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Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Busy, busy, busy

I'm not going to say the word. :P

I have gone back to writing. I have been writing a short story for practice, and 2 interviews for PURE magazine. The last article I completed on Sunday...was tough. The designer said he'd get back to me, but he didn't. It took many days and a lot of frustration. I managed to whip something up and I think it's good enough. I have no delusions that it's my best piece, but it's sufficient. I made the deadline, days early, and I made the required number of words. I had more fun with the first article about an art gallery. I won't divulge details until they're published.

I have started to write about another art gallery or should I say garden. It's a beautiful spot behind a little library. I met the owner and she's such a kind woman. I think we could talk for hours about books and limitations and more.

Once again, I have got mixed up in love. I adore this guy, but he's just absorbed with his ex. He says it's temporary. Well, I have a feeling it's not. She's not going to let him go like that. No matter what he says now, I don't believe him. He could've told her it's over, but he's still into her and he might just fall back into step with her. It hasn't been long since the break. I told him that it feels like I'm "being played" by him. He was 'a little insulted' and left. But you know what, that's nothing. It's only 'a little'. I have been looking at the situation from a bird's eye view and it leaves me out on the sidelines and it leaves me baffled and very disappointed. And I think they need to let go. But I don't see that happening. So, I'll let go. I won't be marginalized or made to be the third wheel.

Okay, so he's confused. But why not step away? I'll be the strong one in this situation, take control, and leave. I know I'm better off on my own.

I have talked about him with other friends. And they all seem to say that I should be distant and/or just move on. One even said to wait 2 weeks. I might be distant and eventually, I'll have let go.

How can I love someone who can get distracted by their past and doesn't value their present enough? I'm there, but I'm ignored unless I squeak. But what if I don't want to squeak? Isn't my presence enough?

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Happier news

I have been busy with RL work, but I check up at Benares and I spend time with friends. There's a new girl at Benares, Grimzy. :) We all welcome her to Benares and SL!

Steve and his partner, Helene celebrated their 4th year of being SL partners...June 9th. Yay for them! They are such nice people and Steve is one of my oldest friends in SL. He's a great builder and he has such a warm personality. He is one of the few people who I hug in SL. I trust him and I know that he trusts me. We get along great.

I have been creating poses. My store blog is http://victorialenoirre.blogspot.com/ I've been having fun editing the pics in GIMP. I love the color balance dialogue now. I usually make my pics look redder...giving my avatar a rosy tone. I recently bought a set of boots. They didn't cost much and yet they are resizable and you can change the color. The texture is very realistic too. They look like real leather boots by the way. My latest product pic shows me wearing them. I am finding that you don't have to spend a lot to get quality in SL. It is like that in real life too.

You can spend thousands on a fancy computer or fancy car...but in the end, you're not guaranteed the best performance. Sometimes the higher the price, the more finicky or higher maintenance the product is. I believe in getting something that is mid-range. It's not the lowest price, but not the highest price either. Comparison shopping is always the best policy. Plus, I like to check out all the options out there. I have always been an inquisitive person. People call me clever or very bright, but I think that that is just my perpetual curiosity. And no, it hasn't killed this cat. Lol. I don't really believe that saying anyhow. I might be a bit defiant. Oh well. :-)

Also, I am a writer with PURE magazine. I got the position sometime before madison decided to close Palais magazine. I am sad about that, but I understand that RL comes first. I would've done the same thing. I will still blog for Palais as long as the blog is up. The URL is http://palaisorleans.blogspot.com/ I will update it soon. I have been behind with blogging. And I have been working on my first article for PURE.

Truth and Lies

A few days ago, I found out something that I wish I didn't know now. My ex bf has partnered already. It must've happened a few days before I saw his profile. Some interesting facts, the girl is about 3 months old so she probably hasn't know him long and perhaps she's with him to comfort him. I think it's a bad sign. Why? He rushed into that relationship and he is the type who runs away and doesn't look back once someone puts their foot down and decides that they won't take his crap. He played on my pity, especially in the end. He has given up on me and it is a good thing. Yes, it hurts that he has forgotten about me and he didn't mean what he said when he'd be my friend, but it is good because it means that he is moving on. He has no credibility with me anymore. There will be no more pitiful moans or "gulps" or guilt trips from him to me. I knew there was a reason why I tried to avoid him months before he and I started dating.

I see the truth about him now. I was his quarry, his victim. And now I know his game and I won't play it anymore. So now he has found someone else. Maybe he's playing with her emotions...who knows? But I'm not about to interfere. I have my friends, my priorities, and my own life. I feel sorry for her, but there is nothing I can do. She made her choice and I made mine. The only way for her to be rid of him at least in SL is if I AR'ed or someone else did, but I don't think I have any reason to do that. If I did, I'd have AR'ed him already. No one should be manipulated upon. It's indecent and abusive.

I removed him from friends. He is still in land group, but maybe he won't be for long. I don't think he deserves the tag. It makes me feel disgusted to think that I was fooled by his sweet words and his attentions to me. In the end, he made me feel cheap and angry. He swore at me and tried to make me feel bad and guilty for my anger. That is not how a decent person should behave. I believe my anger was justified and I still do. I haven't regretted my decision to split or de-friend him. I have felt freer and more peaceful since I did those acts. I know it was the right thing to do. So why should I feel guilty for doing what my heart and mind tell me is right?

I love this song by Whitney Houston, Step by Step

Wednesday, June 01, 2011

In search of something better

As I write, I can't help but feel sad. It always seems like the things I want are always just out of my reach. I think I have it, but I come up with nothing. People tell me you have to go after what you want, but not everything can be attained that way. And the people who are so "pushy" or "grabby", do they keep what they seize or will their quarry run away? In college, I've known of nice, shy guys being swept off their feet by the outgoing, pushy girl. It sucks, but that's what happens. I feel bad for the guys. They don't see what hit them until they're deeply entangled with kids, credit card debt, a mortgage they can't pay, in-laws they can't stand, whatever. It's just so sad that they don't realize how they've been manipulated early on. I have seen one guy friend in college get taken like that. I would've made a move except I didn't think the time was right for me. I know he's happy right now, and I'm happy for him. But how long will he be happy? I was broken up about it for months, but I did get over him. Though sometimes, I still think of him and wonder what if she hadn't come along...he's such a sweet guy. But it's clear to me that he's not for me.

Guys tend to think of me as a sister or that attractive woman who's "out of their league." I'm turning 25 and I've thought how my mom married when she was 23. I do wish I could've found love by now, but it just hasn't happened. I haven't really felt that coup de foudre...thunder bolt that people feel when they know that they connect. I always have infatuations with guys in real life or actors like John Cusack or Robert Downey Jr, but it's superficial mostly. I like them for their character, but I know it'll never be reciprocated. I always have this sense that no man will ever understand me or have the patience for me. I guess I'm just too old-fashioned. Maybe I should've been born in the distant past when women were wooed gently not like now when guys show off their cars or their looks. Or they think they can flatter me with sweet words and admiring glances. Those only work to a certain point and don't last very long.

Here's to hoping that some day, a man will come along and will be the man I need.