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Monday, August 17, 2009

Long weekend

The day after my last post I heard that grouchy guy would be heading to California for grad school, Berkley on Sunday (yesterday). I guess I will miss him.

Lately it has been sunny and hot. I love it. I am getting so tan too. I feel happier though. Some of it is because of the hot weather. The rest is because I am glad to be done college and I am set on living each day one at a time. I will not think too much ahead. And I will not think of the past. Also, it helps me not to read too much depressing news. I need to be optimistic. I want to be done with depression for a little while.

This weekend is long because I am helping my parents paint the exterior of the house. My dad took 3 days off to finish the job. The front is done. And soon the back will be done. It looks good. The color is sky blue. I like it. I intend to take pictures when it is done.

Saturday, August 08, 2009

Unexpected event

Today I saw an old crush, grouchy guy. I was with my parents and we were entering the pool area. He was sitting at the front desk. When I saw him, I kept on walking. But I was shocked, that I kept on staring as I walked forward. I did not stop until I bumped into my mom's bag. I had not been watching where I was going. She had realized that my dad was talking to him and she needed to let him swipe her swim pass. As I was staring at him, his eyes were looking right back at me. Our eyes were locked and I could not look away. I cannot remember anything like that happening to me before. And when we left the pool, he was the only one who said "bye" and he said it in such a cheerful tone. I had never heard him sound so happy before. Before that, he leaned back in his chair and let out a low "argh!"

My mom said that his eyes looked puffy and smaller, but I did not notice. All I saw were his eyes and his hair. He has cut it short. It used to be curly and longer. He does look meaner, even meaner than the last time I saw him after my college graduation ceremony. So apparently, he has gone back to work at the pool over the summer. I have no idea if he will be back tomorrow or next weekend. I do not know when he will leave or if he will be working at the pool next summer. I am just happy to have seen him again. I like looking into his eyes and looking at him. He is like a dream...an unattainable dream to me. But when he looks at me, I feel like I am an unattainable dream to him as well. I feel beautiful and it is quite a heady feeling. So I think I am almost over him.

Who am I not over? That English/Philosophy major boy. I shall call him Italian boy. I think of him or I see his name and I still feel hurt. With his eyes and his body language, he tells me that he likes me and yet he is afraid to admit it. He tries to avoid me, as if he can escape his feelings...as if he can forget his feelings for me and the moments we spent together in college. I will be over him, but I need time. I wonder how long will it take. Half a year? A year? Two years? It seems like it takes a long time for me to heal. And each time I heal, I find someone else to become infatuated with. I wish I could prevent that from happening. I wish I could be numb and not feel tenderness or fondness for any man who is nice or attractive. Maybe I should think that all guys are bad. But then I will be a man-hater, no? I do not want that either. So what can I do? Is the answer right in front of me?

Friday, August 07, 2009

The month of August.

It has been a hot and muggy August in my area. I have been busy with GRE prep and tutoring two women from Nepal. They want to get their driver's licenses by the end of this month. I just quiz them on things they should know like traffic rules, traffic signs, and right-of-way. This is also a chance for me to refresh my knowledge about driving regulations and such. I look forward to seeing them every week.

Besides that, soon there will be a court case. My sister was assaulted by some caretaker. First will be the criminal trial. Then we will start the civil trial. Later today we will meet with a lawyer for our civil suit. Yesterday we meet with a criminal lawyer in probate court. Our case is looking good. We got DNA from the perpetrator and it may be enough to send him to prison for a few years. The maximum is 10 years, but that is okay. As long as he gets punishment and is not let free, then we will feel a little better. He should not be allowed to hurt any other innocent girls. I do believe in justice. Someday, everyone gets what they deserve.

In fitness news, I am about 15 to 16 lighter than before. I have lost all my college weight. I hope to eventually lose the weight I gained in high school. I feel great. I am seeing definition in my arms, legs, stomach, waist, face, neck, and feet. I always had flat feet, but lately I have been seeing more of an arch. I now know that I had fat feet, not flat feet. Anyway, I think I need to lose another 20 pounds and then I will be around 120 pounds. That will be ideal. I have made much progress and I am very proud of my accomplishment.