Tough Times In Life

I try not to complain and I try not to sound like a haggard, tired old woman. But I can't help it. I could be doing so much more with my life. I could be someone stronger, someone more self assured. Circumstances have made me small and meek.

My new job is humbling and at times it feels like a punishment. I never imagined I'd be working as an unskilled worker. I wake up earlier and get home early. I have little energy to write or create or even laugh, but I manage somehow.

A lot of young people like me are struggling to find meaningful work. Just this weekend I found that an old high school mate has taken up volunteering, which could mean that she is out of work and needs something to do. I've volunteered for a few years. It was a good experience, but I don't think I should do it anymore...I need to actually work and earn a living. Volunteering never got me anything except some fun times with people and some frustration when they fail to show up and leave. They leave when they find work and I was left trying to pick up the pieces and not feel so disappointed. They forgot me, but I haven't forgotten. Those times were special, but now it's time for me to let go of that and learn to fly!

In SL, I am trying to learn to fly too. I suck at actual avatar flying, but that's not what I mean. I mean learning to make something of myself. I have become something of a creator. Though I'm not that good yet, I'm keeping at it. I now have 7 poses in a vendor. There is my first pose that I haven't put out yet. I was thinking of saving it, but I'm not sure yet. I'm learning the art of promotion. My friend madi has taught me a little and so has Chrissy and others. I need to be persistent.

And lately I feel like I need to learn how to discern a good person from a bad person in SL. I keep finding and making bad friends. I tried to believe that they would want to be better out of love for me...I'm a sucker for that line, "You make me want to be a better man." But that's not at all realistic, is it? Few men actually love a woman enough to want to change their ways.

For now, I'll keep up the faith and try to laugh off my faux pases. My spirit might be weak but my mind is strong and my determination is pulsing as strong as my heartbeat!

Busy, busy, and more busy

Well, in RL I've been actively job hunting. Online hunting just hasn't worked for me. I tried that and I'm not doing that again. So, I just go visit employment agencies and basically harass them. This week, I have an interview at an agency. I'm taking time off from my new job to go. If I can get a better job, I'll leave this new job. It's at a factory, light industrial is what they term it. I mostly see young men and women, both young and old working at the tables. It's pretty slow and not noisy at all.

In SL, I've set up vendors. Kain helped me set it up. So I've got 6 poses loaded as of today. I'm still working on more poses and more sculpts.

Kain has started making poses too. I'm glad I got her interested in using QAvimator. It takes practice and patience (though I don't think I have much), to get used to the program. She wants to add them to her furniture. We took a Qavi class on Friday morning about how to save to the program and things to remember when uploading. Unfortunately there was this griefer. I ended up ARing him after class when Kain said he bothered her in IM and then I remembered that what he said in local was quite inappropriate for a PG region, Boomer Island, part of New Citizen's Incorporated, NCI. He talked about being "high" and wanting to buy marijuana and he was also rambling too. Protomas, bless her soul, was trying to keep going with class and didn't ban him. I later told her about how he IM'd kain and me (called me a cow and said I "should stop asking f'ing stupid questions". She said that if she has known, she would've booted him from the sim. Kain wanted to kick him in the shin and I wanted to knock him unconscious. Lol, i'm so violent. But then, this is from someone who watched cowboy movies and action movies when she was younger. I still love those, though not as much as before. After AR'ing, I muted him.

I'm using GIMP to edit the photos, editing the background, cropping pics, and adding text. I still have a lot to learn, but I understand layers now. For every step, you should add a layer, a transparent layer...unless you want to darken or lighten the photo. I just use a transparent layer.

Well, I start work tomorrow. I'm nervous. But I'm sure I'll do fine. Earlier Jake came by my place to wish my luck. How sweet of him! Alexhayden wished me luck too, I caught him inworld this evening...exploring as usual. :-) I hope I do fine tomorrow. I really hope I can do this job. If I do bad, I'll just quit. In the meantime, I'm wating and looking for better job opportunities. :-)

Art and Creation in SL

SL would be so drab without it. So it grieves me to hear that an artist who I met and wrote about has passed away. Sabrinaa Nightfire, mastermind of Erato of Caerleon lost her fight with cancer. She will be missed. The sim is called Bloom by Sabrinaa. The place is absolutely stunning....green green lawns, huge flowers, steep slopes...
Here is a video from fellow artist and friend, Fuschia Nightfire, who is also one of my friends: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhS2jvPtF1o. I will write more and post more pics soon.

Since this post is about creation, I'll share what has been happening in my creation department. I've created more poses. The picnic pose is my latest. I have another pose that is almost finished, I'm not quite satisfied with the arm positioning. I think that's a common problem...getting the arms to look right. Somehow, they almost always look funny to me.

I've been trying to learn GIMP for over a month. I think I'm getting the hang of it. There are so many things you can do like blurring, adding shadows, all kinds of rendering, adding transparency...I'm liking it. It's great that there are all these great tutorials online. Years ago, there wasn't so much so I tried GIMP and gave up. Now, I'm thinking that it won't be long until I'm very comfortable with the program. I've even started shading on the UV avatar templates. Soon, I hope to have some clothes in inventory. Then I'll have to find out about resizing scripts.

Later.

Goodbyes and Hellos

On Sunday I finally realized and accepted that my SL bro, Brandon, has left SL for good. I waited for him to return. I'm not a patient person...it's hope that kept me going. Yesterday I mustered up my courage to ask one of his friends if he had left. As I suspected, it was true. She's nice and when I asked if I could talk to her from time to time, she said yes. It has taken me months to accept this fact. It really saddens me, but I have to let go. I hope that he is happier with RL, SL only brought him sadness and drama. He was such a sensitive soul and he found it to be more than he could take. In memory of him, I visited all the places we went to...the place where we met, the places where we liked to sit and talk. Unfortunately, one of his favorite places is now gone. It had the rock where he liked to think. I put a rock in my backyard months ago, but he never did get to see it. But I'm going to keep it there, in memory of him. I will miss him a lot. Maybe he'll come back and visit once in awhile, but I won't hold my breath. There are so many good people I know that are still around me and that is such a comfort. Not everyone I care about will just vanish.

Later that night I ran into 2 Spanish people. One at a favorite store where I know the owner and we talk from time to time and he's a friend. My Spanish isn't that good, but she understood me fine. The other was a man who I met at an Egypt sim. He seemed very polite. I talked a bit with him and gave him a Spanish info hub LM. He left shortly after. That felt nice. From time to time I do help some of the Spanish speakers on SL. Brinda helped me find one for him. I also thought of Tsali who I haven't seen since mid-January. Tsali has folders for over 100 countries in SL. He gave me a China folder once. He once had a library in SL. He's a sweet guy. He does a lot in SL, but he's modest...not full of himself. I like that about him.

This morning not long after I logged in, I saw Tsali log in. Wow! I was overjoyed and wondered if it really was him. Sure enough, it was him. He and I spent hours talking like we did before he left for over a month. It was like he had never left. He was pleased to see me and we had a fun time. I really needed that. He's one of the dearest friends I have. It was fortunate that I met him in October.