"How do you know you're right, with your answers?" he said.
"I don't. But every question's a tension inside, a little electric shock, and it crackles through me till it finds an answer. When a question touches an answer, it grounds on intuition, there's a blue flash, the tension's gone. It doesn't say right or wrong, it just says answered."
This passage is from "Running From Safety" written by Richard Bach. Richard is talking to his younger self, Dickie, about learning and knowing how he knows things. Dickie wants to know how he knows when he has a right answer. Honestly, we don't know. I really like and agree with Bach's answer. A lot of times, we aren't certain that we know the answers, but we can feel if they're right sometimes...it's like an intuitive feeling and you feel like the "tension's gone".
I've always wanted to know about the world around me. I have been called a "little explorer." It's not about what I learn so much as it's the process in which I learn that little token of thought...that delicious answer. When I discover it, something in me clicks and I know that I have the answer. It's a wonderful sentiment.
Now about privacy, last night at a Phoenix 201 class about the Phoenix viewer, I learned about SL web profiles. I searched my name and sure enough, my name can be found from secondlife.com. I heard that it had been there for a year already. Is this one reason why the TOS was updated? Only now people have started to talk about it, besides redzone. However, redzone has been around for awhile, so why the anger now? I learned about redzone in October or November not long before I de-friended jonny. He had told me that there were toys to identify if someone had an alt. Anyway, these web profiles are a violation of privacy. I think that viewing SL profiles should be a privilege only limited to SL residents and should only be viewable inworld. At the SL website, there can be profiles...but only if people want to create one. It could be like a simple profile like a blogger profile for instance...you can control what you put in. I also learned from a post by Kabaleyero Kidd that you even have your own profile link...made me think of myspace. Only difference is...with myspace, you expect to be searchable and you make up the profile link. But with SL, none of us made our profile links...SL made them behind our backs. Sure, there is a privacy setting that you can change but this is after the fact, just like grid reports are made sometime after residents have been crashed because of a nice "unscheduled" region rollback. They like to say "resolved" just after it happens and you don't know ahead of time usually. See if you can find the privacy tab. I'm still looking for it. It feels like LL just pulled the rugs out from under our feet. Kidd says that a lot of people wanted this, but I'm thinking that those people are a minority. Privacy is such a loaded issue these days due to 9/11, NSA wiretapping, street cams in London, crowded living areas across the globe, etc. Once again, LL shows how it doesn't really care about us, the residents who keep LL alive through upload fees, membership fees for those who are premium, rent for mainland sims, commissions from items posted on marketplace...did I miss anything?
Here's the link to Kidd's blog: http://www.in2ndlife.com/2011/02/take-advantage-of-the-new-second-life-web-profiles/
Friday, February 18, 2011
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Newbies and Changes
I've been doing well lately. I'm glad that I have a job. While I have finished work for this month, I know I will be back to work next month. I'm doing very well. I do good work and it helps that I'm likable. I told a friend that some of it is "innate" and the rest is luck. I'm going to see what else I can do. I am signed up with 2 employment agencies.
In SL, I've been playing around with Qavimator. I am still doing static poses. I have a handful already made, but only 2 have been uploaded. I usually preview them for awhile and adjust them before uploading. I find that I can preview, keep Qavi open, close the preview window and reopen and then retry the animation. Once I have enough static poses, I'll move on to making animations. I've heard that that is harder. It will require me to add more frames and sync the movements so it looks natural. That won't be for awhile.
I happened to go to Morris on Friday morning. It was noisy as usual. However, I saw a newbie who looked a lot like Ian Somerholder who plays Damon Salvatore in The Vampire Diaries. I watched the first season of that show. And I admit to having a small crush on Ian...I think it's those brooding eyes. This guy said that he made his look from a skin, shape, and hair that he bought. I thought that was impressive. I even got a few pics.
Last night I hung out with my friend Pere. She took me to see Help People Island and Heaven's Gate. I had a friend who was and still is a Help People fan. He told me about it in passing when I was new, but he never gave me an LM or took me there. I realized that last night, but a good friend said that I deserved the best and that friend was not the best. He didn't really help me much as I recall. I learned most of what I know from lurking in group chat, newbie groups, and through my own initiative. I have always been an explorer, ever curious about what is out there. Heaven's Gate is another place for newbies. The owner, Heaven, who is Japanese, has a lot of free hair and there are some free group gifts. The skins are well made with a distinct Japanese flavor.
Despite the painful reminders of someone I knew once, last night was fun.
In time, I'll be able to laugh at that loser. I only laugh when I think of how his SL lover is into open collar and he isn't. He could get jealous of how she bestows her attentions on others. By now I understand how open collar is. The master or mistress can control their sub. However, this guy likes to be in control. So I sense that he won't be in control of his lover for very long. Haha. People get what they deserve. I'm just glad he didn't control me for long.
There is so much that I can do in SL. I can build, play, talk with others, and just enjoy the scenery.
In SL, I've been playing around with Qavimator. I am still doing static poses. I have a handful already made, but only 2 have been uploaded. I usually preview them for awhile and adjust them before uploading. I find that I can preview, keep Qavi open, close the preview window and reopen and then retry the animation. Once I have enough static poses, I'll move on to making animations. I've heard that that is harder. It will require me to add more frames and sync the movements so it looks natural. That won't be for awhile.
I happened to go to Morris on Friday morning. It was noisy as usual. However, I saw a newbie who looked a lot like Ian Somerholder who plays Damon Salvatore in The Vampire Diaries. I watched the first season of that show. And I admit to having a small crush on Ian...I think it's those brooding eyes. This guy said that he made his look from a skin, shape, and hair that he bought. I thought that was impressive. I even got a few pics.
Last night I hung out with my friend Pere. She took me to see Help People Island and Heaven's Gate. I had a friend who was and still is a Help People fan. He told me about it in passing when I was new, but he never gave me an LM or took me there. I realized that last night, but a good friend said that I deserved the best and that friend was not the best. He didn't really help me much as I recall. I learned most of what I know from lurking in group chat, newbie groups, and through my own initiative. I have always been an explorer, ever curious about what is out there. Heaven's Gate is another place for newbies. The owner, Heaven, who is Japanese, has a lot of free hair and there are some free group gifts. The skins are well made with a distinct Japanese flavor.
Despite the painful reminders of someone I knew once, last night was fun.
In time, I'll be able to laugh at that loser. I only laugh when I think of how his SL lover is into open collar and he isn't. He could get jealous of how she bestows her attentions on others. By now I understand how open collar is. The master or mistress can control their sub. However, this guy likes to be in control. So I sense that he won't be in control of his lover for very long. Haha. People get what they deserve. I'm just glad he didn't control me for long.
There is so much that I can do in SL. I can build, play, talk with others, and just enjoy the scenery.
Tuesday, February 01, 2011
New Beginnings
I feel like my life is starting anew almost. Except that on the radio this morning I heard songs I liked listening to when I was in grade school. It reminds me of old times when I was more hopeful and more optimistic about life. I didn't understand the bitterness and cruelness of the world. It's like some of that innocence was lost. And in fact, no one can keep all of their childish innocence. The freshness dissipates fast and doesn't return, unless we try to re-establish it. I think Richard Bach tries to do that with his writing, as does Norman Vincent Peale. For that, I am grateful that I have read writings from both men. Both are brilliant minds of their generation. We all need some freshness in our lives. So I try to learn new things whenever I can. I try to read all kinds of books, at least ones that don't bore me to death haha.
I started a new job yesterday. Today was my first full day. I worked 8 hours. I met some nice people and everyone in my group seems nice and helpful. I think I'll do well at the office. I'm not as awkward as I thought I would be, despite being the only Asian reader. But it only adds to my credit that I will be working there for at least a few days.
I am starting to like Qavimator. I am making static poses. So far, my poses are off but I'm learning how to make it so that the AO doesn't interfere with the animation. You need to set at least a 1 or -1 for x, y, and z. It works wonderful. A neat youtube video showed me that.
I still struggle with blender, but I have taken some classes. And I know where to find tutorials. I'll have to follow the video ones closely.
A friend told me to try prim oven. I heard about it. It makes sculpts out of things that are less than 16 prims. I might try it sometime. I'm not sure when.
I know Sophie uses Sculpt Studio and kain does too. That product is not free like blender, however I heard it is easier to use. Sculptcraft is another program.
Two Tuesdays ago I opened up my store. I was sad the sim owner wasn't there. I still haven't seen him. And on Sunday, I set up shop at Ross's. Brinda is letting me use the spot for a month. Then I'll see what else I can find. Eventually, I want the store on a parcel. A 512 m one would be okay. That would give me around 1000 prims. That would work for me. First I need to see how many people I can get interested in my store. With little profits, I can't afford my own store. Anyway, why should I hurry? It's fun to build a business or anything from the ground up. It's an adventure. Until then, I can just rent a small spot with 150 prims or less. The least amount would be 20 prims. There's so much to think about. :)
Until later.
I started a new job yesterday. Today was my first full day. I worked 8 hours. I met some nice people and everyone in my group seems nice and helpful. I think I'll do well at the office. I'm not as awkward as I thought I would be, despite being the only Asian reader. But it only adds to my credit that I will be working there for at least a few days.
I am starting to like Qavimator. I am making static poses. So far, my poses are off but I'm learning how to make it so that the AO doesn't interfere with the animation. You need to set at least a 1 or -1 for x, y, and z. It works wonderful. A neat youtube video showed me that.
I still struggle with blender, but I have taken some classes. And I know where to find tutorials. I'll have to follow the video ones closely.
A friend told me to try prim oven. I heard about it. It makes sculpts out of things that are less than 16 prims. I might try it sometime. I'm not sure when.
I know Sophie uses Sculpt Studio and kain does too. That product is not free like blender, however I heard it is easier to use. Sculptcraft is another program.
Two Tuesdays ago I opened up my store. I was sad the sim owner wasn't there. I still haven't seen him. And on Sunday, I set up shop at Ross's. Brinda is letting me use the spot for a month. Then I'll see what else I can find. Eventually, I want the store on a parcel. A 512 m one would be okay. That would give me around 1000 prims. That would work for me. First I need to see how many people I can get interested in my store. With little profits, I can't afford my own store. Anyway, why should I hurry? It's fun to build a business or anything from the ground up. It's an adventure. Until then, I can just rent a small spot with 150 prims or less. The least amount would be 20 prims. There's so much to think about. :)
Until later.
Friday, January 21, 2011
The Perfect SL Woman?
Today I logged into secondlife.com and happened to see a discussion post asking guys what they like in a SL woman. The poster was named Venus, pretty fitting right? Venus is the Roman god of love, Greeks called her Aphrodite (the better name in my opinion). I read through all the 11 pages, skimmed the last few actually. It left me feeling baffled, amused, and disgusted.
Do you even have to ask? Number one thing guys go for a hot avatar...boobs, long legs, full lips, all the right curves...real life and second life. All this talk about intelligence and sense of humor, it's mostly conjecture and talk. All guys have the need for attractiveness, sexual appeal.
I said in one post that I'm considered intelligent. So why am I alone and constantly getting rejected or laughed at? Intelligence sets people apart. It makes them square, stubborn, and free-spirited. I have never been like the other girls. Most guys, if they understand that, wouldn't say they like intelligence. A smart person doesn't have to necessarily depend on company or just one person to satisfy them. A smart person goes to art, literature, music, building, scripting...not dancing all the time or hanging at clubs.
I know I haven't been a member of SL for long, but my meager experience tells me that guys like a new girl for the first month. And if she doesn't want to show more skin or throw herself at him, or make him her Sun...then he'll move on. Most guys seem to be like that. At least for 2 guys I've known, they knew they couldn't be my center, so they found a woman who idolized them more than I did or ever could.
I like to do what I want to do. Most of the time, I wander alone whether in my thoughts or on the grid. I spend time with friends everyday, but I can't and won't let one person take up all my SL time, never again.
One girl or guy in the thread said f*** you. Good answer actually. Guys test a new girl in the first month. Obviously I fail, but it's fine with me. I am happy as I am...writing, estate managing, exploring, slapping MM boards, building, sorting inventory, taking classes and I think that's it. I like being productive. The 'friends' I have who don't do much, they end up cutting my card. I try not to mind it too much. I won't change just for that person. I may be young, but I'm not young enough that I can be easily changed. Stubborness runs in both sides of my family.
I learned how to make prim sandals at NCI, very cool. I intend to make many more. I got some new gem textures lately.
I haven't had any visitors to my store lately. I have joined some MM groups and I got one MM board. I'll keep trying. I hope to see Tsali soon. I'm still worried by his long absence.
Until later.
Do you even have to ask? Number one thing guys go for a hot avatar...boobs, long legs, full lips, all the right curves...real life and second life. All this talk about intelligence and sense of humor, it's mostly conjecture and talk. All guys have the need for attractiveness, sexual appeal.
I said in one post that I'm considered intelligent. So why am I alone and constantly getting rejected or laughed at? Intelligence sets people apart. It makes them square, stubborn, and free-spirited. I have never been like the other girls. Most guys, if they understand that, wouldn't say they like intelligence. A smart person doesn't have to necessarily depend on company or just one person to satisfy them. A smart person goes to art, literature, music, building, scripting...not dancing all the time or hanging at clubs.
I know I haven't been a member of SL for long, but my meager experience tells me that guys like a new girl for the first month. And if she doesn't want to show more skin or throw herself at him, or make him her Sun...then he'll move on. Most guys seem to be like that. At least for 2 guys I've known, they knew they couldn't be my center, so they found a woman who idolized them more than I did or ever could.
I like to do what I want to do. Most of the time, I wander alone whether in my thoughts or on the grid. I spend time with friends everyday, but I can't and won't let one person take up all my SL time, never again.
One girl or guy in the thread said f*** you. Good answer actually. Guys test a new girl in the first month. Obviously I fail, but it's fine with me. I am happy as I am...writing, estate managing, exploring, slapping MM boards, building, sorting inventory, taking classes and I think that's it. I like being productive. The 'friends' I have who don't do much, they end up cutting my card. I try not to mind it too much. I won't change just for that person. I may be young, but I'm not young enough that I can be easily changed. Stubborness runs in both sides of my family.
I learned how to make prim sandals at NCI, very cool. I intend to make many more. I got some new gem textures lately.
I haven't had any visitors to my store lately. I have joined some MM groups and I got one MM board. I'll keep trying. I hope to see Tsali soon. I'm still worried by his long absence.
Until later.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Some news in RL and SL
RL news is that I have a temp job, found out 2 Fridays ago. I went for an interview, more like just filling out forms and meeting with a staffing agency supervisor. I'm all set for a few months. It's good.
SL news...
I'm setting up a store in SL. A friend is helping me out. I haven't seen him in a few days, so I'm a little concerned. If I don't see him soon, I may look for another place for my store. I can find a little place and maybe have only 50 prims. The friend gave me 150, but I can do fine with less. The store had at least one visitor already. Someone got 2 free avatar startup kits for male and females...given to me by brinda. Great idea! Last night I set up a welcome mat, online status indicator, tip jar, W E vendor, and a Palais kiosk. I will add a Benares advertisement as well. And of course, put up more stuff. I'm still working on the sign, but I know what I'll call my store and that I also want to create some of my own stuff. I'm trying to learn QAvimator, Blender/Jass, Gimp, and some scripting. Wish me luck!
Little piece of news...I think I know how to organize my inventory better. It'll take me a long time, but I'll get that number down.
Last but not least, I will pray for Raven and all of her loved ones. It's so hard to deal with losing someone you deeply love.
SL news...
I'm setting up a store in SL. A friend is helping me out. I haven't seen him in a few days, so I'm a little concerned. If I don't see him soon, I may look for another place for my store. I can find a little place and maybe have only 50 prims. The friend gave me 150, but I can do fine with less. The store had at least one visitor already. Someone got 2 free avatar startup kits for male and females...given to me by brinda. Great idea! Last night I set up a welcome mat, online status indicator, tip jar, W E vendor, and a Palais kiosk. I will add a Benares advertisement as well. And of course, put up more stuff. I'm still working on the sign, but I know what I'll call my store and that I also want to create some of my own stuff. I'm trying to learn QAvimator, Blender/Jass, Gimp, and some scripting. Wish me luck!
Little piece of news...I think I know how to organize my inventory better. It'll take me a long time, but I'll get that number down.
Last but not least, I will pray for Raven and all of her loved ones. It's so hard to deal with losing someone you deeply love.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Looking Forward to the new year
Hello. I've been really busy lately, but I wanted to wish you a happy new year! I hope it will be better than last year. It's hard to be optimistic and I don't always succeed, but I never stop trying. I believe that people need hope to live. Even if you take their home away and their money...you can't take away their hope from them.
This is a video I found this morning from youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNuHTG6TRfw
I hope you all find peace and happiness in the future.
This is a video I found this morning from youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNuHTG6TRfw
I hope you all find peace and happiness in the future.
Monday, December 20, 2010
A Time to Give and Remember
Christmas is nearing and many areas of the world have already seen snow. My area has gotten some snow yesterday and is getting snow fall today.
This weeked I had some time so I wented to The Pocket to remember Delinda Dyrssen. I didn't know her, but I'm sure she was one of the sweetest people you could ever meet.
I felt overwhelmed and glad to see so many avatars there. The most I counted was 51 avatars. The number never went down to 40. She was a much loved member of the SL community. I even snapped a few shots. I'm not sure what else to say, except that SL lost a great member.
This weeked I had some time so I wented to The Pocket to remember Delinda Dyrssen. I didn't know her, but I'm sure she was one of the sweetest people you could ever meet.
I felt overwhelmed and glad to see so many avatars there. The most I counted was 51 avatars. The number never went down to 40. She was a much loved member of the SL community. I even snapped a few shots. I'm not sure what else to say, except that SL lost a great member.
This event was 2 weeks ago. It's late, but I wanted to post it.
For more about how you can help, join Delinda Dyrssen Memorial group.
Wednesday, December 08, 2010
The Grace to Live
Grace means more than gifts. In grace something is transcended, once and for all overcome. Grace happens in spite of something; it happens in spite of separateness and alienation. Grace means that life is once again united with life, self is reconciled with self. Grace means accepting the abandoned one. Grace transforms fate into a meaningful vocation. It transforms guilt to trust and courage. The word grace has something triumphant in it. - Srjo Kallinen
I found this quote from a website I bookmarked a year or two ago. The website has many thoughtful, funny, interesting quotes about life and wisdom. I am glad that I happened to click on the link today. It is a comfort to me.
Srjo Kallinen, George Kallinen, was the Minister of Defense and Education in Finland. He lived from June 15, 1886 until January 1, 1976. He is now remembered as being the first and most significant pacifist of Finland. He was Minister of Defense from 1946-1948. He was an avid supporter and advocate of Eastern philosophy, particularly Buddhism. Despite his support of Buddhism, he did not identify himself with any of the religions of the world. Instead, he tried to find similarities among them.
This quote from him really resonated in my heart and mind. To me, grace is a gift that is bestowed on us. To him, grace is something more...it's about the pieces of life coming together. It's about people accepting themselves, people accepting the pain and mistakes, learning from those mistakes, and overcoming them to be better than who they are and finding a lasting people because of it. There are so many things that happen to each of us. We meet people who mistreat us, we find ourselves in unhealthy relationships and/or unhealthy environments, we lose the ones we love most, and so on. We blame ourselves for the bad that befalls us. We blame it on fate or we think that we deserve it, for whatever reason, irrational or reasonable reason as it may sound. We have these regrets. For many, it's very hard to forgive and move on. Each day it's such a task for me to smile and convince myself that I shouldn't blame myself for everything that has gone wrong or not according to plan. But sometimes you can't really plan life...things just happen.
As I wrote this entry yesterday, I heard a song by The Carpenters, "Hurting Each Other." The lines I feel are relevant are:
Can't we stop hurting each other
Gotta stop hurting each other
Making each other cry
Breaking each other's heart
Tearing each other apart.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqkVNHwJfKc
I feel like there's a lot of self-hating going on in today's world. Many people try to be something they're not. Heck, I used to want to be dropdead gorgeous, tall, and popular. It took me a few years to accept that I could never be any of those things and popularity isn't as good as they make it out to be in those teen movies and teen shows from the 80s up till now.
What will it take for the people to finally say, "Let's just stop the ineffectualness of our ways and learn to love ourselves for how we are", huh?
Posted around 6:24pm on Dec. 9th.
I found this quote from a website I bookmarked a year or two ago. The website has many thoughtful, funny, interesting quotes about life and wisdom. I am glad that I happened to click on the link today. It is a comfort to me.
Srjo Kallinen, George Kallinen, was the Minister of Defense and Education in Finland. He lived from June 15, 1886 until January 1, 1976. He is now remembered as being the first and most significant pacifist of Finland. He was Minister of Defense from 1946-1948. He was an avid supporter and advocate of Eastern philosophy, particularly Buddhism. Despite his support of Buddhism, he did not identify himself with any of the religions of the world. Instead, he tried to find similarities among them.
This quote from him really resonated in my heart and mind. To me, grace is a gift that is bestowed on us. To him, grace is something more...it's about the pieces of life coming together. It's about people accepting themselves, people accepting the pain and mistakes, learning from those mistakes, and overcoming them to be better than who they are and finding a lasting people because of it. There are so many things that happen to each of us. We meet people who mistreat us, we find ourselves in unhealthy relationships and/or unhealthy environments, we lose the ones we love most, and so on. We blame ourselves for the bad that befalls us. We blame it on fate or we think that we deserve it, for whatever reason, irrational or reasonable reason as it may sound. We have these regrets. For many, it's very hard to forgive and move on. Each day it's such a task for me to smile and convince myself that I shouldn't blame myself for everything that has gone wrong or not according to plan. But sometimes you can't really plan life...things just happen.
As I wrote this entry yesterday, I heard a song by The Carpenters, "Hurting Each Other." The lines I feel are relevant are:
Can't we stop hurting each other
Gotta stop hurting each other
Making each other cry
Breaking each other's heart
Tearing each other apart.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqkVNHwJfKc
I feel like there's a lot of self-hating going on in today's world. Many people try to be something they're not. Heck, I used to want to be dropdead gorgeous, tall, and popular. It took me a few years to accept that I could never be any of those things and popularity isn't as good as they make it out to be in those teen movies and teen shows from the 80s up till now.
What will it take for the people to finally say, "Let's just stop the ineffectualness of our ways and learn to love ourselves for how we are", huh?
Posted around 6:24pm on Dec. 9th.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Internet connection problems and Thanksgiving...
I'm back from celebrating Thanksgiving. I was logged in SL hours ago and then I get kicked off, when my connection goes down. Having Internet can be frustrating...right? Oh it was so nice when I didn't know about the Internet and computer problems. I've been logging into IE and my many viewers. I can finally post in here. Winter is my least favorite time of year too. I get mad when ice and snow cause the power to go out and other utility lines to fail. It's more like panic. I don't like when it happens, it just happens without warning. First I wonder if I did something wrong. Then after several minutes and countless restarts I realize that it's my ISP. Thankfully, I was able to get back online.
Thanksgiving was a bit chilly, but there was no snow. I had a nice weekend with my family. I enjoyed the turkey and some Chinese takeouts. It was nice to see everyone relax.
Well, I'm going to go. I have a longer post to come. It might be out in days or in a week. It depends on my momentum.
Thanksgiving was a bit chilly, but there was no snow. I had a nice weekend with my family. I enjoyed the turkey and some Chinese takeouts. It was nice to see everyone relax.
Well, I'm going to go. I have a longer post to come. It might be out in days or in a week. It depends on my momentum.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Much To Be Thankful For
Hey, I'm back!
I want to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you will enjoy it. More importantly, I hope you know and understand what you have to be grateful for. Above all, I know that I have my life to be thankful for. Life is a gift. Not everyone keeps it. And I've had some serious scrapes (no major car accidents or long hospital stays) and God could've decided it was time for me to go, but he kept me alive. I'm still here and kicking! Hahaha. I think I'm kind of lucky.
Whether you spend the holiday weekend with family and friends or whether you spend it alone, I hope you remember that life is all we really have...not our stuff (or "shit" as young people nowadays like to say), not our money, not even our titles (professional or scholarly titles or whatever titles like Sheikh or Duchess).
Lately I heard this song from the musical Hair. I love the scene in the movie where Treat Williams dances and maybe sings to this song. It's really funny, I think. This is the scene, I found it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1LRD3DtFAo
I want to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you will enjoy it. More importantly, I hope you know and understand what you have to be grateful for. Above all, I know that I have my life to be thankful for. Life is a gift. Not everyone keeps it. And I've had some serious scrapes (no major car accidents or long hospital stays) and God could've decided it was time for me to go, but he kept me alive. I'm still here and kicking! Hahaha. I think I'm kind of lucky.
Whether you spend the holiday weekend with family and friends or whether you spend it alone, I hope you remember that life is all we really have...not our stuff (or "shit" as young people nowadays like to say), not our money, not even our titles (professional or scholarly titles or whatever titles like Sheikh or Duchess).
Lately I heard this song from the musical Hair. I love the scene in the movie where Treat Williams dances and maybe sings to this song. It's really funny, I think. This is the scene, I found it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1LRD3DtFAo
Friday, November 12, 2010
Help Is Always Granted To Those Who Look For It
This is what I've been learning for awhile now. Since November 10th, I was locked out of my main account in SL. I talked to lots of people, including 2 Lindens. And I got to meet them, believe it or not. So, I got one teddy bear. :-). Hehe. One of my oldbie friends was a little jealous. I'm so pleased that I am inworld once more in my main and that I had several good friends who talked me through it and encouraged me to seek help, calling Support, and submitting tickets. After 3 tickets, 2 phonecalls, 2 and 1/2 days, countless login tries...I am backkkkk. Ah, it feels good! I was afraid my account had been hacked. Truth is, it wasn't...just a horrid case of ghosting. I have no idea where avi went, but I tp'ed inworld to The Boardroom Sim. For some reason, home position was set at Korea. That's where I set home for my alt...strange. Anyways, I have all my inventory as far as I know. I have my HUDS, notecards, objects....everything. It's wonderful if you have friends with you who are there for you during hard times.
I intend to go back to Linden Village soon and thank them for listening. And of course, one of the Lindens I met with didn't have a teddy bear made yet to give to me. Hehe. I'd be interested to see what it looks like.
In real life, if you don't complain and request for help, who will help you? You need to get out there and make some noise to get noticed! I will try to practice what I'm preaching. I will try to be strong and more determined about my life.
Also, I've recently read Jonathan Livingston Seagull and Illusions, both written by Richard Bach. My very good friend recommended them to me. They are excellent books. They talk about how you control your destiny, you don't know to follow the flock (if you're a bird) or crowd, and how you can create your life. I love the quote in Illusions about how people are in our lives for a reason. Another good one is that we can start our lives over if we want. We don't have to live the way we were taught to live, we are life, we are in the driver's seat. I'm just paraphrasing what I've read. These are two books that I think everyone should read and perhaps even own. The next book I'm reading, Messiah's Handbook...also by Richard Bach. A few pages a day is like a calming elixir for the mind. The words are so simple and yet I sense the profoundness.
Well, I'll sign off now.
Take care and be happy!
I intend to go back to Linden Village soon and thank them for listening. And of course, one of the Lindens I met with didn't have a teddy bear made yet to give to me. Hehe. I'd be interested to see what it looks like.
In real life, if you don't complain and request for help, who will help you? You need to get out there and make some noise to get noticed! I will try to practice what I'm preaching. I will try to be strong and more determined about my life.
Also, I've recently read Jonathan Livingston Seagull and Illusions, both written by Richard Bach. My very good friend recommended them to me. They are excellent books. They talk about how you control your destiny, you don't know to follow the flock (if you're a bird) or crowd, and how you can create your life. I love the quote in Illusions about how people are in our lives for a reason. Another good one is that we can start our lives over if we want. We don't have to live the way we were taught to live, we are life, we are in the driver's seat. I'm just paraphrasing what I've read. These are two books that I think everyone should read and perhaps even own. The next book I'm reading, Messiah's Handbook...also by Richard Bach. A few pages a day is like a calming elixir for the mind. The words are so simple and yet I sense the profoundness.
Well, I'll sign off now.
Take care and be happy!
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Griefers...why do they do it and are they truly happy griefing?
The very nature of griefing is grim, isn't it? You spread your grief to others by pushing, bumping, destroying or sending out pollutants or projectiles. The attitude is not a happy one. It's like how an ogre grumbles to vent out his frustration.
Anyway, I was a victim of a griefer this afternoon at 12:15 SLT. It was a CarlJhonson (not sure if the name is right, but it was CarlJ in the first part) Beorn...made me think of that Bjorn guy who visited and wreaked havoc at Benares last month or so over at Flor's and Felicia's parcel. He used a push script on my avatar, so she went flying up to about 1 or 2 meters, it looked like I had leaped over a fence. It was so fast that I didn't get a chance to screenshot and I was totally stunned. I did AR him though, as did my friend Sim. Sim got bumped into by the guy and in local the guy said, "you are so nice". Ummm...okay, creepy much? We were just hanging out at a sandbox, Kelly Work Zone. Sim tells me griefers like to hang there, but I've never felt like it happens much. I go there at least once a week, so what do I know?
In Phoenix Viewer Support group chat, I talked to an oldbie, Syn. In chat, they were talking about cutting cards and not being able to hide your offline status. I didn't know that in the SL viewer, that's where your status is truly hidden. She IMs me to talk because of chat lag...yuck. So, she's been on SL since 2004 and she owns several sims. She said that LL likes pervs. If you set draw distance to 1024 or 1028m, you can perv two sims apparently. Lol, isn't that nice? She mentioned that when she's dressing in her house, some guys around 900 days old say to her, "nice tits". That's so immature and annoying. But what can you do? It's not a crime to perv unless it goes too far. But how much is too much? I invited her to come to Benares where it's more private, but then that's when she tells me that she owns several sims. She thanks me and tells me that she appreciates my caring. I love how group chat for help or support groups have such great members helping out there. And some of the nice ones aren't even officers of the group and that makes it even nicer. I'm sure I'll see Syn in chat again soon.
Anyway, enough about griefing.
I attended the SL Blogger's party at Benares. I was there for about the first 20 minutes. I managed to get 3 shots, when I wasn't busy IMing and watching my avatar dance with Sim. Turns out, I won 250L for one of the best costumes. I went as an angel and I had these black tattoos on my chest, stomach, and legs. It was original and free. Sometimes, you can find some great free stuff. Actually, most of what I own is freebies. I have a few dresses and shoes and maybe 1 hair that I bought. It's just fun to explore and see what SL creators can create.
Remember I was upset about a guy I de-friended? Well, I'm mostly over that thanks to Sim. I met Sim a few days after at Kelly Work Zone...like October 2nd...not really sure. I just know that it's been over 3 weeks since we've known each other. I think we're a couple, but what matters is that we enjoy exploring and talking to each other. One thing that stumps me is why he lags at my house. Maybe he doesn't have enough RAM? Or maybe I have too many scripts in my house too? I'm thinking of getting a lower prim house. We'll see. What I really want is to build my own house, but one step at a time. I have no idea what it will look like, but probably it will be basic. I really don't need a fancy house. I want something spacious, nice windows, flat roof, and a few balconies. Also, I'd prefer sliding doors.
It's so nice to dream. Smile and believe in goodness!
Vic
Anyway, I was a victim of a griefer this afternoon at 12:15 SLT. It was a CarlJhonson (not sure if the name is right, but it was CarlJ in the first part) Beorn...made me think of that Bjorn guy who visited and wreaked havoc at Benares last month or so over at Flor's and Felicia's parcel. He used a push script on my avatar, so she went flying up to about 1 or 2 meters, it looked like I had leaped over a fence. It was so fast that I didn't get a chance to screenshot and I was totally stunned. I did AR him though, as did my friend Sim. Sim got bumped into by the guy and in local the guy said, "you are so nice". Ummm...okay, creepy much? We were just hanging out at a sandbox, Kelly Work Zone. Sim tells me griefers like to hang there, but I've never felt like it happens much. I go there at least once a week, so what do I know?
In Phoenix Viewer Support group chat, I talked to an oldbie, Syn. In chat, they were talking about cutting cards and not being able to hide your offline status. I didn't know that in the SL viewer, that's where your status is truly hidden. She IMs me to talk because of chat lag...yuck. So, she's been on SL since 2004 and she owns several sims. She said that LL likes pervs. If you set draw distance to 1024 or 1028m, you can perv two sims apparently. Lol, isn't that nice? She mentioned that when she's dressing in her house, some guys around 900 days old say to her, "nice tits". That's so immature and annoying. But what can you do? It's not a crime to perv unless it goes too far. But how much is too much? I invited her to come to Benares where it's more private, but then that's when she tells me that she owns several sims. She thanks me and tells me that she appreciates my caring. I love how group chat for help or support groups have such great members helping out there. And some of the nice ones aren't even officers of the group and that makes it even nicer. I'm sure I'll see Syn in chat again soon.
Anyway, enough about griefing.
I attended the SL Blogger's party at Benares. I was there for about the first 20 minutes. I managed to get 3 shots, when I wasn't busy IMing and watching my avatar dance with Sim. Turns out, I won 250L for one of the best costumes. I went as an angel and I had these black tattoos on my chest, stomach, and legs. It was original and free. Sometimes, you can find some great free stuff. Actually, most of what I own is freebies. I have a few dresses and shoes and maybe 1 hair that I bought. It's just fun to explore and see what SL creators can create.
Remember I was upset about a guy I de-friended? Well, I'm mostly over that thanks to Sim. I met Sim a few days after at Kelly Work Zone...like October 2nd...not really sure. I just know that it's been over 3 weeks since we've known each other. I think we're a couple, but what matters is that we enjoy exploring and talking to each other. One thing that stumps me is why he lags at my house. Maybe he doesn't have enough RAM? Or maybe I have too many scripts in my house too? I'm thinking of getting a lower prim house. We'll see. What I really want is to build my own house, but one step at a time. I have no idea what it will look like, but probably it will be basic. I really don't need a fancy house. I want something spacious, nice windows, flat roof, and a few balconies. Also, I'd prefer sliding doors.
It's so nice to dream. Smile and believe in goodness!
Vic
Friday, October 08, 2010
We all must stay strong
By now, we all have heard about the slews of bullying. The Tyler Clementi case is probably the one that brought bullying to the forefront again. I just heard about an incident in Mentor, Ohio where a pretty Croatian girl was bullied so badly that she started taking online classes. Sadly, a week later she committed suicide. She had so much to live for...a love of music, a love of dance...a loving home. Who wouldn't like this girl? Yet girls at school were so mean to her, probably they were jealous of her. She tried so hard to stand up to them, yet it wasn't enough. Those girls are deeply mentally ill. They even laughed at her funeral. It makes me want to cry an ocean when I hear of something like this. I know what it's like to be bullied. It never got that bad, but it got bad enough that I reported it to the school administrators...well my mom did. Years later, some of those bullies apologized to me or at least felt ashamed of it. Live! Don't resort to suicide! Wait and see if the bullies ever feel remorse later! If they have a conscience, they will!
Bullying is such a crisis in the world, not just in the United States. I don't know about international cases, but I'm sure they're out there. Why does it happen? What can we do to stop it? Why don't people do more to stop it? If we knew all the answers, the world would be a better place to live in.
It's tragic occurrences like this that should make us feel less unhappy about how problematic our lives are. We all have problems, but not all of them are as difficult to handle as being bullied. If we can complain and we don't feel inferior to anybody, then we are lucky. I know how easy it is to complain, I still do it a lot. I feel grateful that I had my mother behind me when I felt angry and frustrated with how people treated me in grade school. It would be unwise of me to just say that we just have to believe in ourselves to get through hard times. What we all really need most is for people to support us and really make an effort to stop the bullying. In my case, if those people had not been confronted by the principal and had not been embarassed, they would not have stopped and I would have had a breakdown. One boy even cried, I really couldn't believe it. I even felt bad for him, which most people would find strange. As I saw with the Croatian girl's case, even standing up for oneself isn't enough. The administration should have done more to get the girls off her back. Unfortunately, they didn't. Again and again we see that people see the wrongs going on, but they don't pick up a finger to improve matters...they let it happen. Why? Is it laziness, lack of caring...what?! It really infuriates me. It seems savage to me. We can help, so why do we just watch?!
Here's a video by Black-eyed Peas. It's an old song, but a relevant song. Where is the love? Don't we care? Isn't it a crime to just watch while innocent, good people die before our eyes? Think about it.
Bullying is such a crisis in the world, not just in the United States. I don't know about international cases, but I'm sure they're out there. Why does it happen? What can we do to stop it? Why don't people do more to stop it? If we knew all the answers, the world would be a better place to live in.
It's tragic occurrences like this that should make us feel less unhappy about how problematic our lives are. We all have problems, but not all of them are as difficult to handle as being bullied. If we can complain and we don't feel inferior to anybody, then we are lucky. I know how easy it is to complain, I still do it a lot. I feel grateful that I had my mother behind me when I felt angry and frustrated with how people treated me in grade school. It would be unwise of me to just say that we just have to believe in ourselves to get through hard times. What we all really need most is for people to support us and really make an effort to stop the bullying. In my case, if those people had not been confronted by the principal and had not been embarassed, they would not have stopped and I would have had a breakdown. One boy even cried, I really couldn't believe it. I even felt bad for him, which most people would find strange. As I saw with the Croatian girl's case, even standing up for oneself isn't enough. The administration should have done more to get the girls off her back. Unfortunately, they didn't. Again and again we see that people see the wrongs going on, but they don't pick up a finger to improve matters...they let it happen. Why? Is it laziness, lack of caring...what?! It really infuriates me. It seems savage to me. We can help, so why do we just watch?!
Here's a video by Black-eyed Peas. It's an old song, but a relevant song. Where is the love? Don't we care? Isn't it a crime to just watch while innocent, good people die before our eyes? Think about it.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
The Courage To Let Go
Today, Sept. 30, I finally let go. The first guy I fell for in sl, we're not friends anymore. I tried for 2 months, but it didn't work. I was trying to make it work and trying to get over him by being his friend again, but I just didn't feel any sincerity. I told him I felt "ill" to talk to him or even see his name, and I really meant it. He said he tried to make time for his friends, but I just didn't get any time unless I reached out to him. He said he hated confrontation. Well bub, if you don't want confrontation...don't wrong a friend in the first place. It's funny, he unbanned me just to talk this morning. What a jerk, right? Even when I knew about the ban from discovering it myself, he didn't apologize or remove the ban. I've been angry with him for almost 3 months, can you believe it? I'm not an angry person, really. But he just seems so cold and uncaring. I talk to him and I feel so cold and empty. Where was the warmth? It's all gone. Some friends are only good to you while you're still young, fresh, and vulnerable. When you get to a certain age, I'm told, the chances of being used are greatly reduced.
It's hard to let go. You need courage. I finally found my courage. I finally found the will. I'm going to move on. It has taken me awhile to realize that I have many friends who really care about me and wouldn't treat me like he treated me. And yes I thought about leaving SL, but then I thought..."Just because of one jerkoff? And what about my friends? That would be heartless." So I'm staying.
I figured out so many reasons not to let him get to me and to forget about him. So now, I'm letting go. It's difficult, but I know I can do it. Staying friends with him wasn't the right decision at all. I had to realize that though.
This entry was started a few days ago. I wrote down so many reasons to distrust the guy, but I decided not to include them here.
No matter where life takes us, we all need the courage to let go. We all need to back up and say, "What is stopping me from letting go?" or "Why am I still holding on?" I have figured out this issue, but I know there will be more to come. I just hope that I can keep my wits about me and figure out how to get through them all.
Take care,
Vic
It's hard to let go. You need courage. I finally found my courage. I finally found the will. I'm going to move on. It has taken me awhile to realize that I have many friends who really care about me and wouldn't treat me like he treated me. And yes I thought about leaving SL, but then I thought..."Just because of one jerkoff? And what about my friends? That would be heartless." So I'm staying.
I figured out so many reasons not to let him get to me and to forget about him. So now, I'm letting go. It's difficult, but I know I can do it. Staying friends with him wasn't the right decision at all. I had to realize that though.
This entry was started a few days ago. I wrote down so many reasons to distrust the guy, but I decided not to include them here.
No matter where life takes us, we all need the courage to let go. We all need to back up and say, "What is stopping me from letting go?" or "Why am I still holding on?" I have figured out this issue, but I know there will be more to come. I just hope that I can keep my wits about me and figure out how to get through them all.
Take care,
Vic
Friday, September 24, 2010
Thinking too much
Sometimes it's a curse. You think too much and you feel so depressed. Thinking too much made Hamlet go insane. It can also keep me from writing. I have all these ideas stewing in my head, but there are times when I can't begin to put them down...translate them into words that sound coherent. Or perhaps they just seem so hackneyed or lame to my eyes and ears.
I was able to forgive a friend who "ditched" me. I'm not sure if that's really what happened, but it feels like it. Some people never want to admit to a thing like that...darn pride probably. They have so much self importance that they never want to concede their error...that they ever did anything so heinous as rejecting someone, a friend even...even for a brief period of time. Forgiveness is everything I think. That's how we move forward.
I read a friend's latest blog post, brinda's, and it really got me thinking. People come and go. She writes about Adric and how he passed away. He was a special person and he will be missed. I never met him but I feel like I know him. I feel a sense of loss. People leave and they leave marks behind, mostly on our hearts and in our mind...they leave an impression behind. I always try to treasure the people I know and their memories.
Digressing from that a bit, I recently lost 2 friendships. There was drama involved and even love was in the picture. I felt confused and trapped. I finally came clean about it and both friends wanted to part ways. It's sad, but if that's how it has to be, then that's it. They didn't want me to feel like I had to feel love, but in a sense, they wanted me to. Right now though, I don't want to get involved in a serious relationship. I admit that the thought of committing to one person scares me at the moment. I don't think I'm ready for that. One friend wanted me to move overseas, but I just can't do that and I don't want to consider that. It's selfish, but I have me to consider; I have my family to consider. I can't leave my family behind; they need me right now and I need them. I love them so much, how could I leave them? They raised me for so long. Going off because I think I love someone...that's just too impulsive and I know that I'm not that impulsive.
Anyway, the friend said that he understands me now and he believed I hadn't been sincere with him. The thing is, I was sincere and other times I wasn't. Most people can't stand answers like that, but it's the truth. I fluctuate between certainty and uncertainty, its part of being human too. I don't believe in clearly defining things in black and white. Life is complicated and the human brain is a complicated entity, and to do so would be over-simplifying life. And that's just not fair.
On the one hand I feel sad, but on the other hand I feel freer. It got to the point where I felt tangled. I kept on questioning my words and actions. I talked to good friends and they tried to alleviate my turmoil, but I still felt conflicted. I really didn't know what to do. So I realized that he had to back away, he had to understand. You can't force people to see your point or force them to act how you want them to act. I've always been anti-force and yes, I am a pacifist (maybe a mild one). Everything works out in the end, right?
People come and go but they leave a mark in our hearts and minds...an impression. It's hard to remove or forget. Let's just remember the goodness and always respect them. My sympathy goes out to Adric and all other good people who leave this world. May they find solace wherever they are.
Take care.
Vic
I was able to forgive a friend who "ditched" me. I'm not sure if that's really what happened, but it feels like it. Some people never want to admit to a thing like that...darn pride probably. They have so much self importance that they never want to concede their error...that they ever did anything so heinous as rejecting someone, a friend even...even for a brief period of time. Forgiveness is everything I think. That's how we move forward.
I read a friend's latest blog post, brinda's, and it really got me thinking. People come and go. She writes about Adric and how he passed away. He was a special person and he will be missed. I never met him but I feel like I know him. I feel a sense of loss. People leave and they leave marks behind, mostly on our hearts and in our mind...they leave an impression behind. I always try to treasure the people I know and their memories.
Digressing from that a bit, I recently lost 2 friendships. There was drama involved and even love was in the picture. I felt confused and trapped. I finally came clean about it and both friends wanted to part ways. It's sad, but if that's how it has to be, then that's it. They didn't want me to feel like I had to feel love, but in a sense, they wanted me to. Right now though, I don't want to get involved in a serious relationship. I admit that the thought of committing to one person scares me at the moment. I don't think I'm ready for that. One friend wanted me to move overseas, but I just can't do that and I don't want to consider that. It's selfish, but I have me to consider; I have my family to consider. I can't leave my family behind; they need me right now and I need them. I love them so much, how could I leave them? They raised me for so long. Going off because I think I love someone...that's just too impulsive and I know that I'm not that impulsive.
Anyway, the friend said that he understands me now and he believed I hadn't been sincere with him. The thing is, I was sincere and other times I wasn't. Most people can't stand answers like that, but it's the truth. I fluctuate between certainty and uncertainty, its part of being human too. I don't believe in clearly defining things in black and white. Life is complicated and the human brain is a complicated entity, and to do so would be over-simplifying life. And that's just not fair.
On the one hand I feel sad, but on the other hand I feel freer. It got to the point where I felt tangled. I kept on questioning my words and actions. I talked to good friends and they tried to alleviate my turmoil, but I still felt conflicted. I really didn't know what to do. So I realized that he had to back away, he had to understand. You can't force people to see your point or force them to act how you want them to act. I've always been anti-force and yes, I am a pacifist (maybe a mild one). Everything works out in the end, right?
People come and go but they leave a mark in our hearts and minds...an impression. It's hard to remove or forget. Let's just remember the goodness and always respect them. My sympathy goes out to Adric and all other good people who leave this world. May they find solace wherever they are.
Take care.
Vic
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Learning to heal through understanding
Lately or for quite awhile now, I've been thinking about life and my life. I have had a lot of time to think, since finishing school (finally, right?). You get out and you think...what a feeling! Insert flash dance song and choreography here. Haha, you know you love it! :-D
Anyway, I've realized that I haven't lost anything. A friend used to take me out dancing on SL every night for about a month, after I joined. Then he stopped and found another woman. It hurt and it still does. But I've come to understand that he and I were too much alike. Sure we got along well, but we're both reticent and serious. It wasn't that fun, but we were sweet to one another. People need to be with their opposites. I know I need some outgoing person to get me to laugh and be silly. I can't be silly with a serious person. But on the other hand, some funny people don't mind us serious people. It must take patience and practice. Haha. What would the world be like without the easygoing people? It would be some kind of horrible, maybe. The world needs different personalities to be lively and beautiful.
For awhile, I thought it was my fault. I blamed myself for being boring or maybe being too childish. The thing is, I'm fine the way I am. My age doesn't matter. He said "You're young", as if I could never understand him on account of a number. Age is a number and it doesn't accurately portray someone's maturity level. Quipping about age, that's just some ridiculous excuse to politely or impolitely (depending on your perspective) reject someone, not just for relationships but also for things like jobs and parties. I never thought of us in a relationship, but now I see that it was. We were exclusive, as they call it. We had to meet everyday and every night. We'd always be talking. Every second, we'd be furiously typing. And when it ended, I was so crushed. He says he likes me still, but I'm moving on. I don't want to be the "third wheel" on the bicycle. I want to find something better and just feel better about myself.
But it's not my loss. It's his loss. I was good to him and that's how he repaid me. I told him about myself. And yet, he put off telling me about the other woman. There are some things he never told me. He was always aloof. I just thought I should give him some space. The woman got him, because she pushed him, but in a way that didn't seem like pushing. That's impressive, I got to say. You can call it flirting, but I know now that it's subtle manipulation mixed with flirting. But hey, women should know how to handle men. That's just how it goes. It's about survival and getting out on top. Sometimes "the squeaky wheel gets the grease", as the saying goes. And knowing some tricks serves you well. I guess I'm not the type, but that's ok.
I feel like I learned a valuable lesson here. Sometimes, you just have to push. If the other side doesn't budge, then it's not meant to be. But you have to at least try. Even if they can't stand the pushing but you get what you want...isn't it worth it? Well, not always, it can be though. Being passive or considerate when it comes to men or jobs...it just doesn't work.
I feel stronger now. Though, I'll still have days when I feel bad about myself. However, if a person leaves you...it may not be your fault. You have to think about it, really reason it out based on any past details you remember (I remember a lot and I can be pretty perceptive and sensitve at times). In this case, it's not my fault. I was being me. I was being sweet, agreeable, and....just myself.
I want to thank all the good friends I have who have been there for me. I love you and I treasure your friendship! I don't take you for granted and I won't ditch you, even if I should find the love of my life or just a serious lover. Friends are honest and friends don't just drop a bomb on you and expect you to be okay with it, even after a month. Some people take awhile to recover. Well, enough said about that.
Here's a song I heard this weekend. I love it. I heard it when I was walking in the mall this weekend. This is Five For Fighting, Above the Timberline. It's from their latest cd, Slice. :-)
I love the band, ever since I heard "Superman" and "A hundred years".
Anyway, I've realized that I haven't lost anything. A friend used to take me out dancing on SL every night for about a month, after I joined. Then he stopped and found another woman. It hurt and it still does. But I've come to understand that he and I were too much alike. Sure we got along well, but we're both reticent and serious. It wasn't that fun, but we were sweet to one another. People need to be with their opposites. I know I need some outgoing person to get me to laugh and be silly. I can't be silly with a serious person. But on the other hand, some funny people don't mind us serious people. It must take patience and practice. Haha. What would the world be like without the easygoing people? It would be some kind of horrible, maybe. The world needs different personalities to be lively and beautiful.
For awhile, I thought it was my fault. I blamed myself for being boring or maybe being too childish. The thing is, I'm fine the way I am. My age doesn't matter. He said "You're young", as if I could never understand him on account of a number. Age is a number and it doesn't accurately portray someone's maturity level. Quipping about age, that's just some ridiculous excuse to politely or impolitely (depending on your perspective) reject someone, not just for relationships but also for things like jobs and parties. I never thought of us in a relationship, but now I see that it was. We were exclusive, as they call it. We had to meet everyday and every night. We'd always be talking. Every second, we'd be furiously typing. And when it ended, I was so crushed. He says he likes me still, but I'm moving on. I don't want to be the "third wheel" on the bicycle. I want to find something better and just feel better about myself.
But it's not my loss. It's his loss. I was good to him and that's how he repaid me. I told him about myself. And yet, he put off telling me about the other woman. There are some things he never told me. He was always aloof. I just thought I should give him some space. The woman got him, because she pushed him, but in a way that didn't seem like pushing. That's impressive, I got to say. You can call it flirting, but I know now that it's subtle manipulation mixed with flirting. But hey, women should know how to handle men. That's just how it goes. It's about survival and getting out on top. Sometimes "the squeaky wheel gets the grease", as the saying goes. And knowing some tricks serves you well. I guess I'm not the type, but that's ok.
I feel like I learned a valuable lesson here. Sometimes, you just have to push. If the other side doesn't budge, then it's not meant to be. But you have to at least try. Even if they can't stand the pushing but you get what you want...isn't it worth it? Well, not always, it can be though. Being passive or considerate when it comes to men or jobs...it just doesn't work.
I feel stronger now. Though, I'll still have days when I feel bad about myself. However, if a person leaves you...it may not be your fault. You have to think about it, really reason it out based on any past details you remember (I remember a lot and I can be pretty perceptive and sensitve at times). In this case, it's not my fault. I was being me. I was being sweet, agreeable, and....just myself.
I want to thank all the good friends I have who have been there for me. I love you and I treasure your friendship! I don't take you for granted and I won't ditch you, even if I should find the love of my life or just a serious lover. Friends are honest and friends don't just drop a bomb on you and expect you to be okay with it, even after a month. Some people take awhile to recover. Well, enough said about that.
Here's a song I heard this weekend. I love it. I heard it when I was walking in the mall this weekend. This is Five For Fighting, Above the Timberline. It's from their latest cd, Slice. :-)
I love the band, ever since I heard "Superman" and "A hundred years".
Monday, September 13, 2010
Literacy in the United States
Days ago I decided to look up statistics about the literacy rate in the United States. I wrote a post about literacy earlier this year. That book was written in the 80s, but literacy has not improved. If anything, it has worsened. That is really worrying. I want to relearn Excel, since I feel like I've forgotten how to use it. And I have some weak areas. So I find stats from 2003 and even 1994. Can I find anything more recent? No. And that really got me thinking. Has there been a record of literacy since No Child Left Behind was enacted? I'm looking and looking, but I haven't found anything. Ok so today, I find something in CIA Factbook. It's not as specific as I want. I was looking at literacy by state, as well as estimated population. But in CIA Factbook, it averages literacy in the United States. But get this, there's a note that says that literacy was recorded from individuals 15 and upwards. The percentage was 99%. Umm...really? How many people took the survey? What walks of life did they come from? It doesn't say. That's a great percentage, but I can't believe that. I want to believe it, but I know that a lot of people 15 and younger or even in their 20s, are hooked on Nintendo Wii, Grand Theft Auto, or some other video stuff that has them hooked. With all those distractions, who wants to pick up a book and read? I like to read, but some would call me odd. I didn't grow up playing nintendo or always watching TV. I watched some TV, but mostly I liked to play outside or run around the house (sometimes getting into trouble lol). I was a very active kid, until the 5th grade when I started getting more serious about studying.
Where are the statistics? Can I find some from 2005 or 2008? Or did Bush disallow that? I don't really know. And I'll keep looking. I might have to give up. Or since it's just Excel practice, I'll make up percentages. We'll see. I'm usually good at finding information online. It has me perplexed. By the way, I'm reading Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment. It's my second time and I am nearing the end of the tome. It's a heavy, dark book but it really gets you thinking. Even if you kill for a good cause and the person you kill is like an ogre, is it justified? The protagonist thinks so, but later...I think he changes his mind. It's guilt that really torments his mind and soul. Actually, Rodion reminds me of a person I know. They're anti-social, they think a lot, very nervous type, but they're intelligent and can be charming. I'm mildly anti-social, but when I need to be, I can mingle. But I can't say I love mingling. Lol, and I digress. Must be an artsy fartsy thing.
In other news, the drama is over. Whew! It's scary. I want to stay above it as much as I can. I want to have fun and learn. I don't want a messy, complicated relationship. I'm not into dating either. If I find him, I find him. If not, I can "try it on my own", as Whitney Houston sings.
There's a lot of weird stuff going on in SL. Like last night until this afternoon, I was ghosting. I found a fix, but it ain't easy. I'll try it next time. Apparently, there is no fix for ghosting...no way to prevent it. If you go into a parcel and you check about land and it doesn't look right, you must get out quick. Or if you can't move, but you can turn and stuff, you have to log out right away and log back in. That should work. Those are if you catch it in time. If not...clear cache, log in from a different location (Bonifacio works for me, near Morris), or you just try to keep pressing enter and slip in when the server is busy letting other users in, so she sneak past, so to speak. It makes sense. So much to learn.
Here's the Whitney Houston video. It is one of my latest favorites, besides Free Loop which I posted in an earlier post.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aA9mmz508Ro&ob=av2e
Where are the statistics? Can I find some from 2005 or 2008? Or did Bush disallow that? I don't really know. And I'll keep looking. I might have to give up. Or since it's just Excel practice, I'll make up percentages. We'll see. I'm usually good at finding information online. It has me perplexed. By the way, I'm reading Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment. It's my second time and I am nearing the end of the tome. It's a heavy, dark book but it really gets you thinking. Even if you kill for a good cause and the person you kill is like an ogre, is it justified? The protagonist thinks so, but later...I think he changes his mind. It's guilt that really torments his mind and soul. Actually, Rodion reminds me of a person I know. They're anti-social, they think a lot, very nervous type, but they're intelligent and can be charming. I'm mildly anti-social, but when I need to be, I can mingle. But I can't say I love mingling. Lol, and I digress. Must be an artsy fartsy thing.
In other news, the drama is over. Whew! It's scary. I want to stay above it as much as I can. I want to have fun and learn. I don't want a messy, complicated relationship. I'm not into dating either. If I find him, I find him. If not, I can "try it on my own", as Whitney Houston sings.
There's a lot of weird stuff going on in SL. Like last night until this afternoon, I was ghosting. I found a fix, but it ain't easy. I'll try it next time. Apparently, there is no fix for ghosting...no way to prevent it. If you go into a parcel and you check about land and it doesn't look right, you must get out quick. Or if you can't move, but you can turn and stuff, you have to log out right away and log back in. That should work. Those are if you catch it in time. If not...clear cache, log in from a different location (Bonifacio works for me, near Morris), or you just try to keep pressing enter and slip in when the server is busy letting other users in, so she sneak past, so to speak. It makes sense. So much to learn.
Here's the Whitney Houston video. It is one of my latest favorites, besides Free Loop which I posted in an earlier post.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aA9mmz508Ro&ob=av2e
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Weekend and some thoughts
As you know, today is September 11th. Very sad day for America. I was and still am so devastated by what happened that morning nine years ago. Oh, how the mighty can fall.
Last night I watched Michael Moore's Sicko. It was a very emotional movie for me. I know what it's like to not have health insurance. My parents have gotten laid off a few times. One time I was even home schooled.You never forget. In Sicko, Moore visits 3 workers who helped out during the cleaning of Ground Zero. All had major health problems, but because they were volunteers the city would not pay for their health costs. So, they had to suffer and try to get what little care they could...so tragic. And yet in Gitmo, detainees get proper treatment and everything they need...isn't that just loverly? :P What Moore does is take these workers along with others to Cuba to get proper treatment (tries to get them into Gitmo, doesn't work of course, ya have to be a horrid terrorist to get in.) Cuba, the most evil country in the world! Right? WRONG. The workers got the right treatment and really felt better and the Cuban firemen gave them a hero's welcome and invited them over to the fire station. It was really touching and I couldn't help crying.
What is wrong with this world we live in? Even Cuba has better health care than us and they're not nearly as wealthy as we are. Imagine that! In Britain, Canada, and France...they just help the people who need help.
In SL, there's some drama. It's so sad when people take things so seriously and get hurt. It really hurts me to see it. It's supposed to be fun. I have to remember that and concentrate on doing what I like...writing, exploring, and learning to build. I'll tackle scripting later, but I can take classes from time to time. And of course, there's wiki.
Later!
Vic
Last night I watched Michael Moore's Sicko. It was a very emotional movie for me. I know what it's like to not have health insurance. My parents have gotten laid off a few times. One time I was even home schooled.You never forget. In Sicko, Moore visits 3 workers who helped out during the cleaning of Ground Zero. All had major health problems, but because they were volunteers the city would not pay for their health costs. So, they had to suffer and try to get what little care they could...so tragic. And yet in Gitmo, detainees get proper treatment and everything they need...isn't that just loverly? :P What Moore does is take these workers along with others to Cuba to get proper treatment (tries to get them into Gitmo, doesn't work of course, ya have to be a horrid terrorist to get in.) Cuba, the most evil country in the world! Right? WRONG. The workers got the right treatment and really felt better and the Cuban firemen gave them a hero's welcome and invited them over to the fire station. It was really touching and I couldn't help crying.
What is wrong with this world we live in? Even Cuba has better health care than us and they're not nearly as wealthy as we are. Imagine that! In Britain, Canada, and France...they just help the people who need help.
In SL, there's some drama. It's so sad when people take things so seriously and get hurt. It really hurts me to see it. It's supposed to be fun. I have to remember that and concentrate on doing what I like...writing, exploring, and learning to build. I'll tackle scripting later, but I can take classes from time to time. And of course, there's wiki.
Later!
Vic
Friday, September 10, 2010
Farewell to the Lead of Lyte Funkie Ones (LFO)
Yesterday, teen idol Rich Cronin of LFO died from Leukemia. He was only 35. He lost his struggle with cancer. I was heartbroken and still am. One of my favorite songs was "summer girls" even if he said "chinese food makes me sick" (I love Chinese food). It's just a funny, cute song. Even though much of it is Rap, it doesn't make me feel annoyed or like there's any hostility in it. I've heard a lot of Rap and it always seems to get on my nerves...it's mostly the lyrics that get to me...even more than the loud beat. I like a good beat, but people turn it up so high that it sounds like oppressive drumming like a powerful war drum. And war isn't something pleasant to hear about or think about. Incidentally, my family supports DAV..Disabled American Veterans. It's a good organization. I also hope that Veteran Affairs is treating the Vets better than they were years ago.
Besides "Summer girls", I remember "West side story" and "Every other time." Those songs just represent a happy time for me and the heyday of Pop music, as I've heard it being called. Life seemed more cheerful and the economy wasn't such a big disaster like it is today. But enough about that.
I encourage you to listen to songs from happier times. Today I listened to a few songs by Daniel Powter: "Free loop" and "bad day." They start out sad but then they build up and their underlying message is that you can take something sad or bad and make it into something positive. I've noticed that some comedians do that in their comedy routines. You should watch the music videos. I enjoyed watching them. The links are down below.
Summer girls:
Every other time:
West Side Story:
Free loop:
http://youtu.be/vEY_mg2y-rg
Bad day:http:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gH476CxJxfg&feature=player_detailpage
Second Life to This Newbie
Hello! I'm back. I've decided to incorporate some of my Second Life experiences here. I joined SL on the night of July 4, 2010. It was around 11pm. I had heard about SL before, but I didn't really know what it was. I heard it was a cool place where people could host events without having to leave their house or whatever. And so I've been a member ever since. My avatar is over 2 months old. I've met some great people and have had some fun times. However, I have also had some hard times too.
The thing that really saddens me is that Emerald Viewer is gone. That was the best viewerI ever used. My friend, brinda, suggested that I use it so I installed it and used it for most of my life on SL. I learned building, saving outfits, taking pictures, and more with that viewer and with brinda and other good friends. Before that, I was using SL version 2.0. Sadly, that viewer is lacking. There is now a 2.1, but the improvements in it have been small...so I've heard from some of its users. So now I use Emergence or Phoenix. A few things though. Emergence has random crashes due to memory leaks. The fix is in the latest drivers. I heard that NVIDIA has new drivers that just came out. NVIDIA is good, so if I can get the money, I will consider buying NVIDIA drivers.Regarding Phoenix, I sometimes use the debut version. There is now an update since yesterday or the day before, but I've heard some complaints about it. People complain that you have to reset the settings because they're not saved. Well yes, it's a new version and what you download from the site, is just the default version without any of your changes, no surprises there. Another complaint is the camera problems. One user I talked to last night said that she couldn't get the camera to angle the way it used to. The camera view was above her head. I tried to help her by going into the preferences dialog box, but nothing seemed to help. From what I hear, Phoenix devs haven't ironed out that problem yet. Until they fix that issue, I won't be updating Phoenix. I also want to be sure that Phoenix is stable. It's still new, as is Emergence, but Emergence is working fine for me.
I like to build things in SL. My skills are still basic, but that's why I'm taking classes. I also want to learn scripting.
Well, I must go for now. I will write more later.
The thing that really saddens me is that Emerald Viewer is gone. That was the best viewerI ever used. My friend, brinda, suggested that I use it so I installed it and used it for most of my life on SL. I learned building, saving outfits, taking pictures, and more with that viewer and with brinda and other good friends. Before that, I was using SL version 2.0. Sadly, that viewer is lacking. There is now a 2.1, but the improvements in it have been small...so I've heard from some of its users. So now I use Emergence or Phoenix. A few things though. Emergence has random crashes due to memory leaks. The fix is in the latest drivers. I heard that NVIDIA has new drivers that just came out. NVIDIA is good, so if I can get the money, I will consider buying NVIDIA drivers.Regarding Phoenix, I sometimes use the debut version. There is now an update since yesterday or the day before, but I've heard some complaints about it. People complain that you have to reset the settings because they're not saved. Well yes, it's a new version and what you download from the site, is just the default version without any of your changes, no surprises there. Another complaint is the camera problems. One user I talked to last night said that she couldn't get the camera to angle the way it used to. The camera view was above her head. I tried to help her by going into the preferences dialog box, but nothing seemed to help. From what I hear, Phoenix devs haven't ironed out that problem yet. Until they fix that issue, I won't be updating Phoenix. I also want to be sure that Phoenix is stable. It's still new, as is Emergence, but Emergence is working fine for me.
I like to build things in SL. My skills are still basic, but that's why I'm taking classes. I also want to learn scripting.
Well, I must go for now. I will write more later.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)