Thinking, as always...

When am I not thinking about something? Haha. Sometimes it's frustrating. A person could go nuts from thinking all the time, right? I've been busy and preoccupied with stuff. I worry about what I'll do after I graduate, what I'll do with my life, and so on. Well, at least I know that I'll take a year off from school to prep for the GREs. Though, I'm not sure about the program, Linguistics, Justice Studies, or Political Science? For now, my primary concern is financial aid. So, I need to score high and try to add a little experience to my resume. I have a little time, just got to make the most of it.

I'm also thinking of how I don't like oral presentations. I'm taking a Justice Studies seminar and every so often, we have to present. Last time, I was so nervous and I felt like I was out of it. Next week, I will meet with the professor about it. We should come up with a solution. He seems willing to help, we'll see. The course traces American law back to its founding. My next presentation is based on the words of Paine and Jefferson. I have to read several excerpts from key documents they wrote. I just need to take out quotations and then explain them. I'm not sure how many quotations to take out, maybe 5 is enough. And then, I have to present and write 5 pages on the Articles of Confederation and compare it to the government we have now. Everyone else is just writing evaluations of the Federalist papers or the Anti-federalist papers. Maybe he's giving me more work so I can redeem myself for the not-so-good presentation last week. I'll try not to complain. I'm hoping that I can bring up my grade.

My other class this semester in Canadian Politics and Government. I like it. I like that the texts are written by Canadian professors and that we get to watch documentaries on Canada. I never realized till now how much Canada is European in nature, British to be more specific. Most Americans think that Canada is becoming more Americanized or they just hate Canada. I always wondered about why Americans hate Canada and make fun of Canadians. I think that by the end of this course, I'll understand and I may even like Canada. Though I'm not sure I'd want to live there. I can't stand the cold...and I live in New England. Hahaha.

Well, that's my update. I hope to stop by again soon.

New Year, new president, new attitude on life

Hey again. It's been a long time since I've been here. I've been busy with life. My New Year's Day was good. I had a quiet, relaxing vacation. The highlight of this year so far is the inauguration of the first black president in the U.S., Barack Obama. I was so thrilled when he won the 2008 Presidential Election. Big smile and a Yes! to that. And since the inauguration, I've been feeling better and I have resolved to change my attitude on life. I will be happy and content like I once was. Say good-bye to depression. I've started reading Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns this evening. He says that depression is not a mental disorder. He says that people feel sad because of their distorted, negative thoughts. He has a point, but this point doesn't address the chemical imbalance aspect of depression, but I digress. Anyway, so through cognitive therapy, which his book is about, people can and do feel happier. He wrote that within 12 weeks, there was a noted difference in people's mental state. How does he measure mental state? With a test called the Beck Depression Inventory. It has 21 questions and for each question, there are 4 options. Each option has a value ranging from 0-3. My score was a 20, which put me in the category of Borderline Clinical Depression. It is serious, but not as bad as moderate, severe, or extreme depression, the categories above the category I fit in right now. Ideally, my score should be a 10 or below 5. But if I keep reading and learn the therapy, I should be able to see improvement. I got to stick with it, just like how an athlete should keep training so that they will perform well during competition. My competition will be how I hold up through life's many situations.

Last year of college

I'm now in my last year of college. I'm finishing up with my requirements and I hope that things will go smoothly. I have been so busy and stressed out lately. I just got to keep thinking that whatever comes my way, I can deal with it.

I'm trying to remember how I felt before I started college. I'm trying to go back to reading the novels I love and I started watching old movies. College has kept me so busy and it has exhausted me. I find my classes interesting, but a lot of times I feel like I'm not learning as much as I expected...like it's not enough. It is true that the more you know, the less optimistic you become. But, if you try hard not to let it bother you, you can be the better for it. You can still be optimistic. Dreams are dreamed up and some will crumble, but others can be made to replace the old ones. We're always dreaming and coming up with new ways to describe our lives and ourselves. Such is life.

Another year has gone by

A lot can happen in a one year's time. I am now in my third year of college, and it is now a year since I set up this account. I realize this as I have thought about this lifeguard who I have seen at the pool for a few years. Recently, I have noticed that he looks so different from when I first met him. Before, he looked mellow, calm, easygoing. But now, he looks more serious, focused, and a little mean. Despite these changes in appearance, he is still attractive. I am sure I have changed, but I do not feel it. At times, I feel like I am torn between my past and my future. There is some safety and comfort in the past, but I need to break free of some of those bonds. That is one of my priorities right now, besides studying, and preparing for the future.

Is not it disheartening to watch the news everyday? Most news is about bad news. So why do I bother? Curiosity. As years pass, I find that my curiosity about the world increases, as does my ambition. I think that I can expect to calm down, by the time I am old. (How old is old? I have no idea. It could be 25, 30, 40, etc.) Of course, nobody wants to be accused of being ill informed. I have been reading this book for awhile, "Running Alone" by James MacGregor Burns. It is quite interesting. (I am rather surprised that it caught my interest, since fiction has been a longtime fascination for me.) He discusses the presidents and how they split from their party to make unpopular decisions, starting from JFK to Bush II. I have not quite finished it, but almost. He brought up an interesting point. People are not as interested in Politics as they were before. It is because they feel that the government does not care. Congress debates and debates some more, but not much gets accomplished. And is not it irritating to hear that they passed NON-BINDING resolutions? If they are not binding, then what is the point? "Yeah, here is a recommendation. But we do not expect you to follow it." Also, the candidates do not have clear platforms. None have taken a firm, decisive stand on what they want to achieve. People want to hear something definitive, not a bunch of wishy-washy rhetoric. It is not an asset to Politics, all the corruption and lobbying that goes on.

A true representative democracy will be one where it does not matter if you own property or if you can raise a whole lot of money. It will be one where the most intelligent and most qualified people get the chance to serve the public. This may be a pipe dream, but this country was made by dreamers. They dreamed and struggled, so that we could live in this land. Richard Rorty said that he saw the decay of liberalism. He was criticized for being too harsh about America. But he said that he loved America as much as Whitman. I believe that. This is a great country. But it is the people in control, who are making it look like a mess. It is like a beautiful Ferrari, but driven by an erratic driver. Will we learn? Here is to hoping.

Cheers.

Back in Action

I'm back on campus after a restful break. I was a few minutes late to my first class, but not that late. I nearly slipped and fell on the ice on the sidewalk, but I was able to stabilize myself with my right foot. I got an awkward front stretch in my left thigh, but it's not too bad. I need a deep stretch and then it'll be fine. It's good that I work out. I got to be aware of myself and be able to react quickly. Since working out for a few years, I'm always amazed at how fast I'm able to react. I didn't have breakfast at the time, but I was still fairly alert and able to keep myself from falling. A guy was going in the opposite direction and he looked down, but I saw a big grin on his face. I wasn't mad just relieved and amused that he found it funny. Some chunks of ice cracked and went rolling towards him and stopped short a few inches in front of him. What a way to start the day, eh? Haha. I feel grateful that I didn't fall.

Luz

Last week before finals

I've been very busy. I'm working on two papers and I hope to finish one of them today. I've been reading Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man and then some essays about it. I found it a bit troubling that Stephen could have an oedipal complex. It seems to make sense, though. He fantasizes about Ellen, Eileen and even about girls he sees on the street. He's like a depraved soul looking for love. He hardly knows his father and he only mentions his father in the beginning. Towards the end, like Oedipus, he flees. Oedipus flees from Thebes and his life in the palace. Stephen flees from politics, from the church, from what his mother expects of him. He won't go to Easter communion, no matter what. He says he's afraid of the bread-not itself but what it stands for. He doesn't want to be a priest to a religion that enslaves and condemns. He thinks it's like being a prisoner. Like the mythical figure Daedalus, he can "fly" away from his prison. He has found his freedom at the end.

I think it's a great book now that I've reflected on it and read it all. At first, it didn't make much sense, but as I read on it started to get more interesting and more intricate. I felt like I could relate to Stephen. I could relate to his feeling of wanting to escape and wanting freedom to be who he wants to be and live how he wants to live.

Hey

I haven't been here in awhile. I couldn't post text. Been busy. Hope to come back soon.

Luz

The Power of Positive Thinking

Optimism