Saturday, December 08, 2012

Not to leave things left unsaid

I know I haven't blogged much, personally. Oh, I blog plenty about art and creating. But I've learned that there are things that shouldn't be left unsaid, those things that matter and come from the heart.

I will try to break my silence but I associate this blog with brinda. And I would blog here mainly to see her comments to me. I realize that that wouldn't happen again, so I stopped blogged about my personal feelings. It's like when a loved one doesn't hold your hand anymore. It's hard to accept, but I am working on it still.

Yesterday morning, I woke up feeling groggy and sluggish. I had breakfast as usual then went back to my room/office to check email. And an email notification of a new blog post from my friend Alexhayden, sure woke me right up. Alex wrote about a great friend who he respected, loved and had dreamed of meeting in RL. The big shock was that Lalo Telling was checked into a hospice last night. I follow Lalo's blog and tweets, but it was just a shock to realize that the cancer had worsened so badly. I knew the cancer was in a very late stage, but I wanted to believe that there was still hope of a slow, full recovery. I was holding onto that hope like holding onto a weak thread. To read that blog post and to absorb the meaning...it's just devastating. As I write, tears have started to run...again.

The last time I IM'd Lalo, we had agreed to meet again sometime in Inworldz. He has a new home there. He set it up a few months ago. It was still there when I logged in 1 or 2 weeks ago.

But now I am struggling to accept that I might never see Lalo inworld again, or even meet him in RL. We talked about meeting before. Looks like that will not happen now.

I enjoyed his company. We traded pictures, shopped for those fall trees he has out at West Harbour or was it his place in Inworldz? It seems like so long ago. He loved nature and he always knew how to make his home look cheerful and bright. He'd invite me over now and then. I made time  to see him, because I wanted to.

He introduced me to the Dropkick Murphys. Before that, I had only heard the name. I never cared much for them. But once I heard that steady drumbeat and those pipes, I became an instant fan. He's Irish. And I even asked him what his RL first name is. And I said something like, "Yeah, that's a very Irish name." He just grinned, I think.

He loved to ride on bicycle trails outdoors. But he hated carrying the bike up the stairs of his apartment, so it had been a few years since he had rode.

Lalo's place is peaceful and  relaxing. He has tatami mats, bonzai trees, even Japanese wall hangings in his inworld house. He is all about Zen and yet, you'd never guess if you talked to him. He's one of the most friendliest friends I have ever had and one of the most intelligent.

I miss spending time with him. I do a lot in SL, but I made time for him because I wanted to. If we didn't meet in SL, we might meet in Inworldz. We once spent a good several hours in Inworldz. That was a beautiful afternoon. An afternoon where we enjoyed the quiet and privacy of a parcel in Inworldz....no griefers or ranodom IMs from strangers.

Those moments I remember fondly.

After brinda died, I didn't think I could love again, but I did. Lalo let me into his life like brinda did and I can't tell you how honored I feel. I didn't know him for years and I don't know everything about him, but I feel that connection to him. I care about him.

Lalo, I'll never forget you. Thank you for the memories, the music, the laughs...thank you for being you....you cute kitteh!

Love always,

No comments: