I try not to complain and I try not to sound like a haggard, tired old woman. But I can't help it. I could be doing so much more with my life. I could be someone stronger, someone more self assured. Circumstances have made me small and meek.
My new job is humbling and at times it feels like a punishment. I never imagined I'd be working as an unskilled worker. I wake up earlier and get home early. I have little energy to write or create or even laugh, but I manage somehow.
A lot of young people like me are struggling to find meaningful work. Just this weekend I found that an old high school mate has taken up volunteering, which could mean that she is out of work and needs something to do. I've volunteered for a few years. It was a good experience, but I don't think I should do it anymore...I need to actually work and earn a living. Volunteering never got me anything except some fun times with people and some frustration when they fail to show up and leave. They leave when they find work and I was left trying to pick up the pieces and not feel so disappointed. They forgot me, but I haven't forgotten. Those times were special, but now it's time for me to let go of that and learn to fly!
In SL, I am trying to learn to fly too. I suck at actual avatar flying, but that's not what I mean. I mean learning to make something of myself. I have become something of a creator. Though I'm not that good yet, I'm keeping at it. I now have 7 poses in a vendor. There is my first pose that I haven't put out yet. I was thinking of saving it, but I'm not sure yet. I'm learning the art of promotion. My friend madi has taught me a little and so has Chrissy and others. I need to be persistent.
And lately I feel like I need to learn how to discern a good person from a bad person in SL. I keep finding and making bad friends. I tried to believe that they would want to be better out of love for me...I'm a sucker for that line, "You make me want to be a better man." But that's not at all realistic, is it? Few men actually love a woman enough to want to change their ways.
For now, I'll keep up the faith and try to laugh off my faux pases. My spirit might be weak but my mind is strong and my determination is pulsing as strong as my heartbeat!