Happy Memorial day!
This is Wizard Gynoid's exhibit at UWA: http://slurl.com/secondlife/UWA%20VIRTLANTIS/143/85/24
Very cool.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZqZeWsgfxDI
http://wouldntthatriptheforkoutofyournightie.wordpress.com/2011/05/30/my-take-on-bullying/
I'm going through some drama, but I'm working through it. I'll be okay. I won't let it get me down for long. More on that, later.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Conflict and Tough Decisions
http://palaisorleans.blogspot.com/2011/05/draftrecognizing-4th-rez-day-for.html
Here's something I wrote lately about a very special person in my life.
For awhile, I've felt that there was a lot of conflict and doubt in my SL life. Since the first week, I realized it existed and would exist unless I changed myself. I have changed some, but still it exists. I really am a late bloomer. In my other life, I am a late bloomer. How could it not be otherwise? Who I am in SL is a reflection of who I am in RL.
Maybe it's fate or SL giving me a second chance, but I happened to meet an old old ex friend in a beautiful sim where a museum is located. We parted ways after about 3 conversations during my first or second week in SL. We met in Morris and I felt flattered by her attention. She brought me to a store that sold clubwear and she bought me a slutty outfit. Slowly, I realized what she wanted. But rather than tell her no at that moment, I clamped up. For days after, I avoided her. One day, I came clean and she was very upset. And so, she cut my card. I apologized and offered to pay her back and send the item back to her, but she told me to keep it. And then I never heard anything from her and I never tried to reach out...I thought she never wanted to talk to me again. But that afternoon, she seemed pleasantly surprised to see me. She still wears a cat avatar, but she now builds for the museum owner. I'm overjoyed that she is doing such great work. I saw one build by her and I think it's fabulous!
There is another chance in SL, but I haven't taken it. I see Jonny and his gf in Morris most of the time I visit. I just still feel scared and disappointed in him. His gf was nice to me and maybe I threw it away. Maybe they'll talk to me again after all this time, but I just don't feel ready to talk.
So much has happened to me since I've been away from them. I've dated around, taken many classes, blogged about people and places, explored sims, learned about SL, made more good friends, gotten better at writing in SL, started my business...and realized that I am fortunate to have good friends who will always be with me in spirit.
Now I need to make a tough decision. I have been upset lately and really doubting myself. Sunday, I felt that my relationship with my bf should end. Well, since then things haven't gotten better since we made peace. He really doesn't understand me. He defends his ex...over me. It feels like I was just a nasty, evil girl who didn't think about his feelings. Why should I feel guilty over my own anger? It was not my friend who interfered, it was his friend. It's good that he forgives her, but he makes me feel that I had no right to be angry. But I have feelings too and it made me feel uncomfortable. Yes I have a bad temper, but I get mad over big things. Little things irritate me, but I don't blow up over them...I have some control over my temper, for whatever that's worth.
I didn't get to talk to him inworld, but I did send him an offline IM and he replied. He has agreed that we should go back to being friends. He wants to try again someday, but I told him that I don't think that that's possible. He wants to wait for when "things settle down", but I just think....why bother? He's still him and I'm still me. Nothing really changes over time. I understand better how he is and I realize that I could never be content with him. I can't be around someone who always makes me feel guilty when I say no or when I feel mad....makes me feel like such an awful monster. I know I can be difficult to deal with at times, but I know I'm not a horrid person. What really bothered me is that he'd always mention one of his ex's at least once each time we IM'ed or hung out. I never liked that because I felt like I was being compared side by side like comparing 2 cars and I kept thinking, he still hasn't let go of them. I shouldn't have to tolerate that. I am who I am; I am not a copy of anyone. I really believe in individuality. No one is anyone but themself.
P.S. I finally got the nerve to make peace with that other old old friend. It wasn't as tough as I had thought. In fact, he was pleased that I reached out to him. He had been waiting I think. All these months our paths had crossed, but he knew that I must be the one to step forward, after all I was the one who had cut the ties. I said I was wrong and surprisingly, he had said he was wrong too. We both said things we shouldn't have, but that doesn't matter now. What matters is that we have put it behind us. I will be a better person and I will not let my pride or anger hurt myself for so long. It really had been many months since we had talked. A lot has changed.
I am still mad at Tsali, but I should move on. He has a tendency to get in trouble with women. I think his new lady could prove to be no different. However, he made his bed and he'll lie in it. It's none of my business. I no longer respect him like I did before. I will move on, I need to.
In the meantime I'll focus on doing the things I enjoy and being me. I have started my second draft of my chateau, haha. Hopefully it looks better than my last few house building attempts. I'll include a picture later. I have RL work next week, so that'll be good for me. I do need some time to reflect during the day.
Here's something I wrote lately about a very special person in my life.
For awhile, I've felt that there was a lot of conflict and doubt in my SL life. Since the first week, I realized it existed and would exist unless I changed myself. I have changed some, but still it exists. I really am a late bloomer. In my other life, I am a late bloomer. How could it not be otherwise? Who I am in SL is a reflection of who I am in RL.
Maybe it's fate or SL giving me a second chance, but I happened to meet an old old ex friend in a beautiful sim where a museum is located. We parted ways after about 3 conversations during my first or second week in SL. We met in Morris and I felt flattered by her attention. She brought me to a store that sold clubwear and she bought me a slutty outfit. Slowly, I realized what she wanted. But rather than tell her no at that moment, I clamped up. For days after, I avoided her. One day, I came clean and she was very upset. And so, she cut my card. I apologized and offered to pay her back and send the item back to her, but she told me to keep it. And then I never heard anything from her and I never tried to reach out...I thought she never wanted to talk to me again. But that afternoon, she seemed pleasantly surprised to see me. She still wears a cat avatar, but she now builds for the museum owner. I'm overjoyed that she is doing such great work. I saw one build by her and I think it's fabulous!
There is another chance in SL, but I haven't taken it. I see Jonny and his gf in Morris most of the time I visit. I just still feel scared and disappointed in him. His gf was nice to me and maybe I threw it away. Maybe they'll talk to me again after all this time, but I just don't feel ready to talk.
So much has happened to me since I've been away from them. I've dated around, taken many classes, blogged about people and places, explored sims, learned about SL, made more good friends, gotten better at writing in SL, started my business...and realized that I am fortunate to have good friends who will always be with me in spirit.
Now I need to make a tough decision. I have been upset lately and really doubting myself. Sunday, I felt that my relationship with my bf should end. Well, since then things haven't gotten better since we made peace. He really doesn't understand me. He defends his ex...over me. It feels like I was just a nasty, evil girl who didn't think about his feelings. Why should I feel guilty over my own anger? It was not my friend who interfered, it was his friend. It's good that he forgives her, but he makes me feel that I had no right to be angry. But I have feelings too and it made me feel uncomfortable. Yes I have a bad temper, but I get mad over big things. Little things irritate me, but I don't blow up over them...I have some control over my temper, for whatever that's worth.
I didn't get to talk to him inworld, but I did send him an offline IM and he replied. He has agreed that we should go back to being friends. He wants to try again someday, but I told him that I don't think that that's possible. He wants to wait for when "things settle down", but I just think....why bother? He's still him and I'm still me. Nothing really changes over time. I understand better how he is and I realize that I could never be content with him. I can't be around someone who always makes me feel guilty when I say no or when I feel mad....makes me feel like such an awful monster. I know I can be difficult to deal with at times, but I know I'm not a horrid person. What really bothered me is that he'd always mention one of his ex's at least once each time we IM'ed or hung out. I never liked that because I felt like I was being compared side by side like comparing 2 cars and I kept thinking, he still hasn't let go of them. I shouldn't have to tolerate that. I am who I am; I am not a copy of anyone. I really believe in individuality. No one is anyone but themself.
P.S. I finally got the nerve to make peace with that other old old friend. It wasn't as tough as I had thought. In fact, he was pleased that I reached out to him. He had been waiting I think. All these months our paths had crossed, but he knew that I must be the one to step forward, after all I was the one who had cut the ties. I said I was wrong and surprisingly, he had said he was wrong too. We both said things we shouldn't have, but that doesn't matter now. What matters is that we have put it behind us. I will be a better person and I will not let my pride or anger hurt myself for so long. It really had been many months since we had talked. A lot has changed.
I am still mad at Tsali, but I should move on. He has a tendency to get in trouble with women. I think his new lady could prove to be no different. However, he made his bed and he'll lie in it. It's none of my business. I no longer respect him like I did before. I will move on, I need to.
In the meantime I'll focus on doing the things I enjoy and being me. I have started my second draft of my chateau, haha. Hopefully it looks better than my last few house building attempts. I'll include a picture later. I have RL work next week, so that'll be good for me. I do need some time to reflect during the day.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
A Sad mistake or a gift?
I'm so sad to admit I made a horrid mistake. On May 7th, I said yes to a guy friend who asked me to be his SL girlfriend. Until a few days ago I felt so happy, like nothing could get me down. But then, I found out from him that a "pretty good friend" spied on us and was jealous. And yesterday he called her a "semi-gf". Which is she? Changing his tune, is he? I can't tolerate that. I saw her profile and her group for her main avatar and it left me feeling disturbed. All I can say is that she's not my idea of a good friend, she just takes and won't give. The fact that he dated her for 2 months after only knowing her for a month, that struck a bad chord in me and I don't trust that he's really done with her. I feel like he became attached to her and still is. He said it's over with her, but I'm disappointed in him. I don't believe him anymore. So I told him that it's over between us.
The people I consider good friends wouldn't spy on me or try to grief me. She hasn't IM'ed me, but I think she's not done making trouble. She likes to play with emotions. He sim banned her, but it's not enough for me. I feel like I never really knew him.
My true friends know that often I prefer to be alone. And working in SL is one of the things I love most. I love walking in Benares and looking at top scripts or looking at the houses to get build ideas (I'm working on a chateau, btw). I love to preview and upload my poses. I have a client who wants me to make some groundsits for him and I even have 1 pose at my vendor that I can modify slightly. I saw him asking for help at one of my group chats, it was a lucky catch. I haven't had anyone asking me to do custom work. But he has decided to give me a chance and I intend to prove myself...that I can be good. I love exploring sims to write for magazines or a SL guide book. And I've made some great art contacts through my assignments and work.
I haven't had luck with SL relationships. I have tried and I thought I'd give this guy a chance, but now it's done. He had his chance and it didn't work. I don't want any drama and so it ends here. He will beg me to stay, but I'll stand firm and I won't change my mind. It will be tough, but this is what I need to do. If I don't stand firm, there will be more pain. I can feel it.
A great song I've always liked:
Matt Goss, End of the road
It's a song of endings and beginnings. There is always tomorrow, hope for a better day.
I'll be okay, but right now I just feel so disappointed. Yes, I got my feelers bent. I learn the hard way, but I can learn.
Edit:
He and I talked and I realized that I was too hasty. It was like I expected that he would just let me go. But he has proven to me that I shouldn't dump him just because of one bad friend and he fought with my temper and won. He nearly deleted me, I am quite sure. But then I realized that I sounded like an idiot and he was really mad...madder than I had ever expected. He didn't want me to go. He felt like we deserved a chance to keep going. I realized that he wasn't the enemy. I was just looking for a way to run away. I got scared. He didn't have to fight with me. He could've ended the conversation but he kept on fighting me. I'm still surprised at that. So he and I are a couple still. We had a big fight, but now we understand each other. He's good for me, I am convinced now.
The people I consider good friends wouldn't spy on me or try to grief me. She hasn't IM'ed me, but I think she's not done making trouble. She likes to play with emotions. He sim banned her, but it's not enough for me. I feel like I never really knew him.
My true friends know that often I prefer to be alone. And working in SL is one of the things I love most. I love walking in Benares and looking at top scripts or looking at the houses to get build ideas (I'm working on a chateau, btw). I love to preview and upload my poses. I have a client who wants me to make some groundsits for him and I even have 1 pose at my vendor that I can modify slightly. I saw him asking for help at one of my group chats, it was a lucky catch. I haven't had anyone asking me to do custom work. But he has decided to give me a chance and I intend to prove myself...that I can be good. I love exploring sims to write for magazines or a SL guide book. And I've made some great art contacts through my assignments and work.
I haven't had luck with SL relationships. I have tried and I thought I'd give this guy a chance, but now it's done. He had his chance and it didn't work. I don't want any drama and so it ends here. He will beg me to stay, but I'll stand firm and I won't change my mind. It will be tough, but this is what I need to do. If I don't stand firm, there will be more pain. I can feel it.
A great song I've always liked:
Matt Goss, End of the road
It's a song of endings and beginnings. There is always tomorrow, hope for a better day.
I'll be okay, but right now I just feel so disappointed. Yes, I got my feelers bent. I learn the hard way, but I can learn.
Edit:
He and I talked and I realized that I was too hasty. It was like I expected that he would just let me go. But he has proven to me that I shouldn't dump him just because of one bad friend and he fought with my temper and won. He nearly deleted me, I am quite sure. But then I realized that I sounded like an idiot and he was really mad...madder than I had ever expected. He didn't want me to go. He felt like we deserved a chance to keep going. I realized that he wasn't the enemy. I was just looking for a way to run away. I got scared. He didn't have to fight with me. He could've ended the conversation but he kept on fighting me. I'm still surprised at that. So he and I are a couple still. We had a big fight, but now we understand each other. He's good for me, I am convinced now.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Always Lost in Thought
How much of our waking life are we lost in thought? How long do we spend just living in our heads?
Days ago I admitted to myself that I am lonely. I am busy to ease that loneliness. In a way, it helps me through that time. But it also fulfills a need in me to do something. Dancing or talking is something, but I can not just do those in and of themselves...just those 2 activities.
People are amazed when they hear about what I do. It could be considered overkill: writing, building, Qavimator, GIMP, blogging, shopping, exploring. Is that all I do? Well, I do dance with friends from time to time. And I can stand around in a lobby, but that's seldom. Are they intimidated? I wonder about that. Probably. I asked a friend and he said, "I'm not." Well, I know that. He's known me for more than 6 months. By this summer, it'll be a year..August I believe. Seek and ye shall find. I searched and my search led me to him. He's a manager of a SL organization, a landlord, a SL content creator and a good friend. We can talk about real life or sl. We understand that. We dated once or twice, but we agreed that we'd be better as friends. And it was the right choice, not that he wouldn't make a great boyfriend...he would. But he can be just as supportive and caring as my friend. I trust him and he trusts me too. That's one of the highest compliments that I could ever receive.
I asked him what whould he do if SL shut down. He said he didn't know. He told me he knows of Avination. I told him I would go to Inworldz. Well, I hope SL will be around longer. I feel that SL is my only link to him. I'd miss his friendship and his words. He knows what to say to calm me. He doesn't even have to say a lot or try hard. I hope that his real life is wonderful and well.
Last week or so, I mentioned Tsali and how I felt betrayed. I realize he wasn't who I thought he was. Things like this they just shatter your image of a person. You think...who the hell is this person? Where am I? What? Huh? You just feel clueless and dazed. He hasn't changed, I have. I can see clearer now and it is freeing. Sometimes waiting can seem tense. You wait for the question to come or the talk to arise. When it never does...you're off the hook. You're A-OK. And I will be okay, I am okay.
Do I think of finding love someday? Yes. Doesn't everyone? I just haven't found it yet.
I have many friends who are there for me. And I have my hobbies and interests. Life just isn't life if it's a few limited things. I need to do a lot to feel full. If someone can't deal with that...that's their problem. The song I like now is I Look to You by Whitney Houston. "When all my strength is gone, in you I can be strong...I look to you..."
I try to be very tolerant. But when someone whines about me always being busy...I can't take that. Of course, it depends on the person's attitude. But if they complain and bitch about it and how their other friends are so busy...I'm sorry. But I'm not responsible for your happiness. YOU make your own happiness. It's all concocted in the mind.
Days ago I admitted to myself that I am lonely. I am busy to ease that loneliness. In a way, it helps me through that time. But it also fulfills a need in me to do something. Dancing or talking is something, but I can not just do those in and of themselves...just those 2 activities.
People are amazed when they hear about what I do. It could be considered overkill: writing, building, Qavimator, GIMP, blogging, shopping, exploring. Is that all I do? Well, I do dance with friends from time to time. And I can stand around in a lobby, but that's seldom. Are they intimidated? I wonder about that. Probably. I asked a friend and he said, "I'm not." Well, I know that. He's known me for more than 6 months. By this summer, it'll be a year..August I believe. Seek and ye shall find. I searched and my search led me to him. He's a manager of a SL organization, a landlord, a SL content creator and a good friend. We can talk about real life or sl. We understand that. We dated once or twice, but we agreed that we'd be better as friends. And it was the right choice, not that he wouldn't make a great boyfriend...he would. But he can be just as supportive and caring as my friend. I trust him and he trusts me too. That's one of the highest compliments that I could ever receive.
I asked him what whould he do if SL shut down. He said he didn't know. He told me he knows of Avination. I told him I would go to Inworldz. Well, I hope SL will be around longer. I feel that SL is my only link to him. I'd miss his friendship and his words. He knows what to say to calm me. He doesn't even have to say a lot or try hard. I hope that his real life is wonderful and well.
Last week or so, I mentioned Tsali and how I felt betrayed. I realize he wasn't who I thought he was. Things like this they just shatter your image of a person. You think...who the hell is this person? Where am I? What? Huh? You just feel clueless and dazed. He hasn't changed, I have. I can see clearer now and it is freeing. Sometimes waiting can seem tense. You wait for the question to come or the talk to arise. When it never does...you're off the hook. You're A-OK. And I will be okay, I am okay.
Do I think of finding love someday? Yes. Doesn't everyone? I just haven't found it yet.
I have many friends who are there for me. And I have my hobbies and interests. Life just isn't life if it's a few limited things. I need to do a lot to feel full. If someone can't deal with that...that's their problem. The song I like now is I Look to You by Whitney Houston. "When all my strength is gone, in you I can be strong...I look to you..."
I try to be very tolerant. But when someone whines about me always being busy...I can't take that. Of course, it depends on the person's attitude. But if they complain and bitch about it and how their other friends are so busy...I'm sorry. But I'm not responsible for your happiness. YOU make your own happiness. It's all concocted in the mind.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Like a fellow once said...ain't that a kick in the head?!
You ever get those days? I'm kind of feeling like someone stunned me or knocked me out.
You think you can trust someone and they understand you...don't assume that. The one who understands you the best is yourself, to paraphrase Richard Bach. What you don't say, that can always make you feel miserable. But sometimes when you finally do say it, you don't feel any better. You feel a feeling of release, but that's all. And how do you know the release will feel rewarding? You don't know that.
There are so many times where society expects us to understand hints. My situation was that I fell in love with a friend. I find out how much I care about him when I figure out that he has been dating a woman for a few days now. I wonder why he didn't tell me. Friends tell each other, right? Didn't he feel so excited that he felt like he had to share it with someone? Apparently not.
I've known him for months. I felt close to him. But yet, not really. He's not very talkative. I guess he likes to be straightforward and doesn't take hints. I was so worried when he was away from SL for 2 months, I think. When he came back, it was like before. Or so I thought. But things had changed.
I was busier with my stores. I was starting to get the hang of mostly spending time doing my own stuff. So when he came back, I didn't spend so much time with him like I used to. I thought he'd understand. But lots of guys might feel like I ignore them, if they're typical and they are my friends. But that's how I am. I like to learn and do independent things. I have a corazon salvaje...wild heart.
This was on Tuesday. On Wednesday, he still needed to think. Today, Thursday, he did talk to me. And I knew before he said anything that he still wanted to see his lady friend.
I don't like her. I think she's a pretender. She can be coy and sweet with newbies or strangers. But if you talk about the right thing, you'll see what she's really like. You can tell when people get angry. And I did see her get indignant. I thought she seemed parochial and arrogant. But there's nothing I can do. He may find out and it won't be pretty. He has seen some unpretty behavior in women, so that's his problem. I'll try not to care too much. Because I can't wait around for someone like him when there are other people I could get to know and things I could do.
I spent tonight finishing an article, visiting with Jake, visitng Lrak, and visiting with Steve. Both are 2 great guys and friends of mine. They always know how to cheer me up and make me smile. I feel very fortunate to know them. Steve has a partner, but he always talks to me when he can. When he can't, he'll explain why. He's polite, sweet, thoughtful, and more. Jake has become a good friend. We've been hanging out more for a month or so. When he returned to SL, he started visiting me at my parcel. And he still does that. He takes time to see me and we talk a little bit. He's smart, sweet, and fun to be with. Lrak is a friend I met through an art gallery contact. Lrak scripts and I need script help. Months after adding him, we finally really talked. Well when I friended him, we did talk some. He said as soon as that conversation, he liked me. But it was months later that I started to really know him. He's understanding, warm, and intelligent. He encourages my pose making and he owns some of my creations. Very sweet of him. I value all these men. They are good to me.
Even though I still feel hurt, I still see the niceness and gentility around me. I am so deeply thankful.
You think you can trust someone and they understand you...don't assume that. The one who understands you the best is yourself, to paraphrase Richard Bach. What you don't say, that can always make you feel miserable. But sometimes when you finally do say it, you don't feel any better. You feel a feeling of release, but that's all. And how do you know the release will feel rewarding? You don't know that.
There are so many times where society expects us to understand hints. My situation was that I fell in love with a friend. I find out how much I care about him when I figure out that he has been dating a woman for a few days now. I wonder why he didn't tell me. Friends tell each other, right? Didn't he feel so excited that he felt like he had to share it with someone? Apparently not.
I've known him for months. I felt close to him. But yet, not really. He's not very talkative. I guess he likes to be straightforward and doesn't take hints. I was so worried when he was away from SL for 2 months, I think. When he came back, it was like before. Or so I thought. But things had changed.
I was busier with my stores. I was starting to get the hang of mostly spending time doing my own stuff. So when he came back, I didn't spend so much time with him like I used to. I thought he'd understand. But lots of guys might feel like I ignore them, if they're typical and they are my friends. But that's how I am. I like to learn and do independent things. I have a corazon salvaje...wild heart.
This was on Tuesday. On Wednesday, he still needed to think. Today, Thursday, he did talk to me. And I knew before he said anything that he still wanted to see his lady friend.
I don't like her. I think she's a pretender. She can be coy and sweet with newbies or strangers. But if you talk about the right thing, you'll see what she's really like. You can tell when people get angry. And I did see her get indignant. I thought she seemed parochial and arrogant. But there's nothing I can do. He may find out and it won't be pretty. He has seen some unpretty behavior in women, so that's his problem. I'll try not to care too much. Because I can't wait around for someone like him when there are other people I could get to know and things I could do.
I spent tonight finishing an article, visiting with Jake, visitng Lrak, and visiting with Steve. Both are 2 great guys and friends of mine. They always know how to cheer me up and make me smile. I feel very fortunate to know them. Steve has a partner, but he always talks to me when he can. When he can't, he'll explain why. He's polite, sweet, thoughtful, and more. Jake has become a good friend. We've been hanging out more for a month or so. When he returned to SL, he started visiting me at my parcel. And he still does that. He takes time to see me and we talk a little bit. He's smart, sweet, and fun to be with. Lrak is a friend I met through an art gallery contact. Lrak scripts and I need script help. Months after adding him, we finally really talked. Well when I friended him, we did talk some. He said as soon as that conversation, he liked me. But it was months later that I started to really know him. He's understanding, warm, and intelligent. He encourages my pose making and he owns some of my creations. Very sweet of him. I value all these men. They are good to me.
Even though I still feel hurt, I still see the niceness and gentility around me. I am so deeply thankful.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Tough Times In Life
I try not to complain and I try not to sound like a haggard, tired old woman. But I can't help it. I could be doing so much more with my life. I could be someone stronger, someone more self assured. Circumstances have made me small and meek.
My new job is humbling and at times it feels like a punishment. I never imagined I'd be working as an unskilled worker. I wake up earlier and get home early. I have little energy to write or create or even laugh, but I manage somehow.
A lot of young people like me are struggling to find meaningful work. Just this weekend I found that an old high school mate has taken up volunteering, which could mean that she is out of work and needs something to do. I've volunteered for a few years. It was a good experience, but I don't think I should do it anymore...I need to actually work and earn a living. Volunteering never got me anything except some fun times with people and some frustration when they fail to show up and leave. They leave when they find work and I was left trying to pick up the pieces and not feel so disappointed. They forgot me, but I haven't forgotten. Those times were special, but now it's time for me to let go of that and learn to fly!
In SL, I am trying to learn to fly too. I suck at actual avatar flying, but that's not what I mean. I mean learning to make something of myself. I have become something of a creator. Though I'm not that good yet, I'm keeping at it. I now have 7 poses in a vendor. There is my first pose that I haven't put out yet. I was thinking of saving it, but I'm not sure yet. I'm learning the art of promotion. My friend madi has taught me a little and so has Chrissy and others. I need to be persistent.
And lately I feel like I need to learn how to discern a good person from a bad person in SL. I keep finding and making bad friends. I tried to believe that they would want to be better out of love for me...I'm a sucker for that line, "You make me want to be a better man." But that's not at all realistic, is it? Few men actually love a woman enough to want to change their ways.
For now, I'll keep up the faith and try to laugh off my faux pases. My spirit might be weak but my mind is strong and my determination is pulsing as strong as my heartbeat!
My new job is humbling and at times it feels like a punishment. I never imagined I'd be working as an unskilled worker. I wake up earlier and get home early. I have little energy to write or create or even laugh, but I manage somehow.
A lot of young people like me are struggling to find meaningful work. Just this weekend I found that an old high school mate has taken up volunteering, which could mean that she is out of work and needs something to do. I've volunteered for a few years. It was a good experience, but I don't think I should do it anymore...I need to actually work and earn a living. Volunteering never got me anything except some fun times with people and some frustration when they fail to show up and leave. They leave when they find work and I was left trying to pick up the pieces and not feel so disappointed. They forgot me, but I haven't forgotten. Those times were special, but now it's time for me to let go of that and learn to fly!
In SL, I am trying to learn to fly too. I suck at actual avatar flying, but that's not what I mean. I mean learning to make something of myself. I have become something of a creator. Though I'm not that good yet, I'm keeping at it. I now have 7 poses in a vendor. There is my first pose that I haven't put out yet. I was thinking of saving it, but I'm not sure yet. I'm learning the art of promotion. My friend madi has taught me a little and so has Chrissy and others. I need to be persistent.
And lately I feel like I need to learn how to discern a good person from a bad person in SL. I keep finding and making bad friends. I tried to believe that they would want to be better out of love for me...I'm a sucker for that line, "You make me want to be a better man." But that's not at all realistic, is it? Few men actually love a woman enough to want to change their ways.
For now, I'll keep up the faith and try to laugh off my faux pases. My spirit might be weak but my mind is strong and my determination is pulsing as strong as my heartbeat!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Busy, busy, and more busy
Well, in RL I've been actively job hunting. Online hunting just hasn't worked for me. I tried that and I'm not doing that again. So, I just go visit employment agencies and basically harass them. This week, I have an interview at an agency. I'm taking time off from my new job to go. If I can get a better job, I'll leave this new job. It's at a factory, light industrial is what they term it. I mostly see young men and women, both young and old working at the tables. It's pretty slow and not noisy at all.
In SL, I've set up vendors. Kain helped me set it up. So I've got 6 poses loaded as of today. I'm still working on more poses and more sculpts.
Kain has started making poses too. I'm glad I got her interested in using QAvimator. It takes practice and patience (though I don't think I have much), to get used to the program. She wants to add them to her furniture. We took a Qavi class on Friday morning about how to save to the program and things to remember when uploading. Unfortunately there was this griefer. I ended up ARing him after class when Kain said he bothered her in IM and then I remembered that what he said in local was quite inappropriate for a PG region, Boomer Island, part of New Citizen's Incorporated, NCI. He talked about being "high" and wanting to buy marijuana and he was also rambling too. Protomas, bless her soul, was trying to keep going with class and didn't ban him. I later told her about how he IM'd kain and me (called me a cow and said I "should stop asking f'ing stupid questions". She said that if she has known, she would've booted him from the sim. Kain wanted to kick him in the shin and I wanted to knock him unconscious. Lol, i'm so violent. But then, this is from someone who watched cowboy movies and action movies when she was younger. I still love those, though not as much as before. After AR'ing, I muted him.
I'm using GIMP to edit the photos, editing the background, cropping pics, and adding text. I still have a lot to learn, but I understand layers now. For every step, you should add a layer, a transparent layer...unless you want to darken or lighten the photo. I just use a transparent layer.
Well, I start work tomorrow. I'm nervous. But I'm sure I'll do fine. Earlier Jake came by my place to wish my luck. How sweet of him! Alexhayden wished me luck too, I caught him inworld this evening...exploring as usual. :-) I hope I do fine tomorrow. I really hope I can do this job. If I do bad, I'll just quit. In the meantime, I'm wating and looking for better job opportunities. :-)
In SL, I've set up vendors. Kain helped me set it up. So I've got 6 poses loaded as of today. I'm still working on more poses and more sculpts.
Kain has started making poses too. I'm glad I got her interested in using QAvimator. It takes practice and patience (though I don't think I have much), to get used to the program. She wants to add them to her furniture. We took a Qavi class on Friday morning about how to save to the program and things to remember when uploading. Unfortunately there was this griefer. I ended up ARing him after class when Kain said he bothered her in IM and then I remembered that what he said in local was quite inappropriate for a PG region, Boomer Island, part of New Citizen's Incorporated, NCI. He talked about being "high" and wanting to buy marijuana and he was also rambling too. Protomas, bless her soul, was trying to keep going with class and didn't ban him. I later told her about how he IM'd kain and me (called me a cow and said I "should stop asking f'ing stupid questions". She said that if she has known, she would've booted him from the sim. Kain wanted to kick him in the shin and I wanted to knock him unconscious. Lol, i'm so violent. But then, this is from someone who watched cowboy movies and action movies when she was younger. I still love those, though not as much as before. After AR'ing, I muted him.
I'm using GIMP to edit the photos, editing the background, cropping pics, and adding text. I still have a lot to learn, but I understand layers now. For every step, you should add a layer, a transparent layer...unless you want to darken or lighten the photo. I just use a transparent layer.
Well, I start work tomorrow. I'm nervous. But I'm sure I'll do fine. Earlier Jake came by my place to wish my luck. How sweet of him! Alexhayden wished me luck too, I caught him inworld this evening...exploring as usual. :-) I hope I do fine tomorrow. I really hope I can do this job. If I do bad, I'll just quit. In the meantime, I'm wating and looking for better job opportunities. :-)
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Art and Creation in SL
SL would be so drab without it. So it grieves me to hear that an artist who I met and wrote about has passed away. Sabrinaa Nightfire, mastermind of Erato of Caerleon lost her fight with cancer. She will be missed. The sim is called Bloom by Sabrinaa. The place is absolutely stunning....green green lawns, huge flowers, steep slopes...
Here is a video from fellow artist and friend, Fuschia Nightfire, who is also one of my friends: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhS2jvPtF1o. I will write more and post more pics soon.
Since this post is about creation, I'll share what has been happening in my creation department. I've created more poses. The picnic pose is my latest. I have another pose that is almost finished, I'm not quite satisfied with the arm positioning. I think that's a common problem...getting the arms to look right. Somehow, they almost always look funny to me.
I've been trying to learn GIMP for over a month. I think I'm getting the hang of it. There are so many things you can do like blurring, adding shadows, all kinds of rendering, adding transparency...I'm liking it. It's great that there are all these great tutorials online. Years ago, there wasn't so much so I tried GIMP and gave up. Now, I'm thinking that it won't be long until I'm very comfortable with the program. I've even started shading on the UV avatar templates. Soon, I hope to have some clothes in inventory. Then I'll have to find out about resizing scripts.
Later.
Here is a video from fellow artist and friend, Fuschia Nightfire, who is also one of my friends: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhS2jvPtF1o. I will write more and post more pics soon.
Since this post is about creation, I'll share what has been happening in my creation department. I've created more poses. The picnic pose is my latest. I have another pose that is almost finished, I'm not quite satisfied with the arm positioning. I think that's a common problem...getting the arms to look right. Somehow, they almost always look funny to me.
I've been trying to learn GIMP for over a month. I think I'm getting the hang of it. There are so many things you can do like blurring, adding shadows, all kinds of rendering, adding transparency...I'm liking it. It's great that there are all these great tutorials online. Years ago, there wasn't so much so I tried GIMP and gave up. Now, I'm thinking that it won't be long until I'm very comfortable with the program. I've even started shading on the UV avatar templates. Soon, I hope to have some clothes in inventory. Then I'll have to find out about resizing scripts.
Later.
Tuesday, March 01, 2011
Goodbyes and Hellos
On Sunday I finally realized and accepted that my SL bro, Brandon, has left SL for good. I waited for him to return. I'm not a patient person...it's hope that kept me going. Yesterday I mustered up my courage to ask one of his friends if he had left. As I suspected, it was true. She's nice and when I asked if I could talk to her from time to time, she said yes. It has taken me months to accept this fact. It really saddens me, but I have to let go. I hope that he is happier with RL, SL only brought him sadness and drama. He was such a sensitive soul and he found it to be more than he could take. In memory of him, I visited all the places we went to...the place where we met, the places where we liked to sit and talk. Unfortunately, one of his favorite places is now gone. It had the rock where he liked to think. I put a rock in my backyard months ago, but he never did get to see it. But I'm going to keep it there, in memory of him. I will miss him a lot. Maybe he'll come back and visit once in awhile, but I won't hold my breath. There are so many good people I know that are still around me and that is such a comfort. Not everyone I care about will just vanish.
Later that night I ran into 2 Spanish people. One at a favorite store where I know the owner and we talk from time to time and he's a friend. My Spanish isn't that good, but she understood me fine. The other was a man who I met at an Egypt sim. He seemed very polite. I talked a bit with him and gave him a Spanish info hub LM. He left shortly after. That felt nice. From time to time I do help some of the Spanish speakers on SL. Brinda helped me find one for him. I also thought of Tsali who I haven't seen since mid-January. Tsali has folders for over 100 countries in SL. He gave me a China folder once. He once had a library in SL. He's a sweet guy. He does a lot in SL, but he's modest...not full of himself. I like that about him.
This morning not long after I logged in, I saw Tsali log in. Wow! I was overjoyed and wondered if it really was him. Sure enough, it was him. He and I spent hours talking like we did before he left for over a month. It was like he had never left. He was pleased to see me and we had a fun time. I really needed that. He's one of the dearest friends I have. It was fortunate that I met him in October.
Later that night I ran into 2 Spanish people. One at a favorite store where I know the owner and we talk from time to time and he's a friend. My Spanish isn't that good, but she understood me fine. The other was a man who I met at an Egypt sim. He seemed very polite. I talked a bit with him and gave him a Spanish info hub LM. He left shortly after. That felt nice. From time to time I do help some of the Spanish speakers on SL. Brinda helped me find one for him. I also thought of Tsali who I haven't seen since mid-January. Tsali has folders for over 100 countries in SL. He gave me a China folder once. He once had a library in SL. He's a sweet guy. He does a lot in SL, but he's modest...not full of himself. I like that about him.
This morning not long after I logged in, I saw Tsali log in. Wow! I was overjoyed and wondered if it really was him. Sure enough, it was him. He and I spent hours talking like we did before he left for over a month. It was like he had never left. He was pleased to see me and we had a fun time. I really needed that. He's one of the dearest friends I have. It was fortunate that I met him in October.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Curiosity and Privacy
"How do you know you're right, with your answers?" he said.
"I don't. But every question's a tension inside, a little electric shock, and it crackles through me till it finds an answer. When a question touches an answer, it grounds on intuition, there's a blue flash, the tension's gone. It doesn't say right or wrong, it just says answered."
This passage is from "Running From Safety" written by Richard Bach. Richard is talking to his younger self, Dickie, about learning and knowing how he knows things. Dickie wants to know how he knows when he has a right answer. Honestly, we don't know. I really like and agree with Bach's answer. A lot of times, we aren't certain that we know the answers, but we can feel if they're right sometimes...it's like an intuitive feeling and you feel like the "tension's gone".
I've always wanted to know about the world around me. I have been called a "little explorer." It's not about what I learn so much as it's the process in which I learn that little token of thought...that delicious answer. When I discover it, something in me clicks and I know that I have the answer. It's a wonderful sentiment.
Now about privacy, last night at a Phoenix 201 class about the Phoenix viewer, I learned about SL web profiles. I searched my name and sure enough, my name can be found from secondlife.com. I heard that it had been there for a year already. Is this one reason why the TOS was updated? Only now people have started to talk about it, besides redzone. However, redzone has been around for awhile, so why the anger now? I learned about redzone in October or November not long before I de-friended jonny. He had told me that there were toys to identify if someone had an alt. Anyway, these web profiles are a violation of privacy. I think that viewing SL profiles should be a privilege only limited to SL residents and should only be viewable inworld. At the SL website, there can be profiles...but only if people want to create one. It could be like a simple profile like a blogger profile for instance...you can control what you put in. I also learned from a post by Kabaleyero Kidd that you even have your own profile link...made me think of myspace. Only difference is...with myspace, you expect to be searchable and you make up the profile link. But with SL, none of us made our profile links...SL made them behind our backs. Sure, there is a privacy setting that you can change but this is after the fact, just like grid reports are made sometime after residents have been crashed because of a nice "unscheduled" region rollback. They like to say "resolved" just after it happens and you don't know ahead of time usually. See if you can find the privacy tab. I'm still looking for it. It feels like LL just pulled the rugs out from under our feet. Kidd says that a lot of people wanted this, but I'm thinking that those people are a minority. Privacy is such a loaded issue these days due to 9/11, NSA wiretapping, street cams in London, crowded living areas across the globe, etc. Once again, LL shows how it doesn't really care about us, the residents who keep LL alive through upload fees, membership fees for those who are premium, rent for mainland sims, commissions from items posted on marketplace...did I miss anything?
Here's the link to Kidd's blog: http://www.in2ndlife.com/2011/02/take-advantage-of-the-new-second-life-web-profiles/
"I don't. But every question's a tension inside, a little electric shock, and it crackles through me till it finds an answer. When a question touches an answer, it grounds on intuition, there's a blue flash, the tension's gone. It doesn't say right or wrong, it just says answered."
This passage is from "Running From Safety" written by Richard Bach. Richard is talking to his younger self, Dickie, about learning and knowing how he knows things. Dickie wants to know how he knows when he has a right answer. Honestly, we don't know. I really like and agree with Bach's answer. A lot of times, we aren't certain that we know the answers, but we can feel if they're right sometimes...it's like an intuitive feeling and you feel like the "tension's gone".
I've always wanted to know about the world around me. I have been called a "little explorer." It's not about what I learn so much as it's the process in which I learn that little token of thought...that delicious answer. When I discover it, something in me clicks and I know that I have the answer. It's a wonderful sentiment.
Now about privacy, last night at a Phoenix 201 class about the Phoenix viewer, I learned about SL web profiles. I searched my name and sure enough, my name can be found from secondlife.com. I heard that it had been there for a year already. Is this one reason why the TOS was updated? Only now people have started to talk about it, besides redzone. However, redzone has been around for awhile, so why the anger now? I learned about redzone in October or November not long before I de-friended jonny. He had told me that there were toys to identify if someone had an alt. Anyway, these web profiles are a violation of privacy. I think that viewing SL profiles should be a privilege only limited to SL residents and should only be viewable inworld. At the SL website, there can be profiles...but only if people want to create one. It could be like a simple profile like a blogger profile for instance...you can control what you put in. I also learned from a post by Kabaleyero Kidd that you even have your own profile link...made me think of myspace. Only difference is...with myspace, you expect to be searchable and you make up the profile link. But with SL, none of us made our profile links...SL made them behind our backs. Sure, there is a privacy setting that you can change but this is after the fact, just like grid reports are made sometime after residents have been crashed because of a nice "unscheduled" region rollback. They like to say "resolved" just after it happens and you don't know ahead of time usually. See if you can find the privacy tab. I'm still looking for it. It feels like LL just pulled the rugs out from under our feet. Kidd says that a lot of people wanted this, but I'm thinking that those people are a minority. Privacy is such a loaded issue these days due to 9/11, NSA wiretapping, street cams in London, crowded living areas across the globe, etc. Once again, LL shows how it doesn't really care about us, the residents who keep LL alive through upload fees, membership fees for those who are premium, rent for mainland sims, commissions from items posted on marketplace...did I miss anything?
Here's the link to Kidd's blog: http://www.in2ndlife.com/2011/02/take-advantage-of-the-new-second-life-web-profiles/
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Newbies and Changes
I've been doing well lately. I'm glad that I have a job. While I have finished work for this month, I know I will be back to work next month. I'm doing very well. I do good work and it helps that I'm likable. I told a friend that some of it is "innate" and the rest is luck. I'm going to see what else I can do. I am signed up with 2 employment agencies.
In SL, I've been playing around with Qavimator. I am still doing static poses. I have a handful already made, but only 2 have been uploaded. I usually preview them for awhile and adjust them before uploading. I find that I can preview, keep Qavi open, close the preview window and reopen and then retry the animation. Once I have enough static poses, I'll move on to making animations. I've heard that that is harder. It will require me to add more frames and sync the movements so it looks natural. That won't be for awhile.
I happened to go to Morris on Friday morning. It was noisy as usual. However, I saw a newbie who looked a lot like Ian Somerholder who plays Damon Salvatore in The Vampire Diaries. I watched the first season of that show. And I admit to having a small crush on Ian...I think it's those brooding eyes. This guy said that he made his look from a skin, shape, and hair that he bought. I thought that was impressive. I even got a few pics.
Last night I hung out with my friend Pere. She took me to see Help People Island and Heaven's Gate. I had a friend who was and still is a Help People fan. He told me about it in passing when I was new, but he never gave me an LM or took me there. I realized that last night, but a good friend said that I deserved the best and that friend was not the best. He didn't really help me much as I recall. I learned most of what I know from lurking in group chat, newbie groups, and through my own initiative. I have always been an explorer, ever curious about what is out there. Heaven's Gate is another place for newbies. The owner, Heaven, who is Japanese, has a lot of free hair and there are some free group gifts. The skins are well made with a distinct Japanese flavor.
Despite the painful reminders of someone I knew once, last night was fun.
In time, I'll be able to laugh at that loser. I only laugh when I think of how his SL lover is into open collar and he isn't. He could get jealous of how she bestows her attentions on others. By now I understand how open collar is. The master or mistress can control their sub. However, this guy likes to be in control. So I sense that he won't be in control of his lover for very long. Haha. People get what they deserve. I'm just glad he didn't control me for long.
There is so much that I can do in SL. I can build, play, talk with others, and just enjoy the scenery.
In SL, I've been playing around with Qavimator. I am still doing static poses. I have a handful already made, but only 2 have been uploaded. I usually preview them for awhile and adjust them before uploading. I find that I can preview, keep Qavi open, close the preview window and reopen and then retry the animation. Once I have enough static poses, I'll move on to making animations. I've heard that that is harder. It will require me to add more frames and sync the movements so it looks natural. That won't be for awhile.
I happened to go to Morris on Friday morning. It was noisy as usual. However, I saw a newbie who looked a lot like Ian Somerholder who plays Damon Salvatore in The Vampire Diaries. I watched the first season of that show. And I admit to having a small crush on Ian...I think it's those brooding eyes. This guy said that he made his look from a skin, shape, and hair that he bought. I thought that was impressive. I even got a few pics.
Last night I hung out with my friend Pere. She took me to see Help People Island and Heaven's Gate. I had a friend who was and still is a Help People fan. He told me about it in passing when I was new, but he never gave me an LM or took me there. I realized that last night, but a good friend said that I deserved the best and that friend was not the best. He didn't really help me much as I recall. I learned most of what I know from lurking in group chat, newbie groups, and through my own initiative. I have always been an explorer, ever curious about what is out there. Heaven's Gate is another place for newbies. The owner, Heaven, who is Japanese, has a lot of free hair and there are some free group gifts. The skins are well made with a distinct Japanese flavor.
Despite the painful reminders of someone I knew once, last night was fun.
In time, I'll be able to laugh at that loser. I only laugh when I think of how his SL lover is into open collar and he isn't. He could get jealous of how she bestows her attentions on others. By now I understand how open collar is. The master or mistress can control their sub. However, this guy likes to be in control. So I sense that he won't be in control of his lover for very long. Haha. People get what they deserve. I'm just glad he didn't control me for long.
There is so much that I can do in SL. I can build, play, talk with others, and just enjoy the scenery.
Tuesday, February 01, 2011
New Beginnings
I feel like my life is starting anew almost. Except that on the radio this morning I heard songs I liked listening to when I was in grade school. It reminds me of old times when I was more hopeful and more optimistic about life. I didn't understand the bitterness and cruelness of the world. It's like some of that innocence was lost. And in fact, no one can keep all of their childish innocence. The freshness dissipates fast and doesn't return, unless we try to re-establish it. I think Richard Bach tries to do that with his writing, as does Norman Vincent Peale. For that, I am grateful that I have read writings from both men. Both are brilliant minds of their generation. We all need some freshness in our lives. So I try to learn new things whenever I can. I try to read all kinds of books, at least ones that don't bore me to death haha.
I started a new job yesterday. Today was my first full day. I worked 8 hours. I met some nice people and everyone in my group seems nice and helpful. I think I'll do well at the office. I'm not as awkward as I thought I would be, despite being the only Asian reader. But it only adds to my credit that I will be working there for at least a few days.
I am starting to like Qavimator. I am making static poses. So far, my poses are off but I'm learning how to make it so that the AO doesn't interfere with the animation. You need to set at least a 1 or -1 for x, y, and z. It works wonderful. A neat youtube video showed me that.
I still struggle with blender, but I have taken some classes. And I know where to find tutorials. I'll have to follow the video ones closely.
A friend told me to try prim oven. I heard about it. It makes sculpts out of things that are less than 16 prims. I might try it sometime. I'm not sure when.
I know Sophie uses Sculpt Studio and kain does too. That product is not free like blender, however I heard it is easier to use. Sculptcraft is another program.
Two Tuesdays ago I opened up my store. I was sad the sim owner wasn't there. I still haven't seen him. And on Sunday, I set up shop at Ross's. Brinda is letting me use the spot for a month. Then I'll see what else I can find. Eventually, I want the store on a parcel. A 512 m one would be okay. That would give me around 1000 prims. That would work for me. First I need to see how many people I can get interested in my store. With little profits, I can't afford my own store. Anyway, why should I hurry? It's fun to build a business or anything from the ground up. It's an adventure. Until then, I can just rent a small spot with 150 prims or less. The least amount would be 20 prims. There's so much to think about. :)
Until later.
I started a new job yesterday. Today was my first full day. I worked 8 hours. I met some nice people and everyone in my group seems nice and helpful. I think I'll do well at the office. I'm not as awkward as I thought I would be, despite being the only Asian reader. But it only adds to my credit that I will be working there for at least a few days.
I am starting to like Qavimator. I am making static poses. So far, my poses are off but I'm learning how to make it so that the AO doesn't interfere with the animation. You need to set at least a 1 or -1 for x, y, and z. It works wonderful. A neat youtube video showed me that.
I still struggle with blender, but I have taken some classes. And I know where to find tutorials. I'll have to follow the video ones closely.
A friend told me to try prim oven. I heard about it. It makes sculpts out of things that are less than 16 prims. I might try it sometime. I'm not sure when.
I know Sophie uses Sculpt Studio and kain does too. That product is not free like blender, however I heard it is easier to use. Sculptcraft is another program.
Two Tuesdays ago I opened up my store. I was sad the sim owner wasn't there. I still haven't seen him. And on Sunday, I set up shop at Ross's. Brinda is letting me use the spot for a month. Then I'll see what else I can find. Eventually, I want the store on a parcel. A 512 m one would be okay. That would give me around 1000 prims. That would work for me. First I need to see how many people I can get interested in my store. With little profits, I can't afford my own store. Anyway, why should I hurry? It's fun to build a business or anything from the ground up. It's an adventure. Until then, I can just rent a small spot with 150 prims or less. The least amount would be 20 prims. There's so much to think about. :)
Until later.
Friday, January 21, 2011
The Perfect SL Woman?
Today I logged into secondlife.com and happened to see a discussion post asking guys what they like in a SL woman. The poster was named Venus, pretty fitting right? Venus is the Roman god of love, Greeks called her Aphrodite (the better name in my opinion). I read through all the 11 pages, skimmed the last few actually. It left me feeling baffled, amused, and disgusted.
Do you even have to ask? Number one thing guys go for a hot avatar...boobs, long legs, full lips, all the right curves...real life and second life. All this talk about intelligence and sense of humor, it's mostly conjecture and talk. All guys have the need for attractiveness, sexual appeal.
I said in one post that I'm considered intelligent. So why am I alone and constantly getting rejected or laughed at? Intelligence sets people apart. It makes them square, stubborn, and free-spirited. I have never been like the other girls. Most guys, if they understand that, wouldn't say they like intelligence. A smart person doesn't have to necessarily depend on company or just one person to satisfy them. A smart person goes to art, literature, music, building, scripting...not dancing all the time or hanging at clubs.
I know I haven't been a member of SL for long, but my meager experience tells me that guys like a new girl for the first month. And if she doesn't want to show more skin or throw herself at him, or make him her Sun...then he'll move on. Most guys seem to be like that. At least for 2 guys I've known, they knew they couldn't be my center, so they found a woman who idolized them more than I did or ever could.
I like to do what I want to do. Most of the time, I wander alone whether in my thoughts or on the grid. I spend time with friends everyday, but I can't and won't let one person take up all my SL time, never again.
One girl or guy in the thread said f*** you. Good answer actually. Guys test a new girl in the first month. Obviously I fail, but it's fine with me. I am happy as I am...writing, estate managing, exploring, slapping MM boards, building, sorting inventory, taking classes and I think that's it. I like being productive. The 'friends' I have who don't do much, they end up cutting my card. I try not to mind it too much. I won't change just for that person. I may be young, but I'm not young enough that I can be easily changed. Stubborness runs in both sides of my family.
I learned how to make prim sandals at NCI, very cool. I intend to make many more. I got some new gem textures lately.
I haven't had any visitors to my store lately. I have joined some MM groups and I got one MM board. I'll keep trying. I hope to see Tsali soon. I'm still worried by his long absence.
Until later.
Do you even have to ask? Number one thing guys go for a hot avatar...boobs, long legs, full lips, all the right curves...real life and second life. All this talk about intelligence and sense of humor, it's mostly conjecture and talk. All guys have the need for attractiveness, sexual appeal.
I said in one post that I'm considered intelligent. So why am I alone and constantly getting rejected or laughed at? Intelligence sets people apart. It makes them square, stubborn, and free-spirited. I have never been like the other girls. Most guys, if they understand that, wouldn't say they like intelligence. A smart person doesn't have to necessarily depend on company or just one person to satisfy them. A smart person goes to art, literature, music, building, scripting...not dancing all the time or hanging at clubs.
I know I haven't been a member of SL for long, but my meager experience tells me that guys like a new girl for the first month. And if she doesn't want to show more skin or throw herself at him, or make him her Sun...then he'll move on. Most guys seem to be like that. At least for 2 guys I've known, they knew they couldn't be my center, so they found a woman who idolized them more than I did or ever could.
I like to do what I want to do. Most of the time, I wander alone whether in my thoughts or on the grid. I spend time with friends everyday, but I can't and won't let one person take up all my SL time, never again.
One girl or guy in the thread said f*** you. Good answer actually. Guys test a new girl in the first month. Obviously I fail, but it's fine with me. I am happy as I am...writing, estate managing, exploring, slapping MM boards, building, sorting inventory, taking classes and I think that's it. I like being productive. The 'friends' I have who don't do much, they end up cutting my card. I try not to mind it too much. I won't change just for that person. I may be young, but I'm not young enough that I can be easily changed. Stubborness runs in both sides of my family.
I learned how to make prim sandals at NCI, very cool. I intend to make many more. I got some new gem textures lately.
I haven't had any visitors to my store lately. I have joined some MM groups and I got one MM board. I'll keep trying. I hope to see Tsali soon. I'm still worried by his long absence.
Until later.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Some news in RL and SL
RL news is that I have a temp job, found out 2 Fridays ago. I went for an interview, more like just filling out forms and meeting with a staffing agency supervisor. I'm all set for a few months. It's good.
SL news...
I'm setting up a store in SL. A friend is helping me out. I haven't seen him in a few days, so I'm a little concerned. If I don't see him soon, I may look for another place for my store. I can find a little place and maybe have only 50 prims. The friend gave me 150, but I can do fine with less. The store had at least one visitor already. Someone got 2 free avatar startup kits for male and females...given to me by brinda. Great idea! Last night I set up a welcome mat, online status indicator, tip jar, W E vendor, and a Palais kiosk. I will add a Benares advertisement as well. And of course, put up more stuff. I'm still working on the sign, but I know what I'll call my store and that I also want to create some of my own stuff. I'm trying to learn QAvimator, Blender/Jass, Gimp, and some scripting. Wish me luck!
Little piece of news...I think I know how to organize my inventory better. It'll take me a long time, but I'll get that number down.
Last but not least, I will pray for Raven and all of her loved ones. It's so hard to deal with losing someone you deeply love.
SL news...
I'm setting up a store in SL. A friend is helping me out. I haven't seen him in a few days, so I'm a little concerned. If I don't see him soon, I may look for another place for my store. I can find a little place and maybe have only 50 prims. The friend gave me 150, but I can do fine with less. The store had at least one visitor already. Someone got 2 free avatar startup kits for male and females...given to me by brinda. Great idea! Last night I set up a welcome mat, online status indicator, tip jar, W E vendor, and a Palais kiosk. I will add a Benares advertisement as well. And of course, put up more stuff. I'm still working on the sign, but I know what I'll call my store and that I also want to create some of my own stuff. I'm trying to learn QAvimator, Blender/Jass, Gimp, and some scripting. Wish me luck!
Little piece of news...I think I know how to organize my inventory better. It'll take me a long time, but I'll get that number down.
Last but not least, I will pray for Raven and all of her loved ones. It's so hard to deal with losing someone you deeply love.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Looking Forward to the new year
Hello. I've been really busy lately, but I wanted to wish you a happy new year! I hope it will be better than last year. It's hard to be optimistic and I don't always succeed, but I never stop trying. I believe that people need hope to live. Even if you take their home away and their money...you can't take away their hope from them.
This is a video I found this morning from youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNuHTG6TRfw
I hope you all find peace and happiness in the future.
This is a video I found this morning from youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNuHTG6TRfw
I hope you all find peace and happiness in the future.
Monday, December 20, 2010
A Time to Give and Remember
Christmas is nearing and many areas of the world have already seen snow. My area has gotten some snow yesterday and is getting snow fall today.
This weeked I had some time so I wented to The Pocket to remember Delinda Dyrssen. I didn't know her, but I'm sure she was one of the sweetest people you could ever meet.
I felt overwhelmed and glad to see so many avatars there. The most I counted was 51 avatars. The number never went down to 40. She was a much loved member of the SL community. I even snapped a few shots. I'm not sure what else to say, except that SL lost a great member.
This weeked I had some time so I wented to The Pocket to remember Delinda Dyrssen. I didn't know her, but I'm sure she was one of the sweetest people you could ever meet.
I felt overwhelmed and glad to see so many avatars there. The most I counted was 51 avatars. The number never went down to 40. She was a much loved member of the SL community. I even snapped a few shots. I'm not sure what else to say, except that SL lost a great member.
This event was 2 weeks ago. It's late, but I wanted to post it.
For more about how you can help, join Delinda Dyrssen Memorial group.
Wednesday, December 08, 2010
The Grace to Live
Grace means more than gifts. In grace something is transcended, once and for all overcome. Grace happens in spite of something; it happens in spite of separateness and alienation. Grace means that life is once again united with life, self is reconciled with self. Grace means accepting the abandoned one. Grace transforms fate into a meaningful vocation. It transforms guilt to trust and courage. The word grace has something triumphant in it. - Srjo Kallinen
I found this quote from a website I bookmarked a year or two ago. The website has many thoughtful, funny, interesting quotes about life and wisdom. I am glad that I happened to click on the link today. It is a comfort to me.
Srjo Kallinen, George Kallinen, was the Minister of Defense and Education in Finland. He lived from June 15, 1886 until January 1, 1976. He is now remembered as being the first and most significant pacifist of Finland. He was Minister of Defense from 1946-1948. He was an avid supporter and advocate of Eastern philosophy, particularly Buddhism. Despite his support of Buddhism, he did not identify himself with any of the religions of the world. Instead, he tried to find similarities among them.
This quote from him really resonated in my heart and mind. To me, grace is a gift that is bestowed on us. To him, grace is something more...it's about the pieces of life coming together. It's about people accepting themselves, people accepting the pain and mistakes, learning from those mistakes, and overcoming them to be better than who they are and finding a lasting people because of it. There are so many things that happen to each of us. We meet people who mistreat us, we find ourselves in unhealthy relationships and/or unhealthy environments, we lose the ones we love most, and so on. We blame ourselves for the bad that befalls us. We blame it on fate or we think that we deserve it, for whatever reason, irrational or reasonable reason as it may sound. We have these regrets. For many, it's very hard to forgive and move on. Each day it's such a task for me to smile and convince myself that I shouldn't blame myself for everything that has gone wrong or not according to plan. But sometimes you can't really plan life...things just happen.
As I wrote this entry yesterday, I heard a song by The Carpenters, "Hurting Each Other." The lines I feel are relevant are:
Can't we stop hurting each other
Gotta stop hurting each other
Making each other cry
Breaking each other's heart
Tearing each other apart.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqkVNHwJfKc
I feel like there's a lot of self-hating going on in today's world. Many people try to be something they're not. Heck, I used to want to be dropdead gorgeous, tall, and popular. It took me a few years to accept that I could never be any of those things and popularity isn't as good as they make it out to be in those teen movies and teen shows from the 80s up till now.
What will it take for the people to finally say, "Let's just stop the ineffectualness of our ways and learn to love ourselves for how we are", huh?
Posted around 6:24pm on Dec. 9th.
I found this quote from a website I bookmarked a year or two ago. The website has many thoughtful, funny, interesting quotes about life and wisdom. I am glad that I happened to click on the link today. It is a comfort to me.
Srjo Kallinen, George Kallinen, was the Minister of Defense and Education in Finland. He lived from June 15, 1886 until January 1, 1976. He is now remembered as being the first and most significant pacifist of Finland. He was Minister of Defense from 1946-1948. He was an avid supporter and advocate of Eastern philosophy, particularly Buddhism. Despite his support of Buddhism, he did not identify himself with any of the religions of the world. Instead, he tried to find similarities among them.
This quote from him really resonated in my heart and mind. To me, grace is a gift that is bestowed on us. To him, grace is something more...it's about the pieces of life coming together. It's about people accepting themselves, people accepting the pain and mistakes, learning from those mistakes, and overcoming them to be better than who they are and finding a lasting people because of it. There are so many things that happen to each of us. We meet people who mistreat us, we find ourselves in unhealthy relationships and/or unhealthy environments, we lose the ones we love most, and so on. We blame ourselves for the bad that befalls us. We blame it on fate or we think that we deserve it, for whatever reason, irrational or reasonable reason as it may sound. We have these regrets. For many, it's very hard to forgive and move on. Each day it's such a task for me to smile and convince myself that I shouldn't blame myself for everything that has gone wrong or not according to plan. But sometimes you can't really plan life...things just happen.
As I wrote this entry yesterday, I heard a song by The Carpenters, "Hurting Each Other." The lines I feel are relevant are:
Can't we stop hurting each other
Gotta stop hurting each other
Making each other cry
Breaking each other's heart
Tearing each other apart.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqkVNHwJfKc
I feel like there's a lot of self-hating going on in today's world. Many people try to be something they're not. Heck, I used to want to be dropdead gorgeous, tall, and popular. It took me a few years to accept that I could never be any of those things and popularity isn't as good as they make it out to be in those teen movies and teen shows from the 80s up till now.
What will it take for the people to finally say, "Let's just stop the ineffectualness of our ways and learn to love ourselves for how we are", huh?
Posted around 6:24pm on Dec. 9th.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Internet connection problems and Thanksgiving...
I'm back from celebrating Thanksgiving. I was logged in SL hours ago and then I get kicked off, when my connection goes down. Having Internet can be frustrating...right? Oh it was so nice when I didn't know about the Internet and computer problems. I've been logging into IE and my many viewers. I can finally post in here. Winter is my least favorite time of year too. I get mad when ice and snow cause the power to go out and other utility lines to fail. It's more like panic. I don't like when it happens, it just happens without warning. First I wonder if I did something wrong. Then after several minutes and countless restarts I realize that it's my ISP. Thankfully, I was able to get back online.
Thanksgiving was a bit chilly, but there was no snow. I had a nice weekend with my family. I enjoyed the turkey and some Chinese takeouts. It was nice to see everyone relax.
Well, I'm going to go. I have a longer post to come. It might be out in days or in a week. It depends on my momentum.
Thanksgiving was a bit chilly, but there was no snow. I had a nice weekend with my family. I enjoyed the turkey and some Chinese takeouts. It was nice to see everyone relax.
Well, I'm going to go. I have a longer post to come. It might be out in days or in a week. It depends on my momentum.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Much To Be Thankful For
Hey, I'm back!
I want to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you will enjoy it. More importantly, I hope you know and understand what you have to be grateful for. Above all, I know that I have my life to be thankful for. Life is a gift. Not everyone keeps it. And I've had some serious scrapes (no major car accidents or long hospital stays) and God could've decided it was time for me to go, but he kept me alive. I'm still here and kicking! Hahaha. I think I'm kind of lucky.
Whether you spend the holiday weekend with family and friends or whether you spend it alone, I hope you remember that life is all we really have...not our stuff (or "shit" as young people nowadays like to say), not our money, not even our titles (professional or scholarly titles or whatever titles like Sheikh or Duchess).
Lately I heard this song from the musical Hair. I love the scene in the movie where Treat Williams dances and maybe sings to this song. It's really funny, I think. This is the scene, I found it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1LRD3DtFAo
I want to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you will enjoy it. More importantly, I hope you know and understand what you have to be grateful for. Above all, I know that I have my life to be thankful for. Life is a gift. Not everyone keeps it. And I've had some serious scrapes (no major car accidents or long hospital stays) and God could've decided it was time for me to go, but he kept me alive. I'm still here and kicking! Hahaha. I think I'm kind of lucky.
Whether you spend the holiday weekend with family and friends or whether you spend it alone, I hope you remember that life is all we really have...not our stuff (or "shit" as young people nowadays like to say), not our money, not even our titles (professional or scholarly titles or whatever titles like Sheikh or Duchess).
Lately I heard this song from the musical Hair. I love the scene in the movie where Treat Williams dances and maybe sings to this song. It's really funny, I think. This is the scene, I found it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1LRD3DtFAo
Friday, November 12, 2010
Help Is Always Granted To Those Who Look For It
This is what I've been learning for awhile now. Since November 10th, I was locked out of my main account in SL. I talked to lots of people, including 2 Lindens. And I got to meet them, believe it or not. So, I got one teddy bear. :-). Hehe. One of my oldbie friends was a little jealous. I'm so pleased that I am inworld once more in my main and that I had several good friends who talked me through it and encouraged me to seek help, calling Support, and submitting tickets. After 3 tickets, 2 phonecalls, 2 and 1/2 days, countless login tries...I am backkkkk. Ah, it feels good! I was afraid my account had been hacked. Truth is, it wasn't...just a horrid case of ghosting. I have no idea where avi went, but I tp'ed inworld to The Boardroom Sim. For some reason, home position was set at Korea. That's where I set home for my alt...strange. Anyways, I have all my inventory as far as I know. I have my HUDS, notecards, objects....everything. It's wonderful if you have friends with you who are there for you during hard times.
I intend to go back to Linden Village soon and thank them for listening. And of course, one of the Lindens I met with didn't have a teddy bear made yet to give to me. Hehe. I'd be interested to see what it looks like.
In real life, if you don't complain and request for help, who will help you? You need to get out there and make some noise to get noticed! I will try to practice what I'm preaching. I will try to be strong and more determined about my life.
Also, I've recently read Jonathan Livingston Seagull and Illusions, both written by Richard Bach. My very good friend recommended them to me. They are excellent books. They talk about how you control your destiny, you don't know to follow the flock (if you're a bird) or crowd, and how you can create your life. I love the quote in Illusions about how people are in our lives for a reason. Another good one is that we can start our lives over if we want. We don't have to live the way we were taught to live, we are life, we are in the driver's seat. I'm just paraphrasing what I've read. These are two books that I think everyone should read and perhaps even own. The next book I'm reading, Messiah's Handbook...also by Richard Bach. A few pages a day is like a calming elixir for the mind. The words are so simple and yet I sense the profoundness.
Well, I'll sign off now.
Take care and be happy!
I intend to go back to Linden Village soon and thank them for listening. And of course, one of the Lindens I met with didn't have a teddy bear made yet to give to me. Hehe. I'd be interested to see what it looks like.
In real life, if you don't complain and request for help, who will help you? You need to get out there and make some noise to get noticed! I will try to practice what I'm preaching. I will try to be strong and more determined about my life.
Also, I've recently read Jonathan Livingston Seagull and Illusions, both written by Richard Bach. My very good friend recommended them to me. They are excellent books. They talk about how you control your destiny, you don't know to follow the flock (if you're a bird) or crowd, and how you can create your life. I love the quote in Illusions about how people are in our lives for a reason. Another good one is that we can start our lives over if we want. We don't have to live the way we were taught to live, we are life, we are in the driver's seat. I'm just paraphrasing what I've read. These are two books that I think everyone should read and perhaps even own. The next book I'm reading, Messiah's Handbook...also by Richard Bach. A few pages a day is like a calming elixir for the mind. The words are so simple and yet I sense the profoundness.
Well, I'll sign off now.
Take care and be happy!
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