Does anyone ever want to let go? I know I don't ever want to, but sometimes not letting go can make me miserable. It can make anyone miserable.
There are things we all wish we could change or redo in our lives. Even now, we make mistakes and we keep making them. But I try not to blame myself so hard, that's just my response though. So much is expected of me and I feel the pressure. There are times when I feel like the son in my family. I also know that I need to be self sufficient and strong to face the world alone. I got to be yong gan...brave in Mandarin. I don't believe there will be someone to support me until much later. And frankly, I don't want just someone to feed me and shelter me. I will wait and learn how to be a truly strong woman. It's not just about thinking independent, being self-reliant is about being capable of providing for oneself without depending on others. That is my chief ambition in life. I don't want to be a burden to others.
Time keeps on flowing by like how a river flows downstream. No dam or person can stop the progression. If we could stop it, would we make some good changes or would those well-meant changes result in badness? There's a reason why we can't stop time and it is perhaps best that way. Human meddling can lead to tragedy, disaster, pain, not always....but it often does.
Someday, we all will let go of our pain and worry. I love how meditation basically is about letting the thoughts run through your mind, never dwelling too long on one. The goal in meditation is to clear the mind and just think of nothing. I wonder if someday I could accomplish that. Until then, I'll try to let the thoughts run through my mind for seconds and trying not to agonize over them.
Here's a song by an artist I remember from years ago, Elliot Yamin. His famous song was Wait For You.
And I believe
That breathing makes you free
And I believe
That love's our destiny
And I believe
In things I cannot see
Lyrics www.allthelyrics.com/lyrics/elliott_yamin/
Like faith and joy and peace and hope
And harmony
In my world we really aren't different
In your world we'll never be the same
I speak but you don't want to listen
It's easier to walk away
Slow down, wait another minute
Just once, let there be no blame
My world will always have you in it
That's one thing that time won't change
And you got to take that first hard step
There is a place and we're just not there yet
And here's a song from Billy Joel, another favorite singer of mine. Billy Joel is one of the most charismatic singers in history. I love his piano playing, his lyrics, and the melodies of his songs.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Sunday, July 17, 2011
One year down contiinued...
It has been a very busy year.
I have also been sad about losing friends. I had a SL bro that left due to some drama. He left around December. He wished me a good Christmas from an offline IM and he said he wasn't sure he'd be back. I still miss him and I sometimes blame myself for not being there for him more. He taught me how use the Look At feature...how to see who is looking in your direction. I remembered feeling proud of myself when I would use it in Morris. He also taught me how to use camera controls like zooming in or out and panning my camera. To this day, I use those controls just about every time I'm inworld. I really respected him and I felt tranquil those early months I spent around him. As time went on though, I started dating and he did too. Sadly, none of those relationships were as nice as the one I had with him. I couldn't talk to those guys like I talked to him. The feeling was just so different. His relationship with a woman started turning sour and I tried to comfort him, but I was involved with another guy and I thought I was happy. And eventually, my bro got his heart broken and he began to fade from SL. He would log in less often and when he was inworld, if I didn't see him...he'd log out not long after I told him. Eventually, he left SL. I don't know when, but I just know that he is not coming back to SL from a friend of his. He didn't come back for my rez day, so I'll really let him go. I'll tuck his pictures and words away in my memory and think of him now and then, not pine away for him and be wracked by guilt.
And of course along the way I have made friends with people who would unfriend me if we didn't talk for at least a month or so. The thing is though they didn't IM me at all or hardly ever and I was (and still do) get busy on SL or when I have the viewer up. Everyone has things going on behind the screen at one time or another. Some days the phone rings off the hook and you find yourself dashing to the phone or people come and visit, things like that. Some of those friends weren't worth keeping and some were or are. It does hurt when you get a notification that the friendship has been ended, but it's a part of life. People don't always stay friends. You just take the blow gracefully and move on.
I have gotten attached to a few guys, but I soon learned they weren't worth my time. Did it hurt? Yes, it did...a good deal. And it took me time to get over and really quit blaming myself for it. I had thought I wasn't good enough or that it was all my fault. With some, I was partly to blame but the other side was wrong too.
I have resolved to really have fun. And the only things I should be serious about are Benares, helping friends and helping those who need help, writing, and creating. These are what I enjoy. I also have fun exploring sims and shops. It's amazing what one can find.
I have also been sad about losing friends. I had a SL bro that left due to some drama. He left around December. He wished me a good Christmas from an offline IM and he said he wasn't sure he'd be back. I still miss him and I sometimes blame myself for not being there for him more. He taught me how use the Look At feature...how to see who is looking in your direction. I remembered feeling proud of myself when I would use it in Morris. He also taught me how to use camera controls like zooming in or out and panning my camera. To this day, I use those controls just about every time I'm inworld. I really respected him and I felt tranquil those early months I spent around him. As time went on though, I started dating and he did too. Sadly, none of those relationships were as nice as the one I had with him. I couldn't talk to those guys like I talked to him. The feeling was just so different. His relationship with a woman started turning sour and I tried to comfort him, but I was involved with another guy and I thought I was happy. And eventually, my bro got his heart broken and he began to fade from SL. He would log in less often and when he was inworld, if I didn't see him...he'd log out not long after I told him. Eventually, he left SL. I don't know when, but I just know that he is not coming back to SL from a friend of his. He didn't come back for my rez day, so I'll really let him go. I'll tuck his pictures and words away in my memory and think of him now and then, not pine away for him and be wracked by guilt.
And of course along the way I have made friends with people who would unfriend me if we didn't talk for at least a month or so. The thing is though they didn't IM me at all or hardly ever and I was (and still do) get busy on SL or when I have the viewer up. Everyone has things going on behind the screen at one time or another. Some days the phone rings off the hook and you find yourself dashing to the phone or people come and visit, things like that. Some of those friends weren't worth keeping and some were or are. It does hurt when you get a notification that the friendship has been ended, but it's a part of life. People don't always stay friends. You just take the blow gracefully and move on.
I have gotten attached to a few guys, but I soon learned they weren't worth my time. Did it hurt? Yes, it did...a good deal. And it took me time to get over and really quit blaming myself for it. I had thought I wasn't good enough or that it was all my fault. With some, I was partly to blame but the other side was wrong too.
I have resolved to really have fun. And the only things I should be serious about are Benares, helping friends and helping those who need help, writing, and creating. These are what I enjoy. I also have fun exploring sims and shops. It's amazing what one can find.
Je reviens...
It means "I return" in French. I learned that term from Daphne DuMaurier's book, Rebecca. Perhaps you have heard of the movie Laurence Olivier starred in of the same title, it is adapted from this book. It is an interesting book, reminiscent of Bronte's Jane Eyre.
A very dear friend of mine has returned after a week's absence. It is beyond wonderful to know she has returned. Without her, I have felt lost, deeply anxious, and deeply sad.
I know that no one will always be around in the live realm, but it just feels so joyous when you can talk to them when they are. They are never really gone, but memories always are a bit weaker than how they were in life.
Someday we all accept what is inevitable. For now though, I will revel in the live realm with this dear friend. It is precious beyond the concept of precious that we all learn as children and remember all through adulthood.
A very dear friend of mine has returned after a week's absence. It is beyond wonderful to know she has returned. Without her, I have felt lost, deeply anxious, and deeply sad.
I know that no one will always be around in the live realm, but it just feels so joyous when you can talk to them when they are. They are never really gone, but memories always are a bit weaker than how they were in life.
Someday we all accept what is inevitable. For now though, I will revel in the live realm with this dear friend. It is precious beyond the concept of precious that we all learn as children and remember all through adulthood.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
One year down...
July 4th is also the anniversary for when I joined SL. I still remember that night. It was around 11pm and I could still hear the fireworks making a bonny racket outside. When I rezzed into SL for the first time I showed up in a welcome area called Ahern or Morris as some call it. It was dark and full of avatars. I felt lost and so alone.
As I walked past the last pavilion I saw an IM from a woman. It stopped me in my tracks. And then she started talking to me in local about how to get around in SL. I don't remember what she said, but I remember her patience and kindness to me. And through IMs, she gave me objects like skins and an AO. I had trouble with the AO for a bit. She even joked that one guy had the hots for me. After one week, I never heard from the guy again (he's still on my list though). He seemed to be the least guileless man I've met in a long time. He was from Brazil, that explains part of it. From my experience working with foreigners, they just seem so much more polite than most people I meet on a daily basis. It is like 'a breath of fresh air.'
Anyone that woman who helped me that first now...she has become my dearest friend in SL and perhaps in RL. She has been there for me on my journey through SL and through one year of my life. As I begin another year, I am grateful that I know her and that we can speak to each other as individuals, like-minded souls, and good friends. She has touched my life in ways that I am only now beginning to see and understand. So much can happen in a year and so much change can occur. It feels like a wave swept over me and has made its impressions on me. Good people are like that, their effect always shows wherever they make an impact.
Also, I have had so much fun exploring the virtual world. I saw Steller's beanstalk in my first or second week. I tried to climb it, but still haven't gotten high up. Perhaps someday I will? That would be a cool achievement to write about. ;-) I've been to SL Africa and went up in a hot air balloon above the whole sim once. The guy I went with unfriended me a long time ago (he was probably just a flake), but I still remember the joy of being high up and seeing and enjoying the view of the luscious land and the animals. I met him at a time when I felt sad and he cheered me up for a time.
Soon after that, I met Steve at the same welcome area where I first rezzed. And since then, Steve has become a dear friend too. He and his friends just exude this warmth that I always like to be around. We talk, we laugh, and cry on each other's shoulders. He is a great friend and the friends I meet through him are wonderful as well.
I have also joined a lot of groups in SL. Back when the group limit was 25, I soon had 25 groups. So I'd leave and join and rejoin groups frequently. I'd sit there and try to deliberate about which to leave. Lol. Actually I still do that, even though the limit is 42. LOL. Through those groups, I have made many friends as well. Some are still my friends and others have left of their own volition for the reason that I didn't IM them much. The thing is I do tend to get quite busy in SL and I hope that sometimes my friends IM me. It seems like a lot of the time, I am the one who starts an IM. There are times when I wonder if I'm the only one who wants to IM, you know? But I am usually the last person to unfriend.
I have learned a good deal from their friends too. It has been fun. Or even just talking to people in group chats...it's quite enjoyable. Most people are pretty friendly and polite.
Being a part of a SL community has been really great for me. I have a home in SL. When I feel hurt or scared, I can go there and feel peaceful.
One of the things I enjoy is the fact that you can learn so much. I'm talking about the classes you can talk. You can take building, scripting, even language classes. I've only taken building and scripting classes, but someday...I might stay for some language classes. I'm still not that good at building, but I have the notes and I know a few things about building. I can build basic things like a table or a set of small stairs. I do hope that someday, I will create something of my own like a gorgeous house or a lovely tree. I am also working on creating sculpts. For now, I just use Qavimator to try to make static poses and animations. It's challenging, but I really enjoy it.
Another thing I enjoy is the art you can see and view in SL. Since August, I have been writing about museums and art galleries. And I have made many art contacts...as I call them. I befriend artists and I like to talk to them about their art. Sadly, one of the artists I talked to passed away in March, Sabrinaa Nightfire. Her sim, Erato of Caerleon, was and has been one of my favorite art sims. It was among the first galleries that I ever wrote about for Wonderful Evenings. I left a build I made, which was designed by Hig Bing who teaches at Builder's Brewery and has her own shop. I will miss her though I didn't know her well. I did get to talk to 3 of her closest friends in SL. I hope to talk to them more. I still have so many questions and I realized that I want to design art in SL.
I make poses in SL. That is a sort of art for me, but I'd love to combine that with pictures or builds. And maybe one day I'll build my own art gallery. It's so lovely to dream...
As I walked past the last pavilion I saw an IM from a woman. It stopped me in my tracks. And then she started talking to me in local about how to get around in SL. I don't remember what she said, but I remember her patience and kindness to me. And through IMs, she gave me objects like skins and an AO. I had trouble with the AO for a bit. She even joked that one guy had the hots for me. After one week, I never heard from the guy again (he's still on my list though). He seemed to be the least guileless man I've met in a long time. He was from Brazil, that explains part of it. From my experience working with foreigners, they just seem so much more polite than most people I meet on a daily basis. It is like 'a breath of fresh air.'
Anyone that woman who helped me that first now...she has become my dearest friend in SL and perhaps in RL. She has been there for me on my journey through SL and through one year of my life. As I begin another year, I am grateful that I know her and that we can speak to each other as individuals, like-minded souls, and good friends. She has touched my life in ways that I am only now beginning to see and understand. So much can happen in a year and so much change can occur. It feels like a wave swept over me and has made its impressions on me. Good people are like that, their effect always shows wherever they make an impact.
Also, I have had so much fun exploring the virtual world. I saw Steller's beanstalk in my first or second week. I tried to climb it, but still haven't gotten high up. Perhaps someday I will? That would be a cool achievement to write about. ;-) I've been to SL Africa and went up in a hot air balloon above the whole sim once. The guy I went with unfriended me a long time ago (he was probably just a flake), but I still remember the joy of being high up and seeing and enjoying the view of the luscious land and the animals. I met him at a time when I felt sad and he cheered me up for a time.
Soon after that, I met Steve at the same welcome area where I first rezzed. And since then, Steve has become a dear friend too. He and his friends just exude this warmth that I always like to be around. We talk, we laugh, and cry on each other's shoulders. He is a great friend and the friends I meet through him are wonderful as well.
I have also joined a lot of groups in SL. Back when the group limit was 25, I soon had 25 groups. So I'd leave and join and rejoin groups frequently. I'd sit there and try to deliberate about which to leave. Lol. Actually I still do that, even though the limit is 42. LOL. Through those groups, I have made many friends as well. Some are still my friends and others have left of their own volition for the reason that I didn't IM them much. The thing is I do tend to get quite busy in SL and I hope that sometimes my friends IM me. It seems like a lot of the time, I am the one who starts an IM. There are times when I wonder if I'm the only one who wants to IM, you know? But I am usually the last person to unfriend.
I have learned a good deal from their friends too. It has been fun. Or even just talking to people in group chats...it's quite enjoyable. Most people are pretty friendly and polite.
Being a part of a SL community has been really great for me. I have a home in SL. When I feel hurt or scared, I can go there and feel peaceful.
One of the things I enjoy is the fact that you can learn so much. I'm talking about the classes you can talk. You can take building, scripting, even language classes. I've only taken building and scripting classes, but someday...I might stay for some language classes. I'm still not that good at building, but I have the notes and I know a few things about building. I can build basic things like a table or a set of small stairs. I do hope that someday, I will create something of my own like a gorgeous house or a lovely tree. I am also working on creating sculpts. For now, I just use Qavimator to try to make static poses and animations. It's challenging, but I really enjoy it.
Another thing I enjoy is the art you can see and view in SL. Since August, I have been writing about museums and art galleries. And I have made many art contacts...as I call them. I befriend artists and I like to talk to them about their art. Sadly, one of the artists I talked to passed away in March, Sabrinaa Nightfire. Her sim, Erato of Caerleon, was and has been one of my favorite art sims. It was among the first galleries that I ever wrote about for Wonderful Evenings. I left a build I made, which was designed by Hig Bing who teaches at Builder's Brewery and has her own shop. I will miss her though I didn't know her well. I did get to talk to 3 of her closest friends in SL. I hope to talk to them more. I still have so many questions and I realized that I want to design art in SL.
I make poses in SL. That is a sort of art for me, but I'd love to combine that with pictures or builds. And maybe one day I'll build my own art gallery. It's so lovely to dream...
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Busy, busy, busy
I'm not going to say the word. :P
I have gone back to writing. I have been writing a short story for practice, and 2 interviews for PURE magazine. The last article I completed on Sunday...was tough. The designer said he'd get back to me, but he didn't. It took many days and a lot of frustration. I managed to whip something up and I think it's good enough. I have no delusions that it's my best piece, but it's sufficient. I made the deadline, days early, and I made the required number of words. I had more fun with the first article about an art gallery. I won't divulge details until they're published.
I have started to write about another art gallery or should I say garden. It's a beautiful spot behind a little library. I met the owner and she's such a kind woman. I think we could talk for hours about books and limitations and more.
Once again, I have got mixed up in love. I adore this guy, but he's just absorbed with his ex. He says it's temporary. Well, I have a feeling it's not. She's not going to let him go like that. No matter what he says now, I don't believe him. He could've told her it's over, but he's still into her and he might just fall back into step with her. It hasn't been long since the break. I told him that it feels like I'm "being played" by him. He was 'a little insulted' and left. But you know what, that's nothing. It's only 'a little'. I have been looking at the situation from a bird's eye view and it leaves me out on the sidelines and it leaves me baffled and very disappointed. And I think they need to let go. But I don't see that happening. So, I'll let go. I won't be marginalized or made to be the third wheel.
Okay, so he's confused. But why not step away? I'll be the strong one in this situation, take control, and leave. I know I'm better off on my own.
I have talked about him with other friends. And they all seem to say that I should be distant and/or just move on. One even said to wait 2 weeks. I might be distant and eventually, I'll have let go.
How can I love someone who can get distracted by their past and doesn't value their present enough? I'm there, but I'm ignored unless I squeak. But what if I don't want to squeak? Isn't my presence enough?
I have gone back to writing. I have been writing a short story for practice, and 2 interviews for PURE magazine. The last article I completed on Sunday...was tough. The designer said he'd get back to me, but he didn't. It took many days and a lot of frustration. I managed to whip something up and I think it's good enough. I have no delusions that it's my best piece, but it's sufficient. I made the deadline, days early, and I made the required number of words. I had more fun with the first article about an art gallery. I won't divulge details until they're published.
I have started to write about another art gallery or should I say garden. It's a beautiful spot behind a little library. I met the owner and she's such a kind woman. I think we could talk for hours about books and limitations and more.
Once again, I have got mixed up in love. I adore this guy, but he's just absorbed with his ex. He says it's temporary. Well, I have a feeling it's not. She's not going to let him go like that. No matter what he says now, I don't believe him. He could've told her it's over, but he's still into her and he might just fall back into step with her. It hasn't been long since the break. I told him that it feels like I'm "being played" by him. He was 'a little insulted' and left. But you know what, that's nothing. It's only 'a little'. I have been looking at the situation from a bird's eye view and it leaves me out on the sidelines and it leaves me baffled and very disappointed. And I think they need to let go. But I don't see that happening. So, I'll let go. I won't be marginalized or made to be the third wheel.
Okay, so he's confused. But why not step away? I'll be the strong one in this situation, take control, and leave. I know I'm better off on my own.
I have talked about him with other friends. And they all seem to say that I should be distant and/or just move on. One even said to wait 2 weeks. I might be distant and eventually, I'll have let go.
How can I love someone who can get distracted by their past and doesn't value their present enough? I'm there, but I'm ignored unless I squeak. But what if I don't want to squeak? Isn't my presence enough?
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Happier news
I have been busy with RL work, but I check up at Benares and I spend time with friends. There's a new girl at Benares, Grimzy. :) We all welcome her to Benares and SL!
Steve and his partner, Helene celebrated their 4th year of being SL partners...June 9th. Yay for them! They are such nice people and Steve is one of my oldest friends in SL. He's a great builder and he has such a warm personality. He is one of the few people who I hug in SL. I trust him and I know that he trusts me. We get along great.
I have been creating poses. My store blog is http://victorialenoirre.blogspot.com/ I've been having fun editing the pics in GIMP. I love the color balance dialogue now. I usually make my pics look redder...giving my avatar a rosy tone. I recently bought a set of boots. They didn't cost much and yet they are resizable and you can change the color. The texture is very realistic too. They look like real leather boots by the way. My latest product pic shows me wearing them. I am finding that you don't have to spend a lot to get quality in SL. It is like that in real life too.
You can spend thousands on a fancy computer or fancy car...but in the end, you're not guaranteed the best performance. Sometimes the higher the price, the more finicky or higher maintenance the product is. I believe in getting something that is mid-range. It's not the lowest price, but not the highest price either. Comparison shopping is always the best policy. Plus, I like to check out all the options out there. I have always been an inquisitive person. People call me clever or very bright, but I think that that is just my perpetual curiosity. And no, it hasn't killed this cat. Lol. I don't really believe that saying anyhow. I might be a bit defiant. Oh well. :-)
Also, I am a writer with PURE magazine. I got the position sometime before madison decided to close Palais magazine. I am sad about that, but I understand that RL comes first. I would've done the same thing. I will still blog for Palais as long as the blog is up. The URL is http://palaisorleans.blogspot.com/ I will update it soon. I have been behind with blogging. And I have been working on my first article for PURE.
Steve and his partner, Helene celebrated their 4th year of being SL partners...June 9th. Yay for them! They are such nice people and Steve is one of my oldest friends in SL. He's a great builder and he has such a warm personality. He is one of the few people who I hug in SL. I trust him and I know that he trusts me. We get along great.
I have been creating poses. My store blog is http://victorialenoirre.blogspot.com/ I've been having fun editing the pics in GIMP. I love the color balance dialogue now. I usually make my pics look redder...giving my avatar a rosy tone. I recently bought a set of boots. They didn't cost much and yet they are resizable and you can change the color. The texture is very realistic too. They look like real leather boots by the way. My latest product pic shows me wearing them. I am finding that you don't have to spend a lot to get quality in SL. It is like that in real life too.
You can spend thousands on a fancy computer or fancy car...but in the end, you're not guaranteed the best performance. Sometimes the higher the price, the more finicky or higher maintenance the product is. I believe in getting something that is mid-range. It's not the lowest price, but not the highest price either. Comparison shopping is always the best policy. Plus, I like to check out all the options out there. I have always been an inquisitive person. People call me clever or very bright, but I think that that is just my perpetual curiosity. And no, it hasn't killed this cat. Lol. I don't really believe that saying anyhow. I might be a bit defiant. Oh well. :-)
Also, I am a writer with PURE magazine. I got the position sometime before madison decided to close Palais magazine. I am sad about that, but I understand that RL comes first. I would've done the same thing. I will still blog for Palais as long as the blog is up. The URL is http://palaisorleans.blogspot.com/ I will update it soon. I have been behind with blogging. And I have been working on my first article for PURE.
Truth and Lies
A few days ago, I found out something that I wish I didn't know now. My ex bf has partnered already. It must've happened a few days before I saw his profile. Some interesting facts, the girl is about 3 months old so she probably hasn't know him long and perhaps she's with him to comfort him. I think it's a bad sign. Why? He rushed into that relationship and he is the type who runs away and doesn't look back once someone puts their foot down and decides that they won't take his crap. He played on my pity, especially in the end. He has given up on me and it is a good thing. Yes, it hurts that he has forgotten about me and he didn't mean what he said when he'd be my friend, but it is good because it means that he is moving on. He has no credibility with me anymore. There will be no more pitiful moans or "gulps" or guilt trips from him to me. I knew there was a reason why I tried to avoid him months before he and I started dating.
I see the truth about him now. I was his quarry, his victim. And now I know his game and I won't play it anymore. So now he has found someone else. Maybe he's playing with her emotions...who knows? But I'm not about to interfere. I have my friends, my priorities, and my own life. I feel sorry for her, but there is nothing I can do. She made her choice and I made mine. The only way for her to be rid of him at least in SL is if I AR'ed or someone else did, but I don't think I have any reason to do that. If I did, I'd have AR'ed him already. No one should be manipulated upon. It's indecent and abusive.
I removed him from friends. He is still in land group, but maybe he won't be for long. I don't think he deserves the tag. It makes me feel disgusted to think that I was fooled by his sweet words and his attentions to me. In the end, he made me feel cheap and angry. He swore at me and tried to make me feel bad and guilty for my anger. That is not how a decent person should behave. I believe my anger was justified and I still do. I haven't regretted my decision to split or de-friend him. I have felt freer and more peaceful since I did those acts. I know it was the right thing to do. So why should I feel guilty for doing what my heart and mind tell me is right?
I love this song by Whitney Houston, Step by Step
I see the truth about him now. I was his quarry, his victim. And now I know his game and I won't play it anymore. So now he has found someone else. Maybe he's playing with her emotions...who knows? But I'm not about to interfere. I have my friends, my priorities, and my own life. I feel sorry for her, but there is nothing I can do. She made her choice and I made mine. The only way for her to be rid of him at least in SL is if I AR'ed or someone else did, but I don't think I have any reason to do that. If I did, I'd have AR'ed him already. No one should be manipulated upon. It's indecent and abusive.
I removed him from friends. He is still in land group, but maybe he won't be for long. I don't think he deserves the tag. It makes me feel disgusted to think that I was fooled by his sweet words and his attentions to me. In the end, he made me feel cheap and angry. He swore at me and tried to make me feel bad and guilty for my anger. That is not how a decent person should behave. I believe my anger was justified and I still do. I haven't regretted my decision to split or de-friend him. I have felt freer and more peaceful since I did those acts. I know it was the right thing to do. So why should I feel guilty for doing what my heart and mind tell me is right?
I love this song by Whitney Houston, Step by Step
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
In search of something better
As I write, I can't help but feel sad. It always seems like the things I want are always just out of my reach. I think I have it, but I come up with nothing. People tell me you have to go after what you want, but not everything can be attained that way. And the people who are so "pushy" or "grabby", do they keep what they seize or will their quarry run away? In college, I've known of nice, shy guys being swept off their feet by the outgoing, pushy girl. It sucks, but that's what happens. I feel bad for the guys. They don't see what hit them until they're deeply entangled with kids, credit card debt, a mortgage they can't pay, in-laws they can't stand, whatever. It's just so sad that they don't realize how they've been manipulated early on. I have seen one guy friend in college get taken like that. I would've made a move except I didn't think the time was right for me. I know he's happy right now, and I'm happy for him. But how long will he be happy? I was broken up about it for months, but I did get over him. Though sometimes, I still think of him and wonder what if she hadn't come along...he's such a sweet guy. But it's clear to me that he's not for me.
Guys tend to think of me as a sister or that attractive woman who's "out of their league." I'm turning 25 and I've thought how my mom married when she was 23. I do wish I could've found love by now, but it just hasn't happened. I haven't really felt that coup de foudre...thunder bolt that people feel when they know that they connect. I always have infatuations with guys in real life or actors like John Cusack or Robert Downey Jr, but it's superficial mostly. I like them for their character, but I know it'll never be reciprocated. I always have this sense that no man will ever understand me or have the patience for me. I guess I'm just too old-fashioned. Maybe I should've been born in the distant past when women were wooed gently not like now when guys show off their cars or their looks. Or they think they can flatter me with sweet words and admiring glances. Those only work to a certain point and don't last very long.
Here's to hoping that some day, a man will come along and will be the man I need.
Guys tend to think of me as a sister or that attractive woman who's "out of their league." I'm turning 25 and I've thought how my mom married when she was 23. I do wish I could've found love by now, but it just hasn't happened. I haven't really felt that coup de foudre...thunder bolt that people feel when they know that they connect. I always have infatuations with guys in real life or actors like John Cusack or Robert Downey Jr, but it's superficial mostly. I like them for their character, but I know it'll never be reciprocated. I always have this sense that no man will ever understand me or have the patience for me. I guess I'm just too old-fashioned. Maybe I should've been born in the distant past when women were wooed gently not like now when guys show off their cars or their looks. Or they think they can flatter me with sweet words and admiring glances. Those only work to a certain point and don't last very long.
Here's to hoping that some day, a man will come along and will be the man I need.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Striving on...
Happy Memorial day!
This is Wizard Gynoid's exhibit at UWA: http://slurl.com/secondlife/UWA%20VIRTLANTIS/143/85/24
Very cool.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZqZeWsgfxDI
http://wouldntthatriptheforkoutofyournightie.wordpress.com/2011/05/30/my-take-on-bullying/
I'm going through some drama, but I'm working through it. I'll be okay. I won't let it get me down for long. More on that, later.
This is Wizard Gynoid's exhibit at UWA: http://slurl.com/secondlife/UWA%20VIRTLANTIS/143/85/24
Very cool.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZqZeWsgfxDI
http://wouldntthatriptheforkoutofyournightie.wordpress.com/2011/05/30/my-take-on-bullying/
I'm going through some drama, but I'm working through it. I'll be okay. I won't let it get me down for long. More on that, later.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Conflict and Tough Decisions
http://palaisorleans.blogspot.com/2011/05/draftrecognizing-4th-rez-day-for.html
Here's something I wrote lately about a very special person in my life.
For awhile, I've felt that there was a lot of conflict and doubt in my SL life. Since the first week, I realized it existed and would exist unless I changed myself. I have changed some, but still it exists. I really am a late bloomer. In my other life, I am a late bloomer. How could it not be otherwise? Who I am in SL is a reflection of who I am in RL.
Maybe it's fate or SL giving me a second chance, but I happened to meet an old old ex friend in a beautiful sim where a museum is located. We parted ways after about 3 conversations during my first or second week in SL. We met in Morris and I felt flattered by her attention. She brought me to a store that sold clubwear and she bought me a slutty outfit. Slowly, I realized what she wanted. But rather than tell her no at that moment, I clamped up. For days after, I avoided her. One day, I came clean and she was very upset. And so, she cut my card. I apologized and offered to pay her back and send the item back to her, but she told me to keep it. And then I never heard anything from her and I never tried to reach out...I thought she never wanted to talk to me again. But that afternoon, she seemed pleasantly surprised to see me. She still wears a cat avatar, but she now builds for the museum owner. I'm overjoyed that she is doing such great work. I saw one build by her and I think it's fabulous!
There is another chance in SL, but I haven't taken it. I see Jonny and his gf in Morris most of the time I visit. I just still feel scared and disappointed in him. His gf was nice to me and maybe I threw it away. Maybe they'll talk to me again after all this time, but I just don't feel ready to talk.
So much has happened to me since I've been away from them. I've dated around, taken many classes, blogged about people and places, explored sims, learned about SL, made more good friends, gotten better at writing in SL, started my business...and realized that I am fortunate to have good friends who will always be with me in spirit.
Now I need to make a tough decision. I have been upset lately and really doubting myself. Sunday, I felt that my relationship with my bf should end. Well, since then things haven't gotten better since we made peace. He really doesn't understand me. He defends his ex...over me. It feels like I was just a nasty, evil girl who didn't think about his feelings. Why should I feel guilty over my own anger? It was not my friend who interfered, it was his friend. It's good that he forgives her, but he makes me feel that I had no right to be angry. But I have feelings too and it made me feel uncomfortable. Yes I have a bad temper, but I get mad over big things. Little things irritate me, but I don't blow up over them...I have some control over my temper, for whatever that's worth.
I didn't get to talk to him inworld, but I did send him an offline IM and he replied. He has agreed that we should go back to being friends. He wants to try again someday, but I told him that I don't think that that's possible. He wants to wait for when "things settle down", but I just think....why bother? He's still him and I'm still me. Nothing really changes over time. I understand better how he is and I realize that I could never be content with him. I can't be around someone who always makes me feel guilty when I say no or when I feel mad....makes me feel like such an awful monster. I know I can be difficult to deal with at times, but I know I'm not a horrid person. What really bothered me is that he'd always mention one of his ex's at least once each time we IM'ed or hung out. I never liked that because I felt like I was being compared side by side like comparing 2 cars and I kept thinking, he still hasn't let go of them. I shouldn't have to tolerate that. I am who I am; I am not a copy of anyone. I really believe in individuality. No one is anyone but themself.
P.S. I finally got the nerve to make peace with that other old old friend. It wasn't as tough as I had thought. In fact, he was pleased that I reached out to him. He had been waiting I think. All these months our paths had crossed, but he knew that I must be the one to step forward, after all I was the one who had cut the ties. I said I was wrong and surprisingly, he had said he was wrong too. We both said things we shouldn't have, but that doesn't matter now. What matters is that we have put it behind us. I will be a better person and I will not let my pride or anger hurt myself for so long. It really had been many months since we had talked. A lot has changed.
I am still mad at Tsali, but I should move on. He has a tendency to get in trouble with women. I think his new lady could prove to be no different. However, he made his bed and he'll lie in it. It's none of my business. I no longer respect him like I did before. I will move on, I need to.
In the meantime I'll focus on doing the things I enjoy and being me. I have started my second draft of my chateau, haha. Hopefully it looks better than my last few house building attempts. I'll include a picture later. I have RL work next week, so that'll be good for me. I do need some time to reflect during the day.
Here's something I wrote lately about a very special person in my life.
For awhile, I've felt that there was a lot of conflict and doubt in my SL life. Since the first week, I realized it existed and would exist unless I changed myself. I have changed some, but still it exists. I really am a late bloomer. In my other life, I am a late bloomer. How could it not be otherwise? Who I am in SL is a reflection of who I am in RL.
Maybe it's fate or SL giving me a second chance, but I happened to meet an old old ex friend in a beautiful sim where a museum is located. We parted ways after about 3 conversations during my first or second week in SL. We met in Morris and I felt flattered by her attention. She brought me to a store that sold clubwear and she bought me a slutty outfit. Slowly, I realized what she wanted. But rather than tell her no at that moment, I clamped up. For days after, I avoided her. One day, I came clean and she was very upset. And so, she cut my card. I apologized and offered to pay her back and send the item back to her, but she told me to keep it. And then I never heard anything from her and I never tried to reach out...I thought she never wanted to talk to me again. But that afternoon, she seemed pleasantly surprised to see me. She still wears a cat avatar, but she now builds for the museum owner. I'm overjoyed that she is doing such great work. I saw one build by her and I think it's fabulous!
There is another chance in SL, but I haven't taken it. I see Jonny and his gf in Morris most of the time I visit. I just still feel scared and disappointed in him. His gf was nice to me and maybe I threw it away. Maybe they'll talk to me again after all this time, but I just don't feel ready to talk.
So much has happened to me since I've been away from them. I've dated around, taken many classes, blogged about people and places, explored sims, learned about SL, made more good friends, gotten better at writing in SL, started my business...and realized that I am fortunate to have good friends who will always be with me in spirit.
Now I need to make a tough decision. I have been upset lately and really doubting myself. Sunday, I felt that my relationship with my bf should end. Well, since then things haven't gotten better since we made peace. He really doesn't understand me. He defends his ex...over me. It feels like I was just a nasty, evil girl who didn't think about his feelings. Why should I feel guilty over my own anger? It was not my friend who interfered, it was his friend. It's good that he forgives her, but he makes me feel that I had no right to be angry. But I have feelings too and it made me feel uncomfortable. Yes I have a bad temper, but I get mad over big things. Little things irritate me, but I don't blow up over them...I have some control over my temper, for whatever that's worth.
I didn't get to talk to him inworld, but I did send him an offline IM and he replied. He has agreed that we should go back to being friends. He wants to try again someday, but I told him that I don't think that that's possible. He wants to wait for when "things settle down", but I just think....why bother? He's still him and I'm still me. Nothing really changes over time. I understand better how he is and I realize that I could never be content with him. I can't be around someone who always makes me feel guilty when I say no or when I feel mad....makes me feel like such an awful monster. I know I can be difficult to deal with at times, but I know I'm not a horrid person. What really bothered me is that he'd always mention one of his ex's at least once each time we IM'ed or hung out. I never liked that because I felt like I was being compared side by side like comparing 2 cars and I kept thinking, he still hasn't let go of them. I shouldn't have to tolerate that. I am who I am; I am not a copy of anyone. I really believe in individuality. No one is anyone but themself.
P.S. I finally got the nerve to make peace with that other old old friend. It wasn't as tough as I had thought. In fact, he was pleased that I reached out to him. He had been waiting I think. All these months our paths had crossed, but he knew that I must be the one to step forward, after all I was the one who had cut the ties. I said I was wrong and surprisingly, he had said he was wrong too. We both said things we shouldn't have, but that doesn't matter now. What matters is that we have put it behind us. I will be a better person and I will not let my pride or anger hurt myself for so long. It really had been many months since we had talked. A lot has changed.
I am still mad at Tsali, but I should move on. He has a tendency to get in trouble with women. I think his new lady could prove to be no different. However, he made his bed and he'll lie in it. It's none of my business. I no longer respect him like I did before. I will move on, I need to.
In the meantime I'll focus on doing the things I enjoy and being me. I have started my second draft of my chateau, haha. Hopefully it looks better than my last few house building attempts. I'll include a picture later. I have RL work next week, so that'll be good for me. I do need some time to reflect during the day.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
A Sad mistake or a gift?
I'm so sad to admit I made a horrid mistake. On May 7th, I said yes to a guy friend who asked me to be his SL girlfriend. Until a few days ago I felt so happy, like nothing could get me down. But then, I found out from him that a "pretty good friend" spied on us and was jealous. And yesterday he called her a "semi-gf". Which is she? Changing his tune, is he? I can't tolerate that. I saw her profile and her group for her main avatar and it left me feeling disturbed. All I can say is that she's not my idea of a good friend, she just takes and won't give. The fact that he dated her for 2 months after only knowing her for a month, that struck a bad chord in me and I don't trust that he's really done with her. I feel like he became attached to her and still is. He said it's over with her, but I'm disappointed in him. I don't believe him anymore. So I told him that it's over between us.
The people I consider good friends wouldn't spy on me or try to grief me. She hasn't IM'ed me, but I think she's not done making trouble. She likes to play with emotions. He sim banned her, but it's not enough for me. I feel like I never really knew him.
My true friends know that often I prefer to be alone. And working in SL is one of the things I love most. I love walking in Benares and looking at top scripts or looking at the houses to get build ideas (I'm working on a chateau, btw). I love to preview and upload my poses. I have a client who wants me to make some groundsits for him and I even have 1 pose at my vendor that I can modify slightly. I saw him asking for help at one of my group chats, it was a lucky catch. I haven't had anyone asking me to do custom work. But he has decided to give me a chance and I intend to prove myself...that I can be good. I love exploring sims to write for magazines or a SL guide book. And I've made some great art contacts through my assignments and work.
I haven't had luck with SL relationships. I have tried and I thought I'd give this guy a chance, but now it's done. He had his chance and it didn't work. I don't want any drama and so it ends here. He will beg me to stay, but I'll stand firm and I won't change my mind. It will be tough, but this is what I need to do. If I don't stand firm, there will be more pain. I can feel it.
A great song I've always liked:
Matt Goss, End of the road
It's a song of endings and beginnings. There is always tomorrow, hope for a better day.
I'll be okay, but right now I just feel so disappointed. Yes, I got my feelers bent. I learn the hard way, but I can learn.
Edit:
He and I talked and I realized that I was too hasty. It was like I expected that he would just let me go. But he has proven to me that I shouldn't dump him just because of one bad friend and he fought with my temper and won. He nearly deleted me, I am quite sure. But then I realized that I sounded like an idiot and he was really mad...madder than I had ever expected. He didn't want me to go. He felt like we deserved a chance to keep going. I realized that he wasn't the enemy. I was just looking for a way to run away. I got scared. He didn't have to fight with me. He could've ended the conversation but he kept on fighting me. I'm still surprised at that. So he and I are a couple still. We had a big fight, but now we understand each other. He's good for me, I am convinced now.
The people I consider good friends wouldn't spy on me or try to grief me. She hasn't IM'ed me, but I think she's not done making trouble. She likes to play with emotions. He sim banned her, but it's not enough for me. I feel like I never really knew him.
My true friends know that often I prefer to be alone. And working in SL is one of the things I love most. I love walking in Benares and looking at top scripts or looking at the houses to get build ideas (I'm working on a chateau, btw). I love to preview and upload my poses. I have a client who wants me to make some groundsits for him and I even have 1 pose at my vendor that I can modify slightly. I saw him asking for help at one of my group chats, it was a lucky catch. I haven't had anyone asking me to do custom work. But he has decided to give me a chance and I intend to prove myself...that I can be good. I love exploring sims to write for magazines or a SL guide book. And I've made some great art contacts through my assignments and work.
I haven't had luck with SL relationships. I have tried and I thought I'd give this guy a chance, but now it's done. He had his chance and it didn't work. I don't want any drama and so it ends here. He will beg me to stay, but I'll stand firm and I won't change my mind. It will be tough, but this is what I need to do. If I don't stand firm, there will be more pain. I can feel it.
A great song I've always liked:
Matt Goss, End of the road
It's a song of endings and beginnings. There is always tomorrow, hope for a better day.
I'll be okay, but right now I just feel so disappointed. Yes, I got my feelers bent. I learn the hard way, but I can learn.
Edit:
He and I talked and I realized that I was too hasty. It was like I expected that he would just let me go. But he has proven to me that I shouldn't dump him just because of one bad friend and he fought with my temper and won. He nearly deleted me, I am quite sure. But then I realized that I sounded like an idiot and he was really mad...madder than I had ever expected. He didn't want me to go. He felt like we deserved a chance to keep going. I realized that he wasn't the enemy. I was just looking for a way to run away. I got scared. He didn't have to fight with me. He could've ended the conversation but he kept on fighting me. I'm still surprised at that. So he and I are a couple still. We had a big fight, but now we understand each other. He's good for me, I am convinced now.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Always Lost in Thought
How much of our waking life are we lost in thought? How long do we spend just living in our heads?
Days ago I admitted to myself that I am lonely. I am busy to ease that loneliness. In a way, it helps me through that time. But it also fulfills a need in me to do something. Dancing or talking is something, but I can not just do those in and of themselves...just those 2 activities.
People are amazed when they hear about what I do. It could be considered overkill: writing, building, Qavimator, GIMP, blogging, shopping, exploring. Is that all I do? Well, I do dance with friends from time to time. And I can stand around in a lobby, but that's seldom. Are they intimidated? I wonder about that. Probably. I asked a friend and he said, "I'm not." Well, I know that. He's known me for more than 6 months. By this summer, it'll be a year..August I believe. Seek and ye shall find. I searched and my search led me to him. He's a manager of a SL organization, a landlord, a SL content creator and a good friend. We can talk about real life or sl. We understand that. We dated once or twice, but we agreed that we'd be better as friends. And it was the right choice, not that he wouldn't make a great boyfriend...he would. But he can be just as supportive and caring as my friend. I trust him and he trusts me too. That's one of the highest compliments that I could ever receive.
I asked him what whould he do if SL shut down. He said he didn't know. He told me he knows of Avination. I told him I would go to Inworldz. Well, I hope SL will be around longer. I feel that SL is my only link to him. I'd miss his friendship and his words. He knows what to say to calm me. He doesn't even have to say a lot or try hard. I hope that his real life is wonderful and well.
Last week or so, I mentioned Tsali and how I felt betrayed. I realize he wasn't who I thought he was. Things like this they just shatter your image of a person. You think...who the hell is this person? Where am I? What? Huh? You just feel clueless and dazed. He hasn't changed, I have. I can see clearer now and it is freeing. Sometimes waiting can seem tense. You wait for the question to come or the talk to arise. When it never does...you're off the hook. You're A-OK. And I will be okay, I am okay.
Do I think of finding love someday? Yes. Doesn't everyone? I just haven't found it yet.
I have many friends who are there for me. And I have my hobbies and interests. Life just isn't life if it's a few limited things. I need to do a lot to feel full. If someone can't deal with that...that's their problem. The song I like now is I Look to You by Whitney Houston. "When all my strength is gone, in you I can be strong...I look to you..."
I try to be very tolerant. But when someone whines about me always being busy...I can't take that. Of course, it depends on the person's attitude. But if they complain and bitch about it and how their other friends are so busy...I'm sorry. But I'm not responsible for your happiness. YOU make your own happiness. It's all concocted in the mind.
Days ago I admitted to myself that I am lonely. I am busy to ease that loneliness. In a way, it helps me through that time. But it also fulfills a need in me to do something. Dancing or talking is something, but I can not just do those in and of themselves...just those 2 activities.
People are amazed when they hear about what I do. It could be considered overkill: writing, building, Qavimator, GIMP, blogging, shopping, exploring. Is that all I do? Well, I do dance with friends from time to time. And I can stand around in a lobby, but that's seldom. Are they intimidated? I wonder about that. Probably. I asked a friend and he said, "I'm not." Well, I know that. He's known me for more than 6 months. By this summer, it'll be a year..August I believe. Seek and ye shall find. I searched and my search led me to him. He's a manager of a SL organization, a landlord, a SL content creator and a good friend. We can talk about real life or sl. We understand that. We dated once or twice, but we agreed that we'd be better as friends. And it was the right choice, not that he wouldn't make a great boyfriend...he would. But he can be just as supportive and caring as my friend. I trust him and he trusts me too. That's one of the highest compliments that I could ever receive.
I asked him what whould he do if SL shut down. He said he didn't know. He told me he knows of Avination. I told him I would go to Inworldz. Well, I hope SL will be around longer. I feel that SL is my only link to him. I'd miss his friendship and his words. He knows what to say to calm me. He doesn't even have to say a lot or try hard. I hope that his real life is wonderful and well.
Last week or so, I mentioned Tsali and how I felt betrayed. I realize he wasn't who I thought he was. Things like this they just shatter your image of a person. You think...who the hell is this person? Where am I? What? Huh? You just feel clueless and dazed. He hasn't changed, I have. I can see clearer now and it is freeing. Sometimes waiting can seem tense. You wait for the question to come or the talk to arise. When it never does...you're off the hook. You're A-OK. And I will be okay, I am okay.
Do I think of finding love someday? Yes. Doesn't everyone? I just haven't found it yet.
I have many friends who are there for me. And I have my hobbies and interests. Life just isn't life if it's a few limited things. I need to do a lot to feel full. If someone can't deal with that...that's their problem. The song I like now is I Look to You by Whitney Houston. "When all my strength is gone, in you I can be strong...I look to you..."
I try to be very tolerant. But when someone whines about me always being busy...I can't take that. Of course, it depends on the person's attitude. But if they complain and bitch about it and how their other friends are so busy...I'm sorry. But I'm not responsible for your happiness. YOU make your own happiness. It's all concocted in the mind.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Like a fellow once said...ain't that a kick in the head?!
You ever get those days? I'm kind of feeling like someone stunned me or knocked me out.
You think you can trust someone and they understand you...don't assume that. The one who understands you the best is yourself, to paraphrase Richard Bach. What you don't say, that can always make you feel miserable. But sometimes when you finally do say it, you don't feel any better. You feel a feeling of release, but that's all. And how do you know the release will feel rewarding? You don't know that.
There are so many times where society expects us to understand hints. My situation was that I fell in love with a friend. I find out how much I care about him when I figure out that he has been dating a woman for a few days now. I wonder why he didn't tell me. Friends tell each other, right? Didn't he feel so excited that he felt like he had to share it with someone? Apparently not.
I've known him for months. I felt close to him. But yet, not really. He's not very talkative. I guess he likes to be straightforward and doesn't take hints. I was so worried when he was away from SL for 2 months, I think. When he came back, it was like before. Or so I thought. But things had changed.
I was busier with my stores. I was starting to get the hang of mostly spending time doing my own stuff. So when he came back, I didn't spend so much time with him like I used to. I thought he'd understand. But lots of guys might feel like I ignore them, if they're typical and they are my friends. But that's how I am. I like to learn and do independent things. I have a corazon salvaje...wild heart.
This was on Tuesday. On Wednesday, he still needed to think. Today, Thursday, he did talk to me. And I knew before he said anything that he still wanted to see his lady friend.
I don't like her. I think she's a pretender. She can be coy and sweet with newbies or strangers. But if you talk about the right thing, you'll see what she's really like. You can tell when people get angry. And I did see her get indignant. I thought she seemed parochial and arrogant. But there's nothing I can do. He may find out and it won't be pretty. He has seen some unpretty behavior in women, so that's his problem. I'll try not to care too much. Because I can't wait around for someone like him when there are other people I could get to know and things I could do.
I spent tonight finishing an article, visiting with Jake, visitng Lrak, and visiting with Steve. Both are 2 great guys and friends of mine. They always know how to cheer me up and make me smile. I feel very fortunate to know them. Steve has a partner, but he always talks to me when he can. When he can't, he'll explain why. He's polite, sweet, thoughtful, and more. Jake has become a good friend. We've been hanging out more for a month or so. When he returned to SL, he started visiting me at my parcel. And he still does that. He takes time to see me and we talk a little bit. He's smart, sweet, and fun to be with. Lrak is a friend I met through an art gallery contact. Lrak scripts and I need script help. Months after adding him, we finally really talked. Well when I friended him, we did talk some. He said as soon as that conversation, he liked me. But it was months later that I started to really know him. He's understanding, warm, and intelligent. He encourages my pose making and he owns some of my creations. Very sweet of him. I value all these men. They are good to me.
Even though I still feel hurt, I still see the niceness and gentility around me. I am so deeply thankful.
You think you can trust someone and they understand you...don't assume that. The one who understands you the best is yourself, to paraphrase Richard Bach. What you don't say, that can always make you feel miserable. But sometimes when you finally do say it, you don't feel any better. You feel a feeling of release, but that's all. And how do you know the release will feel rewarding? You don't know that.
There are so many times where society expects us to understand hints. My situation was that I fell in love with a friend. I find out how much I care about him when I figure out that he has been dating a woman for a few days now. I wonder why he didn't tell me. Friends tell each other, right? Didn't he feel so excited that he felt like he had to share it with someone? Apparently not.
I've known him for months. I felt close to him. But yet, not really. He's not very talkative. I guess he likes to be straightforward and doesn't take hints. I was so worried when he was away from SL for 2 months, I think. When he came back, it was like before. Or so I thought. But things had changed.
I was busier with my stores. I was starting to get the hang of mostly spending time doing my own stuff. So when he came back, I didn't spend so much time with him like I used to. I thought he'd understand. But lots of guys might feel like I ignore them, if they're typical and they are my friends. But that's how I am. I like to learn and do independent things. I have a corazon salvaje...wild heart.
This was on Tuesday. On Wednesday, he still needed to think. Today, Thursday, he did talk to me. And I knew before he said anything that he still wanted to see his lady friend.
I don't like her. I think she's a pretender. She can be coy and sweet with newbies or strangers. But if you talk about the right thing, you'll see what she's really like. You can tell when people get angry. And I did see her get indignant. I thought she seemed parochial and arrogant. But there's nothing I can do. He may find out and it won't be pretty. He has seen some unpretty behavior in women, so that's his problem. I'll try not to care too much. Because I can't wait around for someone like him when there are other people I could get to know and things I could do.
I spent tonight finishing an article, visiting with Jake, visitng Lrak, and visiting with Steve. Both are 2 great guys and friends of mine. They always know how to cheer me up and make me smile. I feel very fortunate to know them. Steve has a partner, but he always talks to me when he can. When he can't, he'll explain why. He's polite, sweet, thoughtful, and more. Jake has become a good friend. We've been hanging out more for a month or so. When he returned to SL, he started visiting me at my parcel. And he still does that. He takes time to see me and we talk a little bit. He's smart, sweet, and fun to be with. Lrak is a friend I met through an art gallery contact. Lrak scripts and I need script help. Months after adding him, we finally really talked. Well when I friended him, we did talk some. He said as soon as that conversation, he liked me. But it was months later that I started to really know him. He's understanding, warm, and intelligent. He encourages my pose making and he owns some of my creations. Very sweet of him. I value all these men. They are good to me.
Even though I still feel hurt, I still see the niceness and gentility around me. I am so deeply thankful.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Tough Times In Life
I try not to complain and I try not to sound like a haggard, tired old woman. But I can't help it. I could be doing so much more with my life. I could be someone stronger, someone more self assured. Circumstances have made me small and meek.
My new job is humbling and at times it feels like a punishment. I never imagined I'd be working as an unskilled worker. I wake up earlier and get home early. I have little energy to write or create or even laugh, but I manage somehow.
A lot of young people like me are struggling to find meaningful work. Just this weekend I found that an old high school mate has taken up volunteering, which could mean that she is out of work and needs something to do. I've volunteered for a few years. It was a good experience, but I don't think I should do it anymore...I need to actually work and earn a living. Volunteering never got me anything except some fun times with people and some frustration when they fail to show up and leave. They leave when they find work and I was left trying to pick up the pieces and not feel so disappointed. They forgot me, but I haven't forgotten. Those times were special, but now it's time for me to let go of that and learn to fly!
In SL, I am trying to learn to fly too. I suck at actual avatar flying, but that's not what I mean. I mean learning to make something of myself. I have become something of a creator. Though I'm not that good yet, I'm keeping at it. I now have 7 poses in a vendor. There is my first pose that I haven't put out yet. I was thinking of saving it, but I'm not sure yet. I'm learning the art of promotion. My friend madi has taught me a little and so has Chrissy and others. I need to be persistent.
And lately I feel like I need to learn how to discern a good person from a bad person in SL. I keep finding and making bad friends. I tried to believe that they would want to be better out of love for me...I'm a sucker for that line, "You make me want to be a better man." But that's not at all realistic, is it? Few men actually love a woman enough to want to change their ways.
For now, I'll keep up the faith and try to laugh off my faux pases. My spirit might be weak but my mind is strong and my determination is pulsing as strong as my heartbeat!
My new job is humbling and at times it feels like a punishment. I never imagined I'd be working as an unskilled worker. I wake up earlier and get home early. I have little energy to write or create or even laugh, but I manage somehow.
A lot of young people like me are struggling to find meaningful work. Just this weekend I found that an old high school mate has taken up volunteering, which could mean that she is out of work and needs something to do. I've volunteered for a few years. It was a good experience, but I don't think I should do it anymore...I need to actually work and earn a living. Volunteering never got me anything except some fun times with people and some frustration when they fail to show up and leave. They leave when they find work and I was left trying to pick up the pieces and not feel so disappointed. They forgot me, but I haven't forgotten. Those times were special, but now it's time for me to let go of that and learn to fly!
In SL, I am trying to learn to fly too. I suck at actual avatar flying, but that's not what I mean. I mean learning to make something of myself. I have become something of a creator. Though I'm not that good yet, I'm keeping at it. I now have 7 poses in a vendor. There is my first pose that I haven't put out yet. I was thinking of saving it, but I'm not sure yet. I'm learning the art of promotion. My friend madi has taught me a little and so has Chrissy and others. I need to be persistent.
And lately I feel like I need to learn how to discern a good person from a bad person in SL. I keep finding and making bad friends. I tried to believe that they would want to be better out of love for me...I'm a sucker for that line, "You make me want to be a better man." But that's not at all realistic, is it? Few men actually love a woman enough to want to change their ways.
For now, I'll keep up the faith and try to laugh off my faux pases. My spirit might be weak but my mind is strong and my determination is pulsing as strong as my heartbeat!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Busy, busy, and more busy
Well, in RL I've been actively job hunting. Online hunting just hasn't worked for me. I tried that and I'm not doing that again. So, I just go visit employment agencies and basically harass them. This week, I have an interview at an agency. I'm taking time off from my new job to go. If I can get a better job, I'll leave this new job. It's at a factory, light industrial is what they term it. I mostly see young men and women, both young and old working at the tables. It's pretty slow and not noisy at all.
In SL, I've set up vendors. Kain helped me set it up. So I've got 6 poses loaded as of today. I'm still working on more poses and more sculpts.
Kain has started making poses too. I'm glad I got her interested in using QAvimator. It takes practice and patience (though I don't think I have much), to get used to the program. She wants to add them to her furniture. We took a Qavi class on Friday morning about how to save to the program and things to remember when uploading. Unfortunately there was this griefer. I ended up ARing him after class when Kain said he bothered her in IM and then I remembered that what he said in local was quite inappropriate for a PG region, Boomer Island, part of New Citizen's Incorporated, NCI. He talked about being "high" and wanting to buy marijuana and he was also rambling too. Protomas, bless her soul, was trying to keep going with class and didn't ban him. I later told her about how he IM'd kain and me (called me a cow and said I "should stop asking f'ing stupid questions". She said that if she has known, she would've booted him from the sim. Kain wanted to kick him in the shin and I wanted to knock him unconscious. Lol, i'm so violent. But then, this is from someone who watched cowboy movies and action movies when she was younger. I still love those, though not as much as before. After AR'ing, I muted him.
I'm using GIMP to edit the photos, editing the background, cropping pics, and adding text. I still have a lot to learn, but I understand layers now. For every step, you should add a layer, a transparent layer...unless you want to darken or lighten the photo. I just use a transparent layer.
Well, I start work tomorrow. I'm nervous. But I'm sure I'll do fine. Earlier Jake came by my place to wish my luck. How sweet of him! Alexhayden wished me luck too, I caught him inworld this evening...exploring as usual. :-) I hope I do fine tomorrow. I really hope I can do this job. If I do bad, I'll just quit. In the meantime, I'm wating and looking for better job opportunities. :-)
In SL, I've set up vendors. Kain helped me set it up. So I've got 6 poses loaded as of today. I'm still working on more poses and more sculpts.
Kain has started making poses too. I'm glad I got her interested in using QAvimator. It takes practice and patience (though I don't think I have much), to get used to the program. She wants to add them to her furniture. We took a Qavi class on Friday morning about how to save to the program and things to remember when uploading. Unfortunately there was this griefer. I ended up ARing him after class when Kain said he bothered her in IM and then I remembered that what he said in local was quite inappropriate for a PG region, Boomer Island, part of New Citizen's Incorporated, NCI. He talked about being "high" and wanting to buy marijuana and he was also rambling too. Protomas, bless her soul, was trying to keep going with class and didn't ban him. I later told her about how he IM'd kain and me (called me a cow and said I "should stop asking f'ing stupid questions". She said that if she has known, she would've booted him from the sim. Kain wanted to kick him in the shin and I wanted to knock him unconscious. Lol, i'm so violent. But then, this is from someone who watched cowboy movies and action movies when she was younger. I still love those, though not as much as before. After AR'ing, I muted him.
I'm using GIMP to edit the photos, editing the background, cropping pics, and adding text. I still have a lot to learn, but I understand layers now. For every step, you should add a layer, a transparent layer...unless you want to darken or lighten the photo. I just use a transparent layer.
Well, I start work tomorrow. I'm nervous. But I'm sure I'll do fine. Earlier Jake came by my place to wish my luck. How sweet of him! Alexhayden wished me luck too, I caught him inworld this evening...exploring as usual. :-) I hope I do fine tomorrow. I really hope I can do this job. If I do bad, I'll just quit. In the meantime, I'm wating and looking for better job opportunities. :-)
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Art and Creation in SL
SL would be so drab without it. So it grieves me to hear that an artist who I met and wrote about has passed away. Sabrinaa Nightfire, mastermind of Erato of Caerleon lost her fight with cancer. She will be missed. The sim is called Bloom by Sabrinaa. The place is absolutely stunning....green green lawns, huge flowers, steep slopes...
Here is a video from fellow artist and friend, Fuschia Nightfire, who is also one of my friends: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhS2jvPtF1o. I will write more and post more pics soon.
Since this post is about creation, I'll share what has been happening in my creation department. I've created more poses. The picnic pose is my latest. I have another pose that is almost finished, I'm not quite satisfied with the arm positioning. I think that's a common problem...getting the arms to look right. Somehow, they almost always look funny to me.
I've been trying to learn GIMP for over a month. I think I'm getting the hang of it. There are so many things you can do like blurring, adding shadows, all kinds of rendering, adding transparency...I'm liking it. It's great that there are all these great tutorials online. Years ago, there wasn't so much so I tried GIMP and gave up. Now, I'm thinking that it won't be long until I'm very comfortable with the program. I've even started shading on the UV avatar templates. Soon, I hope to have some clothes in inventory. Then I'll have to find out about resizing scripts.
Later.
Here is a video from fellow artist and friend, Fuschia Nightfire, who is also one of my friends: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhS2jvPtF1o. I will write more and post more pics soon.
Since this post is about creation, I'll share what has been happening in my creation department. I've created more poses. The picnic pose is my latest. I have another pose that is almost finished, I'm not quite satisfied with the arm positioning. I think that's a common problem...getting the arms to look right. Somehow, they almost always look funny to me.
I've been trying to learn GIMP for over a month. I think I'm getting the hang of it. There are so many things you can do like blurring, adding shadows, all kinds of rendering, adding transparency...I'm liking it. It's great that there are all these great tutorials online. Years ago, there wasn't so much so I tried GIMP and gave up. Now, I'm thinking that it won't be long until I'm very comfortable with the program. I've even started shading on the UV avatar templates. Soon, I hope to have some clothes in inventory. Then I'll have to find out about resizing scripts.
Later.
Tuesday, March 01, 2011
Goodbyes and Hellos
On Sunday I finally realized and accepted that my SL bro, Brandon, has left SL for good. I waited for him to return. I'm not a patient person...it's hope that kept me going. Yesterday I mustered up my courage to ask one of his friends if he had left. As I suspected, it was true. She's nice and when I asked if I could talk to her from time to time, she said yes. It has taken me months to accept this fact. It really saddens me, but I have to let go. I hope that he is happier with RL, SL only brought him sadness and drama. He was such a sensitive soul and he found it to be more than he could take. In memory of him, I visited all the places we went to...the place where we met, the places where we liked to sit and talk. Unfortunately, one of his favorite places is now gone. It had the rock where he liked to think. I put a rock in my backyard months ago, but he never did get to see it. But I'm going to keep it there, in memory of him. I will miss him a lot. Maybe he'll come back and visit once in awhile, but I won't hold my breath. There are so many good people I know that are still around me and that is such a comfort. Not everyone I care about will just vanish.
Later that night I ran into 2 Spanish people. One at a favorite store where I know the owner and we talk from time to time and he's a friend. My Spanish isn't that good, but she understood me fine. The other was a man who I met at an Egypt sim. He seemed very polite. I talked a bit with him and gave him a Spanish info hub LM. He left shortly after. That felt nice. From time to time I do help some of the Spanish speakers on SL. Brinda helped me find one for him. I also thought of Tsali who I haven't seen since mid-January. Tsali has folders for over 100 countries in SL. He gave me a China folder once. He once had a library in SL. He's a sweet guy. He does a lot in SL, but he's modest...not full of himself. I like that about him.
This morning not long after I logged in, I saw Tsali log in. Wow! I was overjoyed and wondered if it really was him. Sure enough, it was him. He and I spent hours talking like we did before he left for over a month. It was like he had never left. He was pleased to see me and we had a fun time. I really needed that. He's one of the dearest friends I have. It was fortunate that I met him in October.
Later that night I ran into 2 Spanish people. One at a favorite store where I know the owner and we talk from time to time and he's a friend. My Spanish isn't that good, but she understood me fine. The other was a man who I met at an Egypt sim. He seemed very polite. I talked a bit with him and gave him a Spanish info hub LM. He left shortly after. That felt nice. From time to time I do help some of the Spanish speakers on SL. Brinda helped me find one for him. I also thought of Tsali who I haven't seen since mid-January. Tsali has folders for over 100 countries in SL. He gave me a China folder once. He once had a library in SL. He's a sweet guy. He does a lot in SL, but he's modest...not full of himself. I like that about him.
This morning not long after I logged in, I saw Tsali log in. Wow! I was overjoyed and wondered if it really was him. Sure enough, it was him. He and I spent hours talking like we did before he left for over a month. It was like he had never left. He was pleased to see me and we had a fun time. I really needed that. He's one of the dearest friends I have. It was fortunate that I met him in October.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Curiosity and Privacy
"How do you know you're right, with your answers?" he said.
"I don't. But every question's a tension inside, a little electric shock, and it crackles through me till it finds an answer. When a question touches an answer, it grounds on intuition, there's a blue flash, the tension's gone. It doesn't say right or wrong, it just says answered."
This passage is from "Running From Safety" written by Richard Bach. Richard is talking to his younger self, Dickie, about learning and knowing how he knows things. Dickie wants to know how he knows when he has a right answer. Honestly, we don't know. I really like and agree with Bach's answer. A lot of times, we aren't certain that we know the answers, but we can feel if they're right sometimes...it's like an intuitive feeling and you feel like the "tension's gone".
I've always wanted to know about the world around me. I have been called a "little explorer." It's not about what I learn so much as it's the process in which I learn that little token of thought...that delicious answer. When I discover it, something in me clicks and I know that I have the answer. It's a wonderful sentiment.
Now about privacy, last night at a Phoenix 201 class about the Phoenix viewer, I learned about SL web profiles. I searched my name and sure enough, my name can be found from secondlife.com. I heard that it had been there for a year already. Is this one reason why the TOS was updated? Only now people have started to talk about it, besides redzone. However, redzone has been around for awhile, so why the anger now? I learned about redzone in October or November not long before I de-friended jonny. He had told me that there were toys to identify if someone had an alt. Anyway, these web profiles are a violation of privacy. I think that viewing SL profiles should be a privilege only limited to SL residents and should only be viewable inworld. At the SL website, there can be profiles...but only if people want to create one. It could be like a simple profile like a blogger profile for instance...you can control what you put in. I also learned from a post by Kabaleyero Kidd that you even have your own profile link...made me think of myspace. Only difference is...with myspace, you expect to be searchable and you make up the profile link. But with SL, none of us made our profile links...SL made them behind our backs. Sure, there is a privacy setting that you can change but this is after the fact, just like grid reports are made sometime after residents have been crashed because of a nice "unscheduled" region rollback. They like to say "resolved" just after it happens and you don't know ahead of time usually. See if you can find the privacy tab. I'm still looking for it. It feels like LL just pulled the rugs out from under our feet. Kidd says that a lot of people wanted this, but I'm thinking that those people are a minority. Privacy is such a loaded issue these days due to 9/11, NSA wiretapping, street cams in London, crowded living areas across the globe, etc. Once again, LL shows how it doesn't really care about us, the residents who keep LL alive through upload fees, membership fees for those who are premium, rent for mainland sims, commissions from items posted on marketplace...did I miss anything?
Here's the link to Kidd's blog: http://www.in2ndlife.com/2011/02/take-advantage-of-the-new-second-life-web-profiles/
"I don't. But every question's a tension inside, a little electric shock, and it crackles through me till it finds an answer. When a question touches an answer, it grounds on intuition, there's a blue flash, the tension's gone. It doesn't say right or wrong, it just says answered."
This passage is from "Running From Safety" written by Richard Bach. Richard is talking to his younger self, Dickie, about learning and knowing how he knows things. Dickie wants to know how he knows when he has a right answer. Honestly, we don't know. I really like and agree with Bach's answer. A lot of times, we aren't certain that we know the answers, but we can feel if they're right sometimes...it's like an intuitive feeling and you feel like the "tension's gone".
I've always wanted to know about the world around me. I have been called a "little explorer." It's not about what I learn so much as it's the process in which I learn that little token of thought...that delicious answer. When I discover it, something in me clicks and I know that I have the answer. It's a wonderful sentiment.
Now about privacy, last night at a Phoenix 201 class about the Phoenix viewer, I learned about SL web profiles. I searched my name and sure enough, my name can be found from secondlife.com. I heard that it had been there for a year already. Is this one reason why the TOS was updated? Only now people have started to talk about it, besides redzone. However, redzone has been around for awhile, so why the anger now? I learned about redzone in October or November not long before I de-friended jonny. He had told me that there were toys to identify if someone had an alt. Anyway, these web profiles are a violation of privacy. I think that viewing SL profiles should be a privilege only limited to SL residents and should only be viewable inworld. At the SL website, there can be profiles...but only if people want to create one. It could be like a simple profile like a blogger profile for instance...you can control what you put in. I also learned from a post by Kabaleyero Kidd that you even have your own profile link...made me think of myspace. Only difference is...with myspace, you expect to be searchable and you make up the profile link. But with SL, none of us made our profile links...SL made them behind our backs. Sure, there is a privacy setting that you can change but this is after the fact, just like grid reports are made sometime after residents have been crashed because of a nice "unscheduled" region rollback. They like to say "resolved" just after it happens and you don't know ahead of time usually. See if you can find the privacy tab. I'm still looking for it. It feels like LL just pulled the rugs out from under our feet. Kidd says that a lot of people wanted this, but I'm thinking that those people are a minority. Privacy is such a loaded issue these days due to 9/11, NSA wiretapping, street cams in London, crowded living areas across the globe, etc. Once again, LL shows how it doesn't really care about us, the residents who keep LL alive through upload fees, membership fees for those who are premium, rent for mainland sims, commissions from items posted on marketplace...did I miss anything?
Here's the link to Kidd's blog: http://www.in2ndlife.com/2011/02/take-advantage-of-the-new-second-life-web-profiles/
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Newbies and Changes
I've been doing well lately. I'm glad that I have a job. While I have finished work for this month, I know I will be back to work next month. I'm doing very well. I do good work and it helps that I'm likable. I told a friend that some of it is "innate" and the rest is luck. I'm going to see what else I can do. I am signed up with 2 employment agencies.
In SL, I've been playing around with Qavimator. I am still doing static poses. I have a handful already made, but only 2 have been uploaded. I usually preview them for awhile and adjust them before uploading. I find that I can preview, keep Qavi open, close the preview window and reopen and then retry the animation. Once I have enough static poses, I'll move on to making animations. I've heard that that is harder. It will require me to add more frames and sync the movements so it looks natural. That won't be for awhile.
I happened to go to Morris on Friday morning. It was noisy as usual. However, I saw a newbie who looked a lot like Ian Somerholder who plays Damon Salvatore in The Vampire Diaries. I watched the first season of that show. And I admit to having a small crush on Ian...I think it's those brooding eyes. This guy said that he made his look from a skin, shape, and hair that he bought. I thought that was impressive. I even got a few pics.
Last night I hung out with my friend Pere. She took me to see Help People Island and Heaven's Gate. I had a friend who was and still is a Help People fan. He told me about it in passing when I was new, but he never gave me an LM or took me there. I realized that last night, but a good friend said that I deserved the best and that friend was not the best. He didn't really help me much as I recall. I learned most of what I know from lurking in group chat, newbie groups, and through my own initiative. I have always been an explorer, ever curious about what is out there. Heaven's Gate is another place for newbies. The owner, Heaven, who is Japanese, has a lot of free hair and there are some free group gifts. The skins are well made with a distinct Japanese flavor.
Despite the painful reminders of someone I knew once, last night was fun.
In time, I'll be able to laugh at that loser. I only laugh when I think of how his SL lover is into open collar and he isn't. He could get jealous of how she bestows her attentions on others. By now I understand how open collar is. The master or mistress can control their sub. However, this guy likes to be in control. So I sense that he won't be in control of his lover for very long. Haha. People get what they deserve. I'm just glad he didn't control me for long.
There is so much that I can do in SL. I can build, play, talk with others, and just enjoy the scenery.
In SL, I've been playing around with Qavimator. I am still doing static poses. I have a handful already made, but only 2 have been uploaded. I usually preview them for awhile and adjust them before uploading. I find that I can preview, keep Qavi open, close the preview window and reopen and then retry the animation. Once I have enough static poses, I'll move on to making animations. I've heard that that is harder. It will require me to add more frames and sync the movements so it looks natural. That won't be for awhile.
I happened to go to Morris on Friday morning. It was noisy as usual. However, I saw a newbie who looked a lot like Ian Somerholder who plays Damon Salvatore in The Vampire Diaries. I watched the first season of that show. And I admit to having a small crush on Ian...I think it's those brooding eyes. This guy said that he made his look from a skin, shape, and hair that he bought. I thought that was impressive. I even got a few pics.
Last night I hung out with my friend Pere. She took me to see Help People Island and Heaven's Gate. I had a friend who was and still is a Help People fan. He told me about it in passing when I was new, but he never gave me an LM or took me there. I realized that last night, but a good friend said that I deserved the best and that friend was not the best. He didn't really help me much as I recall. I learned most of what I know from lurking in group chat, newbie groups, and through my own initiative. I have always been an explorer, ever curious about what is out there. Heaven's Gate is another place for newbies. The owner, Heaven, who is Japanese, has a lot of free hair and there are some free group gifts. The skins are well made with a distinct Japanese flavor.
Despite the painful reminders of someone I knew once, last night was fun.
In time, I'll be able to laugh at that loser. I only laugh when I think of how his SL lover is into open collar and he isn't. He could get jealous of how she bestows her attentions on others. By now I understand how open collar is. The master or mistress can control their sub. However, this guy likes to be in control. So I sense that he won't be in control of his lover for very long. Haha. People get what they deserve. I'm just glad he didn't control me for long.
There is so much that I can do in SL. I can build, play, talk with others, and just enjoy the scenery.
Tuesday, February 01, 2011
New Beginnings
I feel like my life is starting anew almost. Except that on the radio this morning I heard songs I liked listening to when I was in grade school. It reminds me of old times when I was more hopeful and more optimistic about life. I didn't understand the bitterness and cruelness of the world. It's like some of that innocence was lost. And in fact, no one can keep all of their childish innocence. The freshness dissipates fast and doesn't return, unless we try to re-establish it. I think Richard Bach tries to do that with his writing, as does Norman Vincent Peale. For that, I am grateful that I have read writings from both men. Both are brilliant minds of their generation. We all need some freshness in our lives. So I try to learn new things whenever I can. I try to read all kinds of books, at least ones that don't bore me to death haha.
I started a new job yesterday. Today was my first full day. I worked 8 hours. I met some nice people and everyone in my group seems nice and helpful. I think I'll do well at the office. I'm not as awkward as I thought I would be, despite being the only Asian reader. But it only adds to my credit that I will be working there for at least a few days.
I am starting to like Qavimator. I am making static poses. So far, my poses are off but I'm learning how to make it so that the AO doesn't interfere with the animation. You need to set at least a 1 or -1 for x, y, and z. It works wonderful. A neat youtube video showed me that.
I still struggle with blender, but I have taken some classes. And I know where to find tutorials. I'll have to follow the video ones closely.
A friend told me to try prim oven. I heard about it. It makes sculpts out of things that are less than 16 prims. I might try it sometime. I'm not sure when.
I know Sophie uses Sculpt Studio and kain does too. That product is not free like blender, however I heard it is easier to use. Sculptcraft is another program.
Two Tuesdays ago I opened up my store. I was sad the sim owner wasn't there. I still haven't seen him. And on Sunday, I set up shop at Ross's. Brinda is letting me use the spot for a month. Then I'll see what else I can find. Eventually, I want the store on a parcel. A 512 m one would be okay. That would give me around 1000 prims. That would work for me. First I need to see how many people I can get interested in my store. With little profits, I can't afford my own store. Anyway, why should I hurry? It's fun to build a business or anything from the ground up. It's an adventure. Until then, I can just rent a small spot with 150 prims or less. The least amount would be 20 prims. There's so much to think about. :)
Until later.
I started a new job yesterday. Today was my first full day. I worked 8 hours. I met some nice people and everyone in my group seems nice and helpful. I think I'll do well at the office. I'm not as awkward as I thought I would be, despite being the only Asian reader. But it only adds to my credit that I will be working there for at least a few days.
I am starting to like Qavimator. I am making static poses. So far, my poses are off but I'm learning how to make it so that the AO doesn't interfere with the animation. You need to set at least a 1 or -1 for x, y, and z. It works wonderful. A neat youtube video showed me that.
I still struggle with blender, but I have taken some classes. And I know where to find tutorials. I'll have to follow the video ones closely.
A friend told me to try prim oven. I heard about it. It makes sculpts out of things that are less than 16 prims. I might try it sometime. I'm not sure when.
I know Sophie uses Sculpt Studio and kain does too. That product is not free like blender, however I heard it is easier to use. Sculptcraft is another program.
Two Tuesdays ago I opened up my store. I was sad the sim owner wasn't there. I still haven't seen him. And on Sunday, I set up shop at Ross's. Brinda is letting me use the spot for a month. Then I'll see what else I can find. Eventually, I want the store on a parcel. A 512 m one would be okay. That would give me around 1000 prims. That would work for me. First I need to see how many people I can get interested in my store. With little profits, I can't afford my own store. Anyway, why should I hurry? It's fun to build a business or anything from the ground up. It's an adventure. Until then, I can just rent a small spot with 150 prims or less. The least amount would be 20 prims. There's so much to think about. :)
Until later.
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