Sunday, September 19, 2010

Learning to heal through understanding

Lately or for quite awhile now, I've been thinking about life and my life. I have had a lot of time to think, since finishing school (finally, right?). You get out and you think...what a feeling! Insert flash dance song and choreography here. Haha, you know you love it! :-D

Anyway, I've realized that I haven't lost anything. A friend used to take me out dancing on SL every night for about a month, after I joined. Then he stopped and found another woman. It hurt and it still does. But I've come to understand that he and I were too much alike. Sure we got along well, but we're both reticent and serious. It wasn't that fun, but we were sweet to one another. People need to be with their opposites. I know I need some outgoing person to get me to laugh and be silly. I can't be silly with a serious person. But on the other hand, some funny people don't mind us serious people. It must take patience and practice. Haha. What would the world be like without the easygoing people? It would be some kind of horrible, maybe. The world needs different personalities to be lively and beautiful.

For awhile, I thought it was my fault. I blamed myself for being boring or maybe being too childish. The thing is, I'm fine the way I am. My age doesn't matter. He said "You're young", as if I could never understand him on account of a number. Age is a number and it doesn't accurately portray someone's maturity level. Quipping about age, that's just some ridiculous excuse to politely or impolitely (depending on your perspective) reject someone, not just for relationships but also for things like jobs and parties. I never thought of us in a relationship, but now I see that it was. We were exclusive, as they call it. We had to meet everyday and every night. We'd always be talking. Every second, we'd be furiously typing. And when it ended, I was so crushed. He says he likes me still, but I'm moving on. I don't want to be the "third wheel" on the bicycle. I want to find something better and just feel better about myself.

But it's not my loss. It's his loss. I was good to him and that's how he repaid me. I told him about myself. And yet, he put off telling me about the other woman. There are some things he never told me. He was always aloof. I just thought I should give him some space. The woman got him, because she pushed him, but in a way that didn't seem like pushing. That's impressive, I got to say. You can call it flirting, but I know now that it's subtle manipulation mixed with flirting. But hey, women should know how to handle men. That's just how it goes. It's about survival and getting out on top. Sometimes "the squeaky wheel gets the grease", as the saying goes. And knowing some tricks serves you well. I guess I'm not the type, but that's ok.

I feel like I learned a valuable lesson here. Sometimes, you just have to push. If the other side doesn't budge, then it's not meant to be. But you have to at least try. Even if they can't stand the pushing but you get what you want...isn't it worth it? Well, not always, it can be though. Being passive or considerate when it comes to men or jobs...it just doesn't work.

I feel stronger now. Though, I'll still have days when I feel bad about myself. However, if a person leaves you...it may not be your fault. You have to think about it, really reason it out based on any past details you remember (I remember a lot and I can be pretty perceptive and sensitve at times). In this case, it's not my fault. I was being me. I was being sweet, agreeable, and....just myself.

I want to thank all the good friends I have who have been there for me. I love you and I treasure your friendship! I don't take you for granted and I won't ditch you, even if I should find the love of my life or just a serious lover. Friends are honest and friends don't just drop a bomb on you and expect you to be okay with it, even after a month. Some people take awhile to recover. Well, enough said about that.

Here's a song I heard this weekend. I love it. I heard it when I was walking in the mall this weekend. This is Five For Fighting, Above the Timberline. It's from their latest cd, Slice. :-)

I love the band, ever since I heard "Superman" and "A hundred years".

1 comment:

Brinda said...

You are older than your years Dear.

It's important for each of us to, just in the words of Ram Dass, "Be Here Now".

One thing to always keep in mind here in Secondlife is that all the physical cues that allow us to see deceit in real life are missing.
Another thing is perhaps because of the lack of physical clues this Secondlife experience is intensified.

Just be present at every moment and be yourself. Be sure you are enough...for me chasing means that I don't think I'm enough.

You are enough and I love you =^..^=