As I write, I can't help but feel sad. It always seems like the things I want are always just out of my reach. I think I have it, but I come up with nothing. People tell me you have to go after what you want, but not everything can be attained that way. And the people who are so "pushy" or "grabby", do they keep what they seize or will their quarry run away? In college, I've known of nice, shy guys being swept off their feet by the outgoing, pushy girl. It sucks, but that's what happens. I feel bad for the guys. They don't see what hit them until they're deeply entangled with kids, credit card debt, a mortgage they can't pay, in-laws they can't stand, whatever. It's just so sad that they don't realize how they've been manipulated early on. I have seen one guy friend in college get taken like that. I would've made a move except I didn't think the time was right for me. I know he's happy right now, and I'm happy for him. But how long will he be happy? I was broken up about it for months, but I did get over him. Though sometimes, I still think of him and wonder what if she hadn't come along...he's such a sweet guy. But it's clear to me that he's not for me.
Guys tend to think of me as a sister or that attractive woman who's "out of their league." I'm turning 25 and I've thought how my mom married when she was 23. I do wish I could've found love by now, but it just hasn't happened. I haven't really felt that coup de foudre...thunder bolt that people feel when they know that they connect. I always have infatuations with guys in real life or actors like John Cusack or Robert Downey Jr, but it's superficial mostly. I like them for their character, but I know it'll never be reciprocated. I always have this sense that no man will ever understand me or have the patience for me. I guess I'm just too old-fashioned. Maybe I should've been born in the distant past when women were wooed gently not like now when guys show off their cars or their looks. Or they think they can flatter me with sweet words and admiring glances. Those only work to a certain point and don't last very long.
Here's to hoping that some day, a man will come along and will be the man I need.